AITA For walking out in the middle of thanksgiving dinner after my brother in law announced my sister’s pregnancy?

The Thanksgiving table, laden with golden turkey and steaming sides, should’ve been a haven of warmth for a family gathering. Yet, for one woman, it became a stage for raw grief. Just two weeks after losing her baby at five months, the 36-year-old faced a gut-punch moment when her brother-in-law stood to announce his wife’s pregnancy. The room buzzed with awkward tension, her heart raced, and the festive air turned heavy with unspoken pain.

Her sister, once a pillar of support, sat frozen, hands hiding her face, while the announcement landed like a poorly timed firecracker. Overwhelmed, the woman grabbed her purse and left, her husband trailing behind. The abrupt exit sparked family criticism, but was it justified? Her story, shared on Reddit, pulls readers into a delicate dance of grief and family expectations.

‘AITA For walking out in the middle of thanksgiving dinner after my brother in law announced my sister’s pregnancy?’

I 36F went through an incredibly hard time losing my baby while I was 5 months pregnant with him. This has affected me both physically and emotionally. I don't have kids and my husband and I have been struggling for a long time trying to have kids.

My sister has been supportive of me, she's 7 years younger than me and has been married to her husband for two years now. She visited me several times to see how I was doing. Her husband however seems to have an issue with me personally.

He's always been treating me poorly and acting like he's somehow superior to me and my husband, my husband doesn't see my family much so this wasn't an issue especially when my brother in law comes over. My husband and I were invited to thanksgiving dinner at my mom's house.

We got there a bit late because I was taking care of some tests at the hospital that needed to be done so that my doctor could see them the next day. We sat at the table my aunt was present she lives alone so she always visits and casually talked about several things. I noticed my sister and my brother in law were whispering something to each other,

and at some point I heard my sister tell her husband to knock it off. We were confused we had no idea what was going next thing I knew my brother in law got up from his seat and announced that they were expecting. I looked at my husband and he was shocked but not because of the news but the way it was given.

My sister hid her face in her hands and did nothing else except that. It took me time to process this while my aunt got up and started hugging and congratulating my sister. I don't know what suddenly happened to me my heart started pounding and my husband was already gone to the bathroom to wash up.

I just gathered my things and took my purse then told them to finish their dinner then I walked out. My sister was sitting there the entire time and just watched me and my husband walk out while my mom was trying to convince me to stay for a little longer. I felt absolutely horrible.

I only lost my baby two weeks ago and for me to be taken off guard like that is just horrible. I got no calls nor texts from my sister wanting to talk, nothing but my aunt called me to tell me what I did was totally inappropriate and that I should've stayed and congratulated my sister and her husband.

Even berated my husband for not reacting differently. I argued with her that my brother in law did it purposely and that he could've picked a better time but instead chose to spite me and my husband while still grieving our baby. My aunt still thinks I should've acted in adult way and not walk out on dinner like that.

ADVERTISEMENT

Navigating family gatherings after a miscarriage can feel like walking through a minefield of emotions. The woman’s fresh loss at five months, often considered a stillbirth, carries profound physical and emotional weight. Her brother-in-law’s announcement, delivered without warning, likely deepened her grief, while her sister’s silence suggests she was caught off guard, perhaps aware of the poor timing. His apparent disregard for the woman’s pain, paired with his history of dismissive behavior, points to a lack of empathy.

This situation reflects broader challenges of supporting loved ones through pregnancy loss. According to a 2021 study in The Lancet, 23% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, yet societal silence often leaves grievers isolated. Dr. Jessica Zucker, a psychologist specializing in reproductive loss, notes, “Grief after miscarriage is often disenfranchised, as society may not recognize the depth of the loss” . Here, the brother-in-law’s announcement, possibly intentional, ignored this reality.

The woman’s choice to leave was a boundary-setting act, prioritizing her mental health. Experts suggest such self-preservation is vital; Resolve.org recommends therapy tailored to pregnancy loss to process grief . Her sister, though supportive before, may now face her own conflict, balancing joy with sensitivity. Open communication—perhaps a private conversation to express hurt—could mend ties.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a feast of opinions with a side of wit. From calling the brother-in-law a tactless jerk to urging the woman to seek therapy, the comments were a lively mix of support and shade.

