AITA for wanting my son to give me back the family business he can’t take over?

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In a modest office humming with decades of hard-earned success, a 74-year-old man faces a heart-wrenching dilemma. His small business, a labor of love for over half a century, has been a lifeline for his 47-year-old son, hired years ago after a DUI derailed his prospects. But gratitude has soured into entitlement, with the son’s outbursts and broken promises threatening to unravel everything. Now, the father stands at a crossroads: reclaim his legacy or let his son’s chaos consume it.

This Reddit tale from the AITA community crackles with raw emotion and relatable stakes. It’s a story of loyalty stretched thin, where family ties clash with hard-won principles. As the father weighs cutting his son loose, readers can’t help but wonder: when does love for family give way to self-preservation? Let’s dive into this saga with a sprinkle of wit and a whole lot of heart.

‘AITA for wanting my son to give me back the family business he can’t take over?’

I 74M have a son who is 47M who got arrested for a DUI over 15 years ago and he is unable to find a regular job. He has ADHD, is married, and had two daughters. I hired him in my small business which is an office setting many years ago to give him a job for his family.

I have trained him, given him ample opportunity to be successful, and allowed him to hire multiple members of his wife's family and friends. I am still keeping the business afloat for him financially and his wife works a well paying full time job. They bought almost a million dollar house this year and spend money rapidly like putting their kids in multiple travel sports which cost several thousand a year.

I am not one to tell them how to spend their money but I'm providing context for the story. My son and I had an agreement that I would receive a percentage on any new clients we find which I have found myself. I've had my business for over 50 years. I enjoy working but being 74, I get tired and stressed easily but it keeps my mind occupied.

My wife and I recently purchased a small home and my son came over to help me move a fridge. He started yelling and swearing at me this past week and told me I'm spending too much from the business with my wife and our new home. I hired some contractors to paint and put in new floors. He told me he was only giving me $9,000 of a $36,000 payment I am owed. My wife and I are on a fixed income.

I told him to get out and he had a big outburst swearing, carrying on, and stressing me out. He doesn't even do his job and I am always doing the brunt of the work. I have decided to take my business back and all my clients and work on my own. He can figure the rest out himself.

I'm tired of his lack of commitment. His wife and him have also alienated my other children and family due to their awful drama and bullying tactics. They didn't attend a family event over the weekend we had and honestly it was the most fun I've had in a long time.

My younger son and daughter both refuse to be around this son and wife due to how awful they have treated them. My daughter hasn't attended a holiday in two years because of this son and his wife and she finally came this past weekend and we had a great time.. AITA to cut my son out of my business?

This father’s fight to reclaim his business exposes the thorny intersection of family and work. The son’s erratic behavior—yelling, withholding payments, and shirking duties—suggests a lack of accountability that’s toxic in any professional setting. Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, emphasizes, “Healthy relationships require mutual respect and clear boundaries, even in family businesses” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/5-steps-to-build-trust-in-family-relationships/). The father’s frustration stems from breached trust, while the son’s entitlement may reflect unchecked privilege.

The conflict pits the father’s legacy against the son’s dependency. The son’s lavish lifestyle, despite underperforming, hints at financial mismanagement, a common issue in family firms where 60% fail due to poor succession planning, per the Family Business Institute (https://www.familybusinessinstitute.com/resources/statistics/). The son’s alienation of siblings further complicates dynamics, echoing your past concerns about family drama disrupting harmony.

Gottman’s advice points to structured communication. The father could consult a lawyer to formalize business control, as Reddit users suggested, and offer his son a clear exit path (https://www.americanbar.org/groups/business_law/publications/blt/2021/09/family-business/). Rebuilding ties with other children, perhaps involving them in the business, could restore balance.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s finest served up a buffet of hot takes, with equal parts shade and sage advice. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Miayehoni − In this instance, NTA, but soft Y T A for letting it get to this point. Also, even if it didn't feel like it, you chose him over your daughter for 2 years, don't let that slide and work with her to make sure all is forgiven.. Cut the leech out. ETA: Misread the first time, chose him over daughter AND younger son. Gotta work with both of them and try to make it up.. ETA2: Spaces on

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − INFO If your son wants to run a business, he can build one himself. He's not entitled to yours. That having been said, this stuff about you spending money out of the business to buy and renovate a house sounds very suspect. I don't know what country you live in, but there are laws against this sort of thing in the U.S.

Tarik861 − YTA for not attending to your business earlier. You don't need Reddit, you need a lawyer, like yesterday. The longer you put this off, the worse things are going to get. Gather up all the paperwork about the transaction and what's happened since then and take it to the lawyer to review. Be prepared to write a very large check to them; this is not going to be an easy fix.

Gennevieve1 − NTA for cutting him off. But YTA for leaving your other children out of your business for so long. You've seen that your son wasn't capable of taking over the business. You've seen him use you as a personal ATM without even doing the work and you still planned to give him the business?

Why? You have a lot of groveling to do. Your other kids have gone no contact with him long time ago and I wonder why they still even talk to you. You should apologize to them for favoring him for so long. It seems to me like they deserve to inherit the business far more

and they would probably be much better working for the company. You have already given your entitled son his part of the inheritance (he bought a house worth million dollars, FFS). It's time for him to stand on his own two feet now.

tamij1313 − You may want to get a forensic financial accountant to go over all of your books/expenses/documents for the past several years as I am guessing your son has been embezzling from your company. If you were semi retired, it is also possible that he has been seriously overstepping and making decisions that you might not be aware of.

The fact that they have hired many of his wife’s family members is also concerning. Were they even qualified? Are they being paid fair market value for their skills, or are they being overly compensated as favors? It sounds as if your son and his wife have been spending large amounts of money on their home and extras and you are assuming it is because his wife has a great job.

You seriously need to look into this and dig deep. You might have inadvertently given away your company to your son and might not have a lot of recourse unless you get legally involved and get to the bottom of everything that has been happening under your nose. The fact that your other children have been isolated and distant from your family because of this one son is also concerning.

Why are you making excuses/exceptions for only one of your kids. He definitely does not seem to deserve all of the opportunity that he has been given. in fact, I fear that he has taken serious advantage of you and might be stealing your company and your money/retirement security write out from under you.

If this is the case, he is using this business to enrich himself and his wife and her family, and will most likely bankrupt it in short order. You will be left with nothing after all of your hard work. You need to look at your son with fresh eyes and see who he really is. It does not look good from my perspective.

DonWilliam77 − NTA. Your son isn't even following the agreement and denying you money he should rightfully pay. Overall his behaviour is not acceptable at all. It seems that it is overdue that you take this step.

cassowary32 − NTA. Sell the business to someone competent, retire in luxury.

NoRazzmatazz564 − NTA. Sounds like you should have done this long ago if he isn't doing the work.

SlothLoverAJE − NTA. Sounds like he was never really part of the business in the first place and you were just doing him a favor. You get a

Comfortable-Angle331 − Take and keep what’s yours. He can figure it out. A DUI 15 years ago has nothing to do with it.. 47 its time to nut up or shut up.

These opinions are bolder than a Monday morning coffee, but do they cut to the heart of the issue—or just stir the family pot? Drop your thoughts below!

This story leaves us with a bittersweet truth: sometimes, protecting your legacy means drawing a hard line, even with family. The father’s resolve to take back his business feels like a stand for fairness, but it’s tinged with the ache of a fractured bond. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t mean enabling chaos. Have you ever had to choose between family loyalty and personal principles? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Share your take—let’s keep the conversation buzzing!

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