AITA for wanting a week’s vacation, alone, away from my partner and children?

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The kitchen clock ticks past midnight, dishes piled high, as a 32-year-old mom types furiously on her laptop after tucking three kids into bed. This Reddit user, a stay-at-home mom juggling self-employment and every household chore, dreamed of a birthday gift to herself: a week-long solo vacation. But when she floated the idea to her partner, his sharp “selfish” jab stung, sparking a heated clash over fairness and appreciation.

This AITA post lays bare the exhaustion of unequal domestic loads and the yearning for a moment’s peace. With her partner barely lifting a finger at home, the OP’s plea for a break stirred Reddit’s empathy. Was her request a selfish whim or a desperate cry for balance? Let’s unpack this tale of burnout, partnership, and the pursuit of a well-earned breather.

‘AITA for wanting a week’s vacation, alone, away from my partner and children?’

Amid the chaos of raising three young kids and running a household single-handedly, the OP dared to dream of a solo escape. Here’s her story, straight from Reddit:

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Me (32F) and my partner (37M) are in a disagreement. He thinks I'm selfish for considering this. I don't think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say.. We have been together 12 years. My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full time (8-6).

More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm. He works in IT. We have three children (7, 4, 2) and I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a SAHM, but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day, I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop..

My birthday is coming up. I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation, for a week, on my birthday and went on my own. If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children - taking them to school and taking care of the house..

He told me I was selfish.. 'It's selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?'. He said yes. My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in the ten years. He cooks dinner 'occasionally' (2 x a month). He doesn't hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he's tired and he works full time, but I work too, and I don't feel appreciated.

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I just want a week where I don't have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else's good time while sacrificing my own. The last time I spent time away from the children/house was when we went out for dinner for his birthday in March (After they were asleep. I organised the babysitter).

Oh, and my pap smear, which he tried to make me take the children too even though he was home.. The holiday would be paid for entirely by me. He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn't take them. (We're in the UK). AITA.

This Reddit tale exposes the crushing weight of unbalanced domestic labor. The OP, managing childcare, housework, and a part-time job, is burned out, while her partner’s minimal contributions—dog-walking and a 9-to-5 job—leave her drowning. His dismissal of her vacation request as “selfish” underscores a lack of appreciation for her relentless workload.

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Dr. Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, notes, “Invisible labor, like childcare and housework, often goes unrecognized, leading to resentment and burnout” (Souce). The OP’s situation reflects this, with her partner oblivious to the mental toll of her 24/7 responsibilities. A 2021 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 65% of mothers in dual-income households handle most domestic tasks, amplifying stress (Souce).

The broader issue is gendered expectations in partnerships. The OP’s partner benefits from her labor but offers little support, a dynamic that therapy could address. Advice: The OP should book the trip, using clear communication: “I need this break to recharge; let’s plan how you’ll manage.” Couples counseling could realign their roles.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up candid takes on this domestic drama. Here’s what the community had to say about the OP’s plea for a break:

Sea_Rise_1907 − You’re not a SAHM. You have a part time job. Your division of home labor is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you. Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he’d have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did.

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Please for your own sake book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you’d done for years he’d finally see how unfair he’s been to you.. NTA, and [some food for thought.

WelshBogart − I'm not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy tbh. This sounds like a hugely unfair set up and no wonder you are feeling so burned out.

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He's not pulling his weight at all here - sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more (take your kids to an invasive medical test?! No thanks). I think you need to address that underlying issue.. You're NTA for wanting the holiday but it's a symptom of a much bigger problem.

[Reddit User] − NTA. But you’re TA to yourself for letting him be a b** the last 10 years. Asleep by 8pm? WTF? Wake his ass up and help with the 3 kids.

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internethussy − NTA. Just the childcare you're doing is a full-time job with children those ages. Added to that you're doing all the housework, all of the cooking (two times a month is not frequent), AND 2+ hours of self-employment working from home. It sounds like you have multiple full-time jobs, while he has one.

