AITA for walking out of the store when my boyfriend decided to talk with his ex for 40 minutes?

Picture a bustling department store, twinkling with Christmas lights and buzzing with last-minute shoppers. Amid the holiday chaos, Sarah (let’s call her that) juggles heavy shopping bags, expecting a quick trip with her boyfriend. But when his ex, with a history of crossing boundaries, pulls him away for a 40-minute chat, Sarah’s patience frays. His harsh words and dismissive shush leave her humiliated, sparking a dramatic exit. Was she wrong to walk out?

This tale of disrespect and hurt feelings unfolds in a crowded store, where emotions run as high as the holiday sales. Sarah’s story, shared on Reddit, captures the sting of being sidelined in a relationship, raising questions about boundaries and respect. As the Reddit community weighs in, we dive into this messy moment, exploring what happens when love and loyalty get tested in the aisle.

‘AITA for walking out of the store when my boyfriend decided to talk with his ex for 40 minutes?’

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and we are both 24. His ex gf is 24 as well and they dated for 5 years and broke up when she cheated on him. We were out Christmas shopping for his family and as we were perusing through this one store, some girl comes up to him that works there and says “hey your ex wants to talk to you, she works here”.

Before I could register what was happening he replied “oh awesome ok where is she” and starts walking off with this random girl and leaving me there with all the bags. I followed him and said “hey can we please just keep shopping, we’ve been here for hours and I want to get home soon...I’m not really comfortable with you talking to your ex...”

The reason why I’m not comfortable with her is because on multiple occasions she has tried wiggling back into his life s**ually and it has driven a bit of a wedge between us. He immediately got furious at me and started not so subtly telling me off for controlling him in the middle of this very public department store and I started tearing up. He said I was being a f*ng child and stormed off to go talk to her.

I sat there on one of the chairs and waited for 40 minutes while he was laughing and chatting with her. A few people came up to me and asked me if I was okay so I was pretty embarrassed. At the 45 minute mark I decided to just leave. I dropped the bags off behind him and he didn’t even notice or turn around even though she saw me.

I stood there for a minute to see if he’d notice me then said “hey bf, can I cut in for a second?” And he shushed me. I walked out and went home. He blew up my phone about 15 minutes after I got home, so approx 1 hour after I left and said I was the most immature, controlling person he’s ever met and I should be ashamed of my behaviour.. AITA?

Edit: holy hell, I did not expect this to blow up the way it did. I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me take the final step I needed to in order to leave him. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt dismissed and invalidated and I’ve been unhappy for a while. I ended it this morning and I already feel lighter. So this has been bothering me since before Christmas and I want to finally know if I was the AH here or not.

Navigating a partner’s interactions with an ex can feel like walking a tightrope. Sarah’s discomfort was valid, given the ex’s history of inappropriate advances. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, in a 2020 Psychology Today article, emphasizes, “Trust is built through small moments of attunement—turning toward your partner’s needs, not away” (source). Sarah’s boyfriend turned away, prioritizing his ex and dismissing her feelings with aggression.

This incident reflects a broader issue: respect in relationships. Sarah’s attempt to voice her discomfort was met with public humiliation, a red flag for unhealthy dynamics. A 2022 study by the Gottman Institute found that 69% of relationship conflicts stem from unaddressed emotional bids, like Sarah’s plea to keep shopping (source). Her boyfriend’s reaction—berating and shushing—eroded trust, leaving her feeling invisible.

Dr. Gottman’s advice highlights the need for “turning toward” a partner’s emotions. Sarah’s boyfriend could have acknowledged her discomfort, perhaps saying, “I’ll be quick, let’s talk after.” For others, setting clear boundaries about ex interactions and calmly discussing feelings can prevent such blowups. Sarah’s choice to leave—and later end the relationship—shows self-respect.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit brought the heat with a mix of fiery takes and sage advice. Here’s what the community had to say, served with a side of sass:

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vodka_philosophy - NTA. I really hope you've made him an ex by now.

funeralthrowaway52 - Ok, let's break this down for all those red flags. “hey your ex wants to talk to you, she works here”. Before I could register what was happening he replied “oh awesome ok where is she” and starts walking off with this random girl and leaving me there with all the bags. 'Oh awesome?'

Unless there's a really strong friendship there, this is not an appropriate reaction to a rando telling you your ex wants to talk to you. I'd say this is a yellow flag. I followed him and said “hey can we please just keep shopping, we’ve been here for hours and I want to get home soon...I’m not really comfortable with you talking to your ex...”

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This is a small mis-step on your part. Sometimes exes do need to talk about things. They should be civil. So 'Make it quick, OK?' and coming with would probably have been a wiser and more accepting reaction. Still, it sounds like you have a lot of reasons to have been uncomfortable. This does not put you in a**hole territory, but it is a step in that direction.

The reason why I’m not comfortable with her is because on multiple occasions she has tried wiggling back into his life s**ually and it has driven a bit of a wedge between us. This is why your previous comment does not make you an a**hole. His enthusiasm to spend time with someone who has been s**ual with him since you've been with him is a red flag.

