AITA for wanting a divorce from husband who lost 200k on bitcoin?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy Swiss home, where alpine breezes whisper through open windows, a woman’s world tilted off its axis. She’d built a life of stability, her finance career funding dreams in an expensive land. But a glance at the bank account revealed a gut-punch: 300k CHF missing, 200k lost to her husband’s secret Bitcoin gamble. Her trust shattered like glass, she’s now wrestling with a question—divorce or dialogue?

The betrayal stings sharper than the mountain chill. As the primary breadwinner, she viewed their money as shared, not a solo playground for risky bets. Friends urge therapy, but her heart leans toward walking away. Can a marriage survive such a hidden blow? This story of trust and financial fidelity pulls readers into her dilemma, sparking debates on love, loyalty, and second chances.

‘AITA for wanting a divorce from husband who lost 200k on bitcoin?’

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. For our entire relationship, I have brought the majority of the money into the home. I contribute 75% of that. I don't mind, really. It's not something I think about and I have always considered it 'our' money. Our country (Switzerland) is really expensive and I grew up not in a large city, and rather poor.

When I had the chance to go to university, I studied hard, learned 3 languages, got 2 degrees, and was able to secure a good position in finance. Years later, I make a very good salary and we don't have to worry about money. We decided that my husband would handle all of the money and finances for the home.

I would check on the accounts every once in a while but, I haven't been checking regularly. A few weeks ago, I was thinking about buying a Model 3, since it has recently come to our country and I've fancied it for some time. I played with the numbers and while figuring out if I can afford it or not, I realized that there was a weird mistake in our accounts.

There was 300k CHF/USD missing. When my husband got home, I showed him the accounts and after some pushing, he admitted that he lost 200k in cryptocurrency in 2018. This is about 25% of our savings. Besides being shocked and angry, I cannot help to feel that he stole from me. He put money into something stupid without talking to me and then tried to hide it.

I was thinking about this for a week and talked to my friends and family about it. They think we should see a doctor and talk about it, try to work out the problem. But I honestly just want to get divorced. If he is capable of doing this, how can I trust him ever again? AITA for not wanting to talk about it or go to therapy? AITA for thinking about divorce?. ​

Edit: To clear a few things. We always talked about where the money should go. What things to invest in, etc. I always thought he was really open about it and I trusted him... because he is my husband. I work in finance but, my husband knows just as much about personal finances as I do.

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After going to work every day, making more decisions about money when I came home wasn't something I wanted to do. That's why I wasn't involved but, that was a mistake. Also, he sold all of the bitcoin for a 200k loss. I don't think that was clear above. So we are not going to buy more and hope for the best like some suggested.

Edit: If he had doubled our money or 'won' in some way, would I be feeling the same way?  Partially. I would be angry for him not talking about this with me. This is a large sum, too large not to discuss. I would be happy because I would have more money.

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Who wouldn't be happy if they had more money in their home accounts? But I would have stepped in and taken control of everything because I see all of this as gambling and that's not what I would like to do with money.

This financial fiasco cuts deep, exposing cracks in trust that are hard to mend. The wife’s shock is understandable—her husband’s unilateral Bitcoin plunge wasn’t just a bad call; it was a betrayal of their partnership. Financial infidelity, where one partner hides major money moves, can wound as deeply as other betrayals.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments” (Gottman Institute). Here, the husband slammed that door shut by acting alone and hiding the loss. The wife’s anger stems from this secrecy, not just the 200k loss. His failure to disclose the investment in 2018, when Bitcoin crashed, suggests embarrassment or fear, but it doesn’t excuse the deception.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: financial transparency in relationships. A 2023 survey by NerdWallet found 35% of couples reported financial secrets, often leading to eroded trust. The wife’s inclination toward divorce signals a deeper wound—her faith in shared decision-making is broken. Her husband’s expertise in finance makes his silence more galling; he knew better.

For recovery, couples therapy could help, focusing on rebuilding communication. The wife should take financial control temporarily, ensuring transparency. Gottman suggests “turning toward” each other through honest dialogue. They could set clear rules for future investments, but only if both commit. Divorce is a valid option if trust remains fractured, but exploring therapy might clarify whether this marriage is worth salvaging. Open discussions, not ultimatums, are key to moving forward.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and skepticism for this Swiss saga. They rallied behind the wife’s outrage but tossed in some caution about rushing to divorce court. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

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wigglebuttbiscuits − NTA. You don’t have to jump to the divorce option but you’re not wrong to be considering it. Not consulting you and then not owning up to his mistake when he made it was a major lapse of character.

animonafolder − NTA. Even if your husband does the financing, huge investments using both your money should be discussed first between the both of you. Of course you don’t check your saving account as often as you should because you trust him, as your husband, that he won’t f**k up. However, I don’t think that divorce is the best solution here.

You’re thinking like this because you’re upset and mad. This is a setback in your relationship and after you have moved on from this incident, he must have been a better man who learned from his mistake and you’d be thankful you didn’t divorce the man you married.

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kintu − NTA. But give it time to finalize the decision. Also ask him proof of investing it in Bitcoin. There should some kind of paper trail and him losing the money. Not just printouts.. There are other avenues he could have spent the money on that are far more worse.

SeanHaz − He spent 300k on bitcoin and lost 200k, he must have bought at the worst time and sold at the worst time for that to happen.

sneyabs − NTA bc he did steal from you in a way and isn’t even the one making majority of the money. There is an unspoken trust when you give someone control over finances and he S**T on that.

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michelosta − You're not divorcing him because he lost 200K, you're divorcing him because he lied about it and hid it from you. At least, this is what I would hope. Your title makes it seem like you want to get a divorce because of the money, in which case I would say YTA. But if it is because of him hiding it and lying about it, then NTA for considering divorce (although I wouldn't immediately jump to divorce).

oldhead − INFO. Do you truly feel he STOLE from you or was horribly embarassed/worried and really didn't know how to tell you, bring it up? Not looking to excuse him here. I am truly asking if you think he STOLE from you or made a poor investment and didn't know (was worried about) how he would tell you?

teresajs − NTA. At a minimum, I'd cut off his access to money I earned, if I were you.

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jugz978 − NTA. 25% of your savings should be a common sense non-unilateral decision. I might sit with it for a while longer just to be sure you want to go through with a divorce, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to put in effort to fix this.

monsignorbabaganoush − NTA - He didn't steal, but he absolutely violated your trust. Counseling and you taking over the finances again is the bare minimum for that, and while divorce is on the high end of the rational response window, it's still within it.

These Redditors swung between cheering her stance and urging a pause to unpack the betrayal. Some smelled a rat, demanding proof of the Bitcoin loss, while others saw the husband’s secrecy as a dealbreaker. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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This tale of trust and lost Bitcoin lays bare the fragility of partnership when secrecy sneaks in. The wife’s pain is palpable, her crossroads all too real. Rebuilding trust takes work, but is it worth it when the foundation feels cracked? Readers, weigh in: should she give therapy a shot or cut ties for good? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!

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