AITA for wanting my favorite flavor of cake for my birthday?

In a cozy basement apartment, a new mom dreams of a rare treat—red velvet cake—for her 22nd birthday, only to have her wish kneaded into a family feud. Expecting a low-key day with her newborn, she’s surprised when her boyfriend’s in-laws plan a party, then lecture her for choosing a “selfish” cake flavor.

Her stand for a slice of joy lands on Reddit, where users slice through the drama, debating personal choice versus group expectations. Is she entitled to her favorite cake, or should she frost over her desires for others?

‘AITA for wanting my favorite flavor of cake for my birthday?’

I'm turning 22 in a few days and I have been asked what cake I would like. I wasn't expecting any cake because I'm an adult now and I have a 1 month old son, so I haven't put much thought into it. But I naturally answered that I wanted a red velvet cake because it was my absolute favorite and I don't get to eat it but like once in 5 years because I just don't think about it much.

I don't eat sweets much (not counting pregnancy) so I was thinking, why not? Then I was given a lecture that I'm not the only one eating cake so I should get a flavor that everyone can enjoy. I understood this so I said why not get a vanilla or chocolate cake for everyone and then I can get a small 1st birthday type red velvet for me then.

Then I was given a lecture about appearing selfish to the guests. And when I didn't want to back down and give up the red velvet cake I was accused of being an A-hole. I don't feel like I'm the A-hole here but I want to find out the truth. If I am the A-hole then I'll apologize and surrender the flavor I want and just have cake by myself a few days later or something.

Edit: the people asking then lecturing me is a tag team of 4 women who are not related to me. It's my boyfriend's bothers wife, her mom, her sister, and their friend. Edit: (UPDATE) it's been 3 hours since I asked you guys AITA and according to the 200+ comments and advice I've gotten I can now say I'm NTA.

Now I feel kinda sad that I wasn't able to recognize for myself that I wasn't the A-hole. I made this post to help me because I had such anxiety over it and felt horrible. My bf finally got home from work and when I told him he was livid. He called his brother to have a personal talk with him about his inlaws.

I didn't want to cause any more drama but hopefully the little talk will help me not be treated like that in the future.. Also to answer some of you guys questions and also to clarify. I can't uninvite them Because I didn't plan the party. I was just gonna spend my day watching tv and helping my newborn with his tummy time to strengthen his neck.

My Bf's brothers inlaws were the ones that wanted to be 'nice' and throw me a party since I never had one before. So I kinda felt like the A-hole because I didn't want to be rude to the people who were 'nice' enough to throw me a party. Also I live with my bf and son in the basement of his brother and wife's house due to financial issues.

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So I'm forced to see her and her family very often. But we hope to be moved out by Christmas this year. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE JUDGMENT AND ADVICE! ❤️❤️❤️ Someone said I should just get my own big red velvet cake and eat it Infront of them while they had their 'boring' cake 😂😂 I kinda want to do this but I also don't want to cause more drama.

My birthday is August 19th so I might come back with an edit and let y'all know what I actually end up doing. Thank you guys!. Edit UPDATE BIRTHDAY 08-19-2022: so I ended up cancelling the party. I know they wanted to throw it for me but I just didn't feel like doing anything.

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I was already kinda upset in general about past birthdays and family forgetting me (close family like sisters and stuff) so I just stayed up till 5am watching the Goodfellas because I haven't seen it. Then I slept till 7 to feed my baby then slept till 12. Then I hung out with bf watching YouTube and eating left over pizza.

Then he took me out to dinner with his brother, his daughter, his other brother, and her gf (she is my friend. It's not the one being mean over cake). The waitress became my friend, and then I drove home (I really wanted to drive..) everyone at dinner came over and then just as I was about to go to bed, everyone began to sing and a red velvet cake with my name on it came dancing out (bf was dancing lol)

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I wasn't expecting cake Because at that point I didn't care anymore. After cake I went to bed and that was the end of it ❤️ I had a blast. And the AH apparently got some karma, because she and the others got sick and wasn't in attendance.

Thank you everyone for letting me know about whether or not I was the AH. Also thank you for all the recipes and advice!!! Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THOSE WHO HAVE THIS BIRTHDAY WITH ME!!!!

This birthday cake clash reveals a sticky situation about autonomy and social pressure. As family therapist Dr. Gary Chapman explains, “Respecting individual preferences strengthens relationships” . The new mom’s request for red velvet cake is a small assertion of identity, especially poignant as 25% of new mothers report feeling loss of self post-birth (source: Postpartum Support International, 2022).