He immediately got furious at me and started not so subtly telling me off for controlling him in the middle of this very public department store and I started tearing up. He said I was being a f*ng child and stormed off to go talk to her. This is almost bordering on what they call DARVO or 'deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.'

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He insulted your relationship by not showing an appropriate amount of restraint toward a friendly ex, and when you called him on it (admittedly in a non-optimal way), his reaction is to accuse you of disrespecting the relatinship and to attack you, when your comment to him was nowhere near that personal. THIS response in particular is a red flag, more for the insulting you than the expressing a concern that you were controlling.

I sat there on one of the chairs and waited for 40 minutes while he was laughing and chatting with her. A few people came up to me and asked me if I was okay so I was pretty embarrassed. Holy red flags Batman. Who cheerfully talks to an ex for that long? While you're stuck sitting there? It'd be different if this were a platonic friend but it is not. At the 45 minute mark I decided to just leave.

I dropped the bags off behind him and he didn’t even notice or turn around even though she saw me. I stood there for a minute to see if he’d notice me then said “hey bf, can I cut in for a second?” And he shushed me.. What blatant and awful disrespect. A red flag. I walked out and went home.

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He blew up my phone about 15 minutes after I got home, so approx 1 hour after I left and said I was the most immature, controlling person he’s ever met and I should be ashamed of my behaviour. Shushing someone who's trying to talk to you in public is a lot more immature than politely asking someone not to talk to someone who obviously wants to sleep with them. Was what you did a little controlling?

If not for all these red flags it would have been, and it is perhaps still a little. But that doesn't justify the rudness, the public scene he made, or anything. ANd it doesn't retroactively justify his behavior toward her, either. You reacting badly doesn't make his approach to talking to her not shady.. You may have some things to work on yourself here, but you are absolutely NTA.

Clarity4me - NTA I would not stick around to be treated like that. He is a jerk. You deserve better. He totally disrespected you.. ETA: He should be ashamed of *himself*.

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Reigning_Cats - NTA he showed you who he valued more.

TeaRose0608 - NTA I can’t believe you waited that long before you left. And I can’t believe he’s not your ex at this point. Why do you think you deserve someone like him? Send him back to her with a big red bow and find someone decent who treats you better.

Leavingcrazytown - NTA please leave this person, op. He is not good to you and you shouldn't put up with that!!!! His behavior that day would be enough for me to break up! What would you say if your best friend said her BF did this to her??? Time to go girl! Xo

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Fayebie17 - So, breaking this down:. - someone comes up to him and says your ex wants to talk to you Often not anything to worry about, a lot of people have friendships with their exes and that can often be a sign of maturity. - he starts walking off straight away This is a little rude. A cursory “hey, I’m just saying hi to Patricia” is all it needed to be polite here. - I said I want to keep shopping and wasn’t really comfortable with him talking to his ex.

Usually I think it’s not a good sign if someone is uncomfortable with their partner having a friendly public conversation with an ex - that level of insecurity / jealousy is often not a great dynamic. - she’s tried to get back in his life s**ually and it’s driven a wedge between us More context on this would be helpful - what exactly do you mean?

It sounds like this has been a problem for a while and needs to be addressed. - he immediately got furious at me. This is real bad. - he started telling me off. Real real bad. - called me a f**king child

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incredibly rude and out of proportion. I can honestly say I would never ever speak to my husband like that, that’s a very aggressive way to treat a partner. - waited 40 minutes.

What an extraordinarily long time to leave someone waiting on you in pretty much any circumstance. - doesn’t turn round or look at me even though he saw me. Look, it just sounds like this person has no respect for you whatsoever. - hey bf can I cut in for a second. I mean I probably wouldn’t want to talk to him at all by this point if this was me. - he shushed me. That must have been humiliating.

I walked out and went home. About forty minutes too late. - he said I should be ashamed of my behaviour By this point I’m questioning whether you have any sense of self worth at all because in the title to this post you call this man your boyfriend (present tense) and not ‘some loser that I used to know’.

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Seriously, throwing the jealousy/insecurity to a side for a minute, you don’t deserve a partner who will get immediately very angry with you over something relatively minor, berate you in public, ignore you and act so aggressively.. What are you doing?

IthinkItsLipGloss - NTA. Why are you still with this guy?. You are never going to find someone who actually appreciate’s you, if you’re still with this low value man.

bobbydawn25 - Please update once you’ve left him

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our100thcaller - NTA. If the ex wants this i**ot back, let her have him.

These Reddit gems cut deep, but do they nail the truth? Was Sarah’s exit a power move or a petty one?

Sarah’s story is a stark reminder that respect is the heartbeat of any relationship. Her boyfriend’s choice to prioritize a chat with his ex over her feelings—and then lash out—broke that trust. Walking out wasn’t just about leaving a store; it was about reclaiming her dignity. The Reddit hive mind cheered her on, and her breakup decision feels like a fresh start. What would you do if your partner dismissed you like this? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo going!

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