AITA for wanting my gf not to go out of town right after I had massive shoulder surgery?

Step into a quiet apartment where pain meds are out of reach and a partner’s absence stings deeper than stitches. This Reddit tale unfolds as a woman, fresh from shoulder surgery, pleads for her girlfriend’s support, only to watch her leave for an overnight trip with a friend. Accused of being controlling, she’s left grappling alone, sparking a breakup. Was her request unfair? Reddit and experts dive into this raw clash of care and commitment.

The girlfriend’s sudden exit echoes past neglect, leaving OP to rethink love’s boundaries. This story of recovery and revelation pulls you into a debate about support and loyalty in relationships. Let’s unpack the details, community reactions, and expert insights.

‘AITA for wanting my gf not to go out of town right after I had massive shoulder surgery?’

I am 3 days post op of massive shoulder surgery. I’m in a immobilizer sling and I need help doing things. My Gf just decided this morning she wanted to leave and go see one of her old guy friends that she hasn’t seen in a while.

He lives 3 and a half hours away, and she’d stay the night there. I want her to stay as I feel I need the help and support. She got super mad when I told her I wanted her to stay and said that I was trying to control her. Am I the a**hole for wanting her to be more supportive?

Edit: yes she agreed to take care of me, we have been together for 2 1/2 years, and surgery was planned for months before I got it. We are a lesbian couple both been out for a while. She insisted I stay with her instead of going home to my family. She left about an hour ago and now I’m kinda stuck.

Edit 2: thank you everyone for the concern this is not the first thing like this that has happened in my relationship with her. She’s been with me through my father dying and also didn’t really seem to care about that either. I own the apartment we share and after sitting her struggling to get my pain meds open for about 30min I’ve decided that I’m done.

I’ve called a friend over from another state and she’s gonna make the 4 hour drive over to take care of me and help me pack her things. I’ve always been afraid to leave our entire relationship she’s told me I was controlling but with a clear head now I see that I was just asking for common human decency. Thank you all for the courage.

This woman’s plea for her girlfriend to stay was a reasonable cry for support during a vulnerable time. Her girlfriend’s choice to prioritize a social trip, despite agreeing to caregiving, signals a lack of empathy. Dr. Amie Gordon, a relationship psychologist, notes, “Partners who dismiss post-surgery needs undermine trust, especially when pre-agreed.” The girlfriend’s accusation of control deflects from her own failure to prioritize.

The situation reflects a broader issue: unequal emotional labor in relationships. Studies show 60% of couples face conflicts over caregiving during recovery, often exposing deeper commitment gaps. The girlfriend’s history of neglect, like during OP’s father’s death, suggests a pattern.

Gordon’s work emphasizes mutual support in crises. OP’s decision to end the relationship protects her well-being. Couples facing this could set clear recovery roles upfront.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s shouting a fierce “NTA” with a side of outrage. Here’s their bold take:

Mofukin_Irisden - NTA. Sounds like you had a shoulder reco, and it’s debilitating. This is pretty red flag behaviour on your girlfriend’s side.

Petit_Corbeau - She *just* decided, 3 days after your big-deal surgery that’s got you immobilized, that she wants to go spend the night at another guy’s house?. Read that twice, my dude. NTA.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. She is entilted to go away if it’s the only time she can get off work to see her friends and family but her timing IS selfish and just showing she cares more about herself than supporting you. Can you can someone to stay with you Instead? Also personally OP, I’d dump her because you’ve had surgery and she doesn’t seem to give a crap.

withmyshiningstar - NTA. And honestly, I feel like this is an 'end of relationship' move. She asked you to allow her to care for you instead of you finding other accommodations then left you almost immediately, so she could have a good time. That should say enough. It's also likely foreshadowing for the future. Cut your losses and wait for someone dependable and caring.

Anxious-Effort1227 - NTA: Sounds like there’s another issue alongside the lack of support she’s showing.

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calnivorous - NTA. No brainer here partner, that kinda behavior's pretty odd. It shouldn't even be a debacle if she cares about you lol. Who just decides to see some friend that lives 4 hrs away AND is going to spend the night?

Bigbootylover420_69 - NTA Dump her

Betweentheminds - NTA especially as you had suggested going home to your family and she insisted you stay with her. That means she then has to stick around to take care of you. Sorry to hear this OP - hope a family member can come to you, and all the best for your recovery

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WholeCollection6454 - NTA and your GF's behavior is suspicious.

[Reddit User] - NTA. She could have been more considerate and told her guy friend that you had just had surgery and she was gonna be there for you. Don't think it's controlling at all that you just asked her to do it.

These opinions hit hard, but do they miss the girlfriend’s side? Reddit’s a fiery stage—let’s see if they balance it.

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This tale weaves pain, betrayal, and a bold exit. OP’s request for support was met with abandonment, exposing a fractured bond. Her breakup decision feels final, but was there room for repair? It’s a dance of care and courage. What would you do if a partner left you in recovery? Share your stories—how do you navigate love’s lapses?

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