AITA for wanting a child-free wedding on my nieces’ birthday?

In a whirlwind of wedding plans, a 28-year-old bride-to-be faces family friction over her big day. She and her fiancé chose her mother’s birthday for their child-free ceremony, a date special to them, after securing her mom’s blessing. It’s also her 8-year-old niece’s birthday, and though her sister initially agreed, she now demands her daughter attend, citing a promised celebration.

With 20 nieces and nephews, the couple can’t afford to invite all, sparking sibling backlash. Was sticking to a child-free plan a fair choice, or a slight to her niece’s special day? This tale of love and limits questions balancing family ties with personal dreams.

‘AITA for wanting a child-free wedding on my nieces’ birthday?’

So me (28F) and future hubby are doing the damn thing (hopefully) this year in August. We have been engaged since 2019 (and together since 2012) so this has been long time coming. For some background, I have 10 siblings (I am the youngest) and combined they have 30 children, 20 of which are aged between 4 to 17 years.

ADVERTISEMENT

For our big day, me and my fiancé chose a date (but not the year, luckily) when we got engaged, and it has been meaningful for us. It is actually my mothers birthday, so our first call was to my mom to ask her permission, if she would be okay with us having our wedding on her birthday at some point. For our delight she was super happy with the idea so that's that. In addition, one of my sisters child (8-years old) has her birthday on the same day.

So our next call was actually to her to tell her, that we would like to choose that date and the wedding will most likely be child-free because we could never afford to invite everyone. Back then she was like, yeah, do whatever, you didn't even have to call to ask. So now coming back to today, the invitations have been sent and she got hers today. And I get a call from her:

Sis: 'So I wanted to make sure that the sentence 'Please leave your children home' does not extend to your relatives, right?'.

Me: 'This extends to all of our invited guests, family and friends alike'

ADVERTISEMENT

Sis: 'But I am your SISTER, why should WE leave them home? Besides, I have promised XY all this time that we will be going to have a great dance party at your wedding for her birthday'.

Me: 'I am sorry, but I told you that beforehand when I asked about the date as well, we can not afford to invite so many guests. Think how many children there would be'.

Sis: 'No, but you should make an exception because it is HER BIRTHDAY and I promised we will go.'

ADVERTISEMENT

I know some of my other siblings are mad about the child-free thing as well and we are getting a lot of heat for it. My fiancé has a very small family, so I feel bad constantly that mine is so huge. We just want a cool party with just close relatives

and friends and not to mention COVID has set quite the limit. So AITA because I knew my chosen wedding date was a someone's child birthday and I knew that I wanted to have a child-free wedding and now I do not want to make an exception?

ADVERTISEMENT

**UPDATE**: Got married on 21st and it was the best day ever! Turns out, my niece was the best person out of all of us. We had my dads' birthday in July where I saw her and she came up to us 'Are you the ones getting married? That is so cool, if you have time,

you could come to my birthday on sunday, I wanna see pictures'. We sent her a huge bouquet of flowers on the right day and made pictures with her parents (they did come) for her and she had no problem with it at all. As for my mom, prior to the wedding she asked us not to make a fuss,

ADVERTISEMENT

but we still surprised her with a song and cake. Today she told me, that she is glad I did not listen to her - it was her favourite birthday so far. And since many of our guests knew that it was her birthday, they had been keeping her super special the entire night!

**EDIT:** Thank you all for your thoughts! When choosing a date we went with my mothers opinion and with my sister telling us we shouldn't of even asked her about it. Reading the comments I do realize that not being a parent myself didn't think about a few things. Also did some math and there is a birthday/anniversary of someone else in every 7.8 days in my family so I was fked from the start.

ADVERTISEMENT

This wedding drama is a delicate dance of family loyalty and personal vision. The bride’s child-free choice, driven by budget and preference, was clear from the start, with early communication to her sister. The sister’s late push for an exception, tied to her daughter’s birthday, reflects misaligned expectations, not malice.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Clear boundaries prevent family conflicts from escalating during big events.” A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found 35% of wedding disputes stem from guest list disagreements, like the sibling backlash here. The bride’s transparency was a strength, though a follow-up talk might have clarified her sister’s shift.

ADVERTISEMENT

This story highlights managing large families during milestone events. The couple could offer a separate niece’s birthday gesture, while siblings might respect budget constraints.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s takes on this wedding clash are as lively as a reception dance floor. Here’s what they had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

Judgement_Bot_AITA - jjjjj

Blim4 - NTA for wanting it but you'd be TA if you Stick with the date AND THEN give anyone S**t, or even the faintest hint of disapproval or grudge or not-being-a-paragon-of-understanding, for Not attending the Wedding, because making parents abandon their Kid ON THEIR BIRTHDAY inherently sucks.

ADVERTISEMENT

chicheech - ESH You for thinking your sister would skip her daughter's birthday for your wedding. And her because she should have asked for clarification if the no children rule included her daughter. I can see how she might have thought her daughter might be an exception since the wedding was going to be on her birthday.. You two should have talked it out before she got her daughter hyped up for the wedding.

OldPolishProverb - Sis, it's not a dance party it's MY WEDDING!! This is a time for the adults to get together and share child free time with each other. I am sure many of the guests are looking forward to an adult night out. I am sorry if you can't attend but we are not changing the guest list.

ADVERTISEMENT

Acelley5 - NTA I hope you enjoy your day with whoever decides to show up! We’re attending a kid free wedding in July and my husband is staying home with the kids (my cousins wedding) and it’s no problem we all made accommodations and we have a huge family as well with lots of kids.

PeppermintDeath - NTA. There is nothing wrong with a child free wedding. Now you would be ta if you expect everyone you invited to show up even if they have kids bc some may not want to leave them that long, can't afford a babysitter, etc. But honestly weddings can be very boring for kids. I know that for me personally I never wanted to attend weddings when I was younger because I really didn't care about them.

VolleyballSmurfette - NTA. You did the right thing by asking in advance. Your sister changed her mind, not your problem. Besides, if you made an exception with the one niece she would be bored being the only child there and would want to celebrate her birthday with her peers. You can’t possibly make an exception for all of the children. So stick to your guns.

yourlittlebirdie - NAH. It’s your wedding, so if not having your nieces and nephews there is important to you, then you’re allowed to do that. But you also have to understand that choices have consequences, and if you prioritize not having kids, you have to know it means some of your siblings won’t be able to come because they have their own obligations and priorities.

ADVERTISEMENT

red_lugia - 'Come to my wedding but leave your daughter somewhere even though its her birthday' you are TA for creating this situation, but they are TA for agreeing to it. In summary ESH

Plane_Anxiety910 - I would never book my wedding on a close family member’s birthday- never mind 2 close family members!! Talk about stealing their thunder, then all their future birthdays will be you and your husbands anniversary? Sorry but YTA in my book

ADVERTISEMENT

These reactions pack a punch, but do they fully capture the tug-of-war between family obligations and personal choices?

This story of a child-free wedding on a niece’s birthday reveals the messy balance of family and celebration. The bride’s firm stance honored her vision and budget, but her sister’s hurt over her daughter’s exclusion stings. Both sides hold valid feelings, yet communication faltered. The update shows a sweet resolution, with the niece’s grace shining. Have you ever faced family pressure over a big event’s guest list? Share your thoughts—what’s the line between honoring your plans and keeping family peace?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *