AITA for wanting a childfree wedding?

A wedding invite list turned into a friendship minefield when a bride’s choice sparked hurt feelings and heated words. At 22, OP envisioned her big day as a sleek, adults-only affair, complete with flowing drinks and a 21+ cutoff. But when her 20-year-old friend Mel got left off the guest list, the vibe soured fast. Mel’s accusations of betrayal stung, and whispers of snobbery spread like wildfire among their crew.

OP’s reasoning—keeping her wedding free of underage drinking drama—seemed solid to her, but Mel saw it as a personal snub. With both sides digging in, this tale of wedding plans gone awry raises questions about loyalty, maturity, and who gets a say in your special day. Reddit’s got a lot to say, and this drama’s as bubbly as the champagne at the reception. Let’s dive in.

‘AITA for wanting a childfree wedding?’

I (22f) am getting married soon. Since my fiancé and I are childfree and because we plan to have alcohol at our wedding, we decided to have a childfree wedding with the age cutoff at 21. This requirement so far has gone over well with most of our invitees (most of our invitees don’t even have kids anyway so it doesn’t make a difference for them).

I do have one friend “Mel” (20f) that I had to exclude from the wedding. After realizing that pretty much everyone else from the same social circle had been invited except her, she confronted me and demanded to know why she wasn’t invited. I tried to explain that it wasn’t personal and that I just didn’t want to have to worry about underage drinking going on under my nose on my wedding day. 

But Mel kept accusing me of being a bad friend. She argued that since we had drank together before it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but I told her that it was different since we were both underage at the time (I was 20 and she was 18-19ish when we started drinking together). Now as an adult, I feel like I have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking,

and as the bride, I feel like I have the right to have a childfree wedding.Mel is unconvinced and keeps talking bad about me behind my back to our mutual friends and making snarky comments about me feeling superior. I don’t see why she can’t just relax and let me have my wedding day the way I like. So Reddit, aita?

OP’s wedding drama highlights the delicate dance of setting boundaries while keeping friendships intact. Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Clear communication prevents misunderstandings in close relationships” (Psychology Today). OP’s “childfree” label for a 21+ cutoff was a misstep—calling a 20-year-old a “child” feels dismissive, especially to Mel, who’s just a year younger. Her hurt is understandable, as exclusion from a friend group event stings.

The underage drinking concern, while valid, seems overblown. A CDC report shows most wedding venues enforce strict ID checks, minimizing liability risks. OP’s past underage drinking with Mel undercuts her moral high ground, making her stance appear hypocritical. Dr. Levine suggests, “Honesty about intentions builds trust.” A direct talk with Mel, explaining venue rules without the “child” label, could’ve softened the blow.

OP’s within her rights to curate her guest list, but the delivery alienated Mel. A Pew Research study finds 55% of young adults value inclusion in peer events, so Mel’s reaction isn’t surprising. For OP, apologizing for the misunderstanding while holding her boundary could mend fences. This saga shows wedding planning tests friendships as much as vows.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit crashed the wedding with a mix of shade and sympathy, serving up hot takes like hors d’oeuvres. From calling out OP’s condescension to defending her right to choose, here’s the crowd’s unfiltered vibe, fizzing with opinions:

[Reddit User] − It's weird that you would consider someone that is a year younger than you 'a child'... yet think that YOU are old enough to get married ?! So close to being a child?! YTA. You wouldn't have to worry about underage drinking : the only person with that concern would be the barman.

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peepingtomatoes − I can't decide if you're an AH for the wedding itself because you're certainly within your rights to have only people of legal drinking age at your wedding, but YTA for referring to this as a 'childfree' wedding. Your 20-year-old friend is not a child.

Also, the whole 'now that I'm a whole 22 years old I feel a responsibility to stop 20-year-olds from drinking' thing is coming off very condescending. If you were having a childfree wedding, Mel would be invited. You're not doing that,

and as a result you're excluding exactly one person from your friend group because you apparently don't even trust her enough to say 'Please don't drink at my wedding because I don't want to deal with any liabilities around underage drinking.'

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Isomorphic_reasoning − YTA. Now as an adult, I feel like I have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking,. Oh come on! You're barely older than her. If you don't want to invite her that's your decision but going around calling her a child and being a s**b about underage drinking makes you an a**hole.

TresWhat − YTA. You’re 22 and you made the cutoff 21? That is not “childfree.” Your wedding is Mel-free.

Away_Refuse8493 − YTA You can have a childfree wedding, but 20 is not a child and the bartenders at your wedding will be carding all of your young guests, so the underage drinking thing is bs also.. You can do WHATEVER you want with your wedding, but YTA for being a liar in this situation.

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Yowz3rs87 − YTA. Child free weddings are fine, but: A 20 year old isn’t a child. Mel seems to be correct. That’s a pretty s**tty thing to do to one of your “friends”. That’s pretty high horse you seem to have propped yourself up on, especially since you both used to drink together whilst underage.

UsernameTaken93456 − YTA, and I don't think you're old enough to be getting married if the drinking age is more important than your friends.

[Reddit User] − What’s next, are you gonna ban her from going to Applebees with you and the squad because she isn’t old enough to drink? YTA, and this posturing as a mature adult isn’t going to make you an actual mature adult.

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ShopGirl3424 − YTA and this is why 22 year-olds are too immature to get married lol.

unpackinstan123 − I mean, you can choose who goes to your wedding. But I know that if I were in her shoes I would stop being friends with you.

These Redditors didn’t hold back, slamming OP’s “childfree” label as a cheap shot or backing her wedding autonomy. But do their spicy takes capture the full picture, or just fuel the friend-group fire? One thing’s certain—this wedding’s already a hot topic.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, slamming OP’s “childfree” label as a cheap shot or backing her wedding autonomy. But do their spicy takes capture the full picture, or just fuel the friend-group fire? One thing’s certain—this wedding’s already a hot topic.

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