Consider pricing out what it would cost to have someone do your work full-time as an experiment. How much would it cost to hire a nanny for three children of those ages full-time? How much would it cost to hire a maid to complete the house chores you do? How much would hiring a lawn service cost?

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How much would having a home cook, or having meals delivered every day cost? Do you walk the dogs outside of the time he does in the morning? If so, add it to the list. Those are the costs of your labor. That's what the two of you save by you doing that work.

There's a decent possibility those labor costs would cost more money than he makes, and the hours those people would need to work to complete the work you are doing easily total more than the hours he's putting in at the office and walking the dogs in the morning. This doesn't even include whatever you make at the work from home job you do after dinner.

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A reasonable split would be that you do the same eight hours of work he does (be it caring for the kids, cooking, cleaning, etc.) and then the two of you split the remaining duties relatively evenly. When he comes home from work, he thinks of it as him clocking out of work- but when do you get to clock out?

Because it's not after just eight hours of work. He's not pulling his weight here, and it seems like he's not even appreciating the fact that you're doing the vast majority of the work in this situation. I know this hurts to hear.

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But I'd recommend you seek out counseling on your own to decide whether this is a healthy relationship for you to stay in and whether he's capable of making the changes needed to make your marriage into a partnership instead of you doing all the child-rearing and house labor while he is free to work without even doing the basic amount of housework he'd do if he were a single man with no kids.

BreqsCousin − Why is a parent with THREE small kids not taking all their leave?. Either he has a very toxic work environment or he's deliberately avoiding you and the children.

Existential_Turnip − My husband does the lions share of paid work, me the kids/house. I gave him the heads up that I was off to visit my friend interstate for a bit over a week during his leave and he decided to sit down and write the list of all the crap I do, appointments to keep, school activities etc.. it took us over an hour.

He dropped me at the airport, got both our mums to help for the days he had plans (the stuff he booked his actual leave for) and just… got on with it. When he picked me up he paused and said “I really appreciate all the stuff you do behind the scenes, it’s a lot” I got to say “ I really appreciate that you work your ass of so I can”. And that’s how normal, healthy relationships can work.. NTA.

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FlagCityDiva − NTA There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them. If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they'll be amenable to a three day weekend. I hope you get a much needed break.

Inevitable_Ad_9901 − Hold- hold up. He pays for the mortgage because it's 100% in 'his' name (which actually kind of screws you over). You pay for everything else including the kids' stuff. This means you contribute 50/50 financially. You can do this because you work- you have a part time job. However, the money is spent on the kids while your husband saves his for himself.

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Does this at least go on date nights or gifts for you, ever? You also take care of all the housework and childcare (he wanted you to take them to a pap smear??), including a ND child (I'm similarly ND, this isn't a dig) who you don't want to leave with strangers/family. I was going to suggest 5 days paid time off might be a bit much to ask, but no, NTA. What exactly _does_ this man do for you and your family?

walkyoucleverboy − PUT HIM IN THE BIN. NTA.

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Lady_Lovecraft89 − Use that money to get a divorce, get 50/50 custody so while he'll be struggling in his weeks with the kids, you have time to work, go on holidays and do whatever you want. Right now, he's just an extra child who doesn't contribute anything. IT is not a labor intensive, physical job. He won't die from doing laundry or cooking dinner.

But you are enabling him, which you need to stop doing. Don't ask him if you can go out, go on holiday or whatever - tell him. They're his kids too, and if he can't survive one week alone with them, that's completely his problem. Stop doing his laundry, making his food and other chores for him. If he doesn't like it, he can leave.
These Reddit roasts call out the partner’s slack, but do they see the full picture? Is a week away the fix, or is the real issue deeper?

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This birthday vacation spat reveals the raw strain of carrying a family’s load alone. The OP’s yearning for a week of freedom isn’t just a whim—it’s a cry for relief from an unfair setup. Reddit cheers her on, but her partner’s resistance raises red flags. Have you ever felt trapped by domestic duties? What would you do to reclaim your time? Drop your thoughts and spark the convo below!

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