[Reddit User] − NTA your aunt and BIL get that honor. Give your sister time. I’m sure she was shocked that someone she’s having a baby with overrode her wishes in such a spectacular manner. And she’s juggling a pregnancy and being amazing, supportive sister to you and her husband just f**ked it all up.

ChemicalParfait − You lost your baby 2 weeks ago and bil thought this was a good time to announce? NTA. I'm sorry for your loss. I can understand they wanted to tell family in person while people we together but they should have at the very least warned you beforehand or waited until Christmas. Preferably both.

ADVERTISEMENT

Docdinosaur − NTA. I complete agree with you. Losing your baby ONLY TWO WEEKS AGO at 5 months pregnant is very hard. You are still grieving a tremendous loss and your BiL had no couth in announcing their healthy pregnancy at a family gathering. He and your sister are the AH here. This s**t is so hard. I would have also walked out too. Hugs OP.. Edit: I meant Aunt. Not sister.

PurpleMP12 − NTA. A 5 month miscarriage is on the edge of being classified as a stillbirth. It might have been post the viability point.. You are grieving, and that grief deserves respect and compassion. Block your aunt. Don't talk to her anymore.

Put your sister and brother on do not disturb and don't talk to them. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I've found therapy with a therapist who specializes in pregnancy and infant loss helpful. Resolve.org has a good list.. I'm so sorry for your loss.

ADVERTISEMENT

SimplyNRG − NAH...I understand why it hurt your feelings but realistically, it would hurt your no matter when she announced it...to say her pregnancy WOULDN'T have hurt IF she had announced it later, or IF she had spoken to you first, or IF it wasn't a family holiday is just knittpicking a reason to transfer your pain...

It's going to be impossible for you to be happy for her, which is soooo understandable...but don't rob your sister of the joyous moments of her 1st pregnancy either...find a support group and distance yourself from her just for a little while until you feel better...

[Reddit User] − NTA. I think many people who haven't dealt with miscarriage think they would handle it as no big deal...but between the dream lost and the hormones, it hits most a lot harder. I would not be upset with your sister because she may be trying to give you space (including with the announcement) but it sounds like your BIL is just an all-around jerk.

ADVERTISEMENT

RedditDK2 − ESH - Your BIL may be a jerk for how he announced, but you owe your sister an apology. You said that your sister had been supportive. While your pain is very real, you just made the announcement of her having a child all about you and your loss.

Your sister was waiting for you to support her like she had supported you - and you didn't. Why would you think your sister would reach out to you when your reaction to her happy news was to walk out?

anchovie_macncheese − *Two weeks ago*?? OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. Of course your sister and her husband deserve to celebrate their happiness about their conception, but the timing and presentation of this news was absolutely terrible, and pretty inconsiderate to boot.. NTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

CreamingSleeve − NAH, but I do feel like your sister is more of the victim than you, OP. Her amazing news is shadowed by your personal tragedy, and although she has been there for you in your time of need (putting stress in herself during the vital first trimester of pregnancy,

assuming she’s been pregnant for a while as most people don’t announce until atleast the 12 week period), she was afraid to share this good news with you.. Perhaps this is why BIL has a problem with you?

Delicious_Lobster468 − Hmmm, I think im going to go with NAH. Your sister and her husband have every right to be happy and excited for their pregnancy and want to share it with the family when everyone is gathered together. He could have shown more sensitivity but it doesn't make him an AH.

ADVERTISEMENT

You are understandably not open to celebrating other people's fertility when you're struggling and the loss is so raw. While eventually you may love your niece or nephew and be excited for your sister, you're not there yet and that is ok. Leaving when you can't handle something is a mature and polite way to deal with the situation.

These Redditors rallied behind the woman’s pain but split on her sister’s role, some seeing her as a victim of her husband’s insensitivity. Others wondered if the aunt’s scolding missed the mark entirely. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding spice to the drama?

This Thanksgiving tale reveals how grief can clash with celebration, leaving families to navigate raw emotions. The woman’s exit wasn’t just a reaction; it was a stand for her healing. Her sister’s silence and the brother-in-law’s boldness highlight how timing and tact matter in family dynamics. Readers, how would you handle such a moment? Share your thoughts and experiences—have you ever faced a family announcement that hit too close to home?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *