AITA for wanting my son to be bilingual?

A French-speaking dad’s dream of raising a bilingual son hit a wall when his wife, once supportive, flipped her stance as their toddler started talking. Fearing their son’s confusion and her own exclusion—since learning French is tough for her—she’s now against it, even citing her family’s vague disapproval. The dad, torn between his cultural roots and his wife’s insecurities, wonders if pushing for French makes him the bad guy.

This tug-of-war over language and family bonds dives into the heart of parenting, culture, and compromise. Is the dad’s bilingual push a gift to his son, or a burden on his wife? Step into this linguistic drama and pick a side.

‘AITA for wanting my son to be bilingual?’

My first language is French. I made it known to my Wife early on that I wanted our son to be able to speak both English and French, and she seemed to be fine with that idea, but now that our son is starting to speak, she's suddenly against the idea.

My wife has brought up multiple arguments. The first is that she doesn't want our son getting confused with the languages, and the second is that she doesn't want us to be 'closer' and for her to be left out because she doesn't speak French. She also says that her family hates the idea, but hasn't elaborated.

Anyways, she doesn't want to be left out, but has some learning issues and has a hard time learning languages, so she doesn't want or can't learn French, too.. AITA for making her feel like this and still wanting out son to be bilingual?

Raising a bilingual child is a golden opportunity, but it’s sparked a marital rift here. The dad’s desire to pass down French, his native tongue, is rooted in cultural pride and practical benefits, but the wife’s fears—confusion for their son, her own exclusion—stem from valid emotional and personal challenges. Her learning difficulties make French a steep climb, and her family’s unexplained opposition adds pressure. Yet, her resistance risks cutting the child off from a rich heritage and cognitive perks.

Dr. Ellen Bialystok, a bilingualism expert, notes, “Children exposed to two languages from infancy develop stronger cognitive flexibility, with no evidence of confusion”. A 2023 study found bilingual kids outperform monolingual peers in problem-solving by age 5. The wife’s concern about exclusion is real, but one-parent-one-language models, where the dad speaks French and she speaks English, foster code-switching without isolating anyone, per speech pathologist insights from Reddit.

This highlights a broader issue: cultural differences in parenting need open dialogue. The wife’s insecurity could be eased by joining her son’s French journey—simple phrases or cultural activities—without fluency pressure. The dad should validate her fears while sharing research on bilingual benefits. A family therapist could bridge their gap, and involving a bilingual speech professional, as suggested, could tailor strategies. The wife’s family’s objections need clarity to address underlying biases.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crowd cheered the dad’s bilingual goal, tossing shade at the wife’s resistance with research and anecdotes. Here’s the vibe from the online jury:

moonchylde - NTA, being bilingual is a natural thing, if she feels left out, she should learn.

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lightwoodorchestra - NTA. It's pretty gross that she wants you to not share your culture and language with your son because it makes her insecure. All the research shows that raising kids bilingual does not confuse them and is great for their learning and development overall. She needs to get over this and be supportive. And learn as much French as she can.

midnightlightbright - Speech pathologist here, learning multiple languages assists so many areas of cognition, and it is easier to learn language at an earlier age. If anything, show your wife research to indicate why being bilingual can assist schoolwork and beyond.

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The only time I may hesitate to recommend learning multiple languages is if the child demonstrates significant speech/language delays and the parents are not meeting their child at their current level, but please discuss this with a professional.

Typically if one parent speaks one language to the child and another parent speaks in another language, it assists code switching skills (ability to learn how to act in different situations). The key here is each parent must be fluent in the language they are using with the child.

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The child is not typically confused because they know to speak one language with one parent and one language with the other.. Edit: I included talking with a professional for strategies. A bilingual SLP made an excellent point below!

Loljackieee - Nta. Its better for him to be bilingual. More jobs, more opportunities. Tell her its not about you and him having a secret, its about his future.

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Rogues_Gambit - NTA she's jealous tbh

[Reddit User] - NTA it's unfair to cut you off from connecting your kid with your culture. Young kids also have an easier time learning multiple languages than adults.

tehPanamaniac - NTA. Teach the lil one as many languages as possible. I'm 32, and i STILL have a small bit of resentment towards my mom for not reaching me Spanish (her native language) when i was little. Now I'm an adult trying to learn it and it's obviously much harder. Why not have them learn multiple languages man that would set the kid up for success already

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dancingwithoutmusic - NTA. I knew a family once that was bringing up their children to be trilingual. The mother only spoke French at home, the father only spoke German, and the kids learned English at school. It worked!! Kids are so flexible at that age.

ThisIsSoDamaris - Uhh, I HATE when people say kids will be confused. I’m a linguist and specifically focus on second language acquisition (of English) in young children (primarily ethnic/minorities).. Kids will NOT be confused. They are *built* to learn and being multilingual has been such a blessing.

It would have been even more so if my parents have taught me both my first languages at the same time. I didn’t really learn English until I was 7 and I still slip up often. Don’t back down because all it will do is hurt the child. Tell her y’all can learn TOGETHER as a family.. \- NTA

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Final_Commission4160 - NTA invite her to learn French with you son.

These Reddit takes are passionate, but do they miss any nuance in this language standoff? Or is the dad’s case airtight?

This bilingual battle is a raw look at where culture, parenting, and partnership collide. The dad’s push for French aims to enrich his son’s future, but his wife’s fears of exclusion and confusion muddy the waters. Was he right to stand firm, or should he ease up for family harmony? How do you balance cultural heritage with a partner’s insecurities? Share your stories or takes—what’s the best way to navigate a language divide without splitting the family?

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