The in-laws’ pushback, labeling her choice “selfish,” reflects a controlling dynamic, possibly exacerbated by her living situation. Their insistence on a “group-friendly” flavor dismisses her individuality, a common issue in blended families where 40% face boundary conflicts (source: American Psychological Association, 2023). Her compromise was reasonable, yet their reaction suggests a power play.

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This scenario highlights broader issues of autonomy in shared spaces. The in-laws’ party-planning, while kind, doesn’t entitle them to dictate her celebration. Dr. Chapman advises open communication to set boundaries. She could calmly explain her need for a personal touch, suggesting dual cakes as a win-win.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit blew out the candles on this drama, serving up a platter of support for the birthday mom and shade for the controlling in-laws. From calling out their audacity to cheering her cake choice, the comments are sweeter than cream cheese frosting. Here’s a taste of the Reddit party—grab a slice!

BingDongBingDong - NTA I don’t know who in their right mind would ask someone what flavour they wanted for THEIR BIRTHDAY then lecture them about why it’s rude to have it. It’s not everyone else’s birthday. Whoever is offering and then lecturing u sounds like a controlling AH

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soaringcomet11 - NTA. It’s your birthday and the cake flavor should be one you like. Besides a red velvet cake is basically just a chocolate cake you make with buttermilk and cream cheese frosting.. Its a normal flavor - whoever is putting up a stink about it is dumb.

ETA: there are other differences. Red velvet usually includes a small amount of vinegar which helps create a fluffy cake and it usually uses less cocoa powder than a traditional chocolate cake.

[Reddit User] - Jesus Christ. It’s YOUR birthday it is not rude to get a flavor you actually Enjoy! What is incredibly rude is asking someone what they want FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY and then arguing and lecturing them like an AH

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Idk if this is a parent, a partner, or a friend but they are not someone I would want to spend any time around.. Please try to surround yourself with people who care about your feelings over the imaginary feelings of others.

SpeedBlitzX - NTA Why would anyone ask you what kind of cake you want for your birthday then proceed to berate your choice on the flavour you picked.. If people don't like what you pick, tough luck, its your birthday not theirs.

Optimal_Reflection97 - NTA? wth it’s your bday lmao you wanna cut & eat the cake you like sooo ? what’s the point of having a party if you’re not even gunna enjoy it & I find your solution to be an easy one that makes everyone happy! Personal sized for you & a different flavoured cake for the guests. WIN-WIN ! happy bday btw 🥳🥰

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SpaceyAwesome - NTA. You're not asking for a dill pickle-flavored cake. It's red velvet, which is really just a mild cocoa flavor. I don't understand why that's so wildly different from vanilla or chocolate (which some people don't like either). As Ricky Nelson once famously sang, 'You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself.' I say get your red velvet cake and enjoy it.

[Reddit User] - NTA. If they wanted a certain flavor of cake, why would they ask you what you wanted?!? Plus it’s for your birthday! And it doesn’t matter how old you are. My partner and I are much older and we still request what kind of cake we want for our birthday.

penguin_squeak - NTA. Question: What cake would you like for your birthday new mother?. Answer: Red Velvet. Response: No, you're wrong. Just because it's your birthday you can't have the cake you like because we (the coven) don't like it. We'll get what we want you can have a cupcake.. NTA, definitely NTA. Oh my, you poor thing. Happy Birthday 🥳🎉🥳.

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witcher_rat - NTA. And you do NOT need to apologize. This is like that famous quote by Henry Ford about the model-T car: 'Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black.'.

Tell them: 'Next time why don't you just tell me the flavor of cake _I want_ at the start?' Personally I would tell them to go ahead and just get a chocolate one... and then I'd bring my _own_ red velvet cake and eat it in front of everyone. But I'm a bit of an AH.

notmyusernametoyou - Nta whoever you are talking to obviously doesn't want to do more than the bare minimum while also getting the a flavor they want (which is not red velvet). I hope you have an amazing birthday though!

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These Reddit crumbs are delicious, but do they get to the cake’s core? Is the mom’s red velvet dream fair, or should she share the vanilla love?

This birthday bash turned into a batter battle, leaving a new mom questioning her right to a favorite cake. Her stand for red velvet sparked joy and drama, but the in-laws’ pushback lingers like stale crumbs. Can they whip up a compromise, or is this party over? What would you do if your birthday wish was called selfish? Share your thoughts below!

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