AITA for Walking Away When a Woman Approached Me at a Bar?

In the dim glow of a beachside bar, Jake, a 27-year-old enjoying a solo Fanta, scrolls through his phone, unwinding after a swim. A young woman, about 22, slides into the seat beside him, starting a conversation. Without a word, Jake stands and walks away, leaving her question—“why are you walking away?”—hanging in the air. Later, his family calls him out, arguing his silent exit was rude and could’ve hurt her self-esteem. Jake, single and uninterested in romance, stands by his choice.

This isn’t just about a bar encounter; it’s about personal space, social expectations, and the right to say no—silently or otherwise. Jake’s abrupt departure sparked a family debate, and Reddit’s community jumped in with divided takes, from cheers to jeers. Let’s sip into this social skirmish and explore where boundaries meet politeness.

‘AITA for Walking Away When a Woman Approached Me at a Bar?’

I (27M) decided to visit a bar for a quick drink after a swimming session at the beach. I ordered myself a cold Fanta since I am not really interested in alcohol. The bar wasn't too crowded, there were some people but it was far from being full.

When I was enjoying my drink and checking the recent news from my phone, a woman (approximately 22) sat next to me and started talking to me. Before she even managed to introduce herself, I got up and walked away without saying a word.

I didn't even look back, I just heard something along the lines of 'why are you walking away'. I didn't pay any attention to her after that. When I was having a talk with my family, I mentioned this event, and they started arguing with me about it.

They said that just walking away was an a**hole move on my part since I put that girl into bad light and possibly hurt her self esteem.. So, was it? Keep in mind that I am single and I am not interested in forming a relationship.

Jake’s silent exit from the bar conversation raises questions about balancing personal boundaries with social grace. Dr. Deborah Tannen, a communication expert, notes, “Social interactions carry unspoken expectations, but individuals have the right to prioritize their comfort, especially in unsolicited encounters” (Georgetown University). Jake’s choice to leave without speaking reflects a desire for solitude, but his family’s criticism highlights a cultural expectation of politeness, even toward strangers.

This ties to a broader issue: navigating unwanted social advances. A 2023 Pew Research study found that 41% of adults feel pressured to engage in conversations they’d rather avoid in public spaces (Pew Research). Jake’s action, while abrupt, aligns with asserting personal space, particularly as a man uninterested in romance. However, the woman’s perspective—potentially feeling rejected or ignored—underscores how silence can be misread as rudeness.

Dr. Tannen suggests a middle ground: a brief, polite disengagement, like “Sorry, I’m not up for chatting,” can maintain boundaries while softening the impact. Jake could reflect on whether a quick acknowledgment might align with his values without compromising his comfort. For the woman, approaching strangers carries a risk of rebuff, and resilience is key, as psychotherapist Amy Morin advises: “Not every interaction owes you engagement” (Verywell Mind). Jake’s family might consider that his intent wasn’t to harm but to protect his peace.

For navigating public spaces, experts recommend clear but kind boundary-setting to avoid misunderstanding. Jake’s walkaway wasn’t malicious, but a small gesture could prevent hurt feelings, fostering mutual respect in fleeting encounters.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew poured out a mix of support and shade, serving up takes as fizzy as Jake’s Fanta. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

kermit_3000 − NTA, i am surprised at how many people do think you’re the a**hole. You don’t owe anyone anything, you were on your phone at a bar, you were clearly not looking for a social interaction. If the roles were reversed and a dude tried to talk to a girl at a bar, and the girl just got up and left, people would’ve told her she was NTA. If you go up to a stranger you should be ready for a possible negative outcome, they don’t owe you anything.

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rekolynn17 − NAH, sure it is socially appropriate to say something like, “Not to be rude, but I was just leaving”, but you are not responsible for a stranger’s self esteem. Your behavior is common for someone who has Aspergers, or is deaf.

Next time, if you want to be polite just smile and excuse yourself. If you don’t want to ascribe to social norms, then just be prepared for others to think that maybe you have a medical condition. No big deal either way.

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Myrabel − What's with the YTA-s??? If this would have been from a female point of wiew, no one would give that verdict! If a guy starts to talk to a girl and she walked away without a word, people would say that she did a smart thing.

But when a guy walkes away, coz he felt uneasy...he's TA?? What's up with that?? You are NTA!!! You did what you felt you had to do! You didn't owe her a word! You know, when we are kids our parents teach us to never talk to strangers?! Well, she was a stanger😉. NTA! NTA!!

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lactating_almonds − I mean yes that’s rude. You don’t *have* to say anything, you don’t technically owe her that. But it’s very easy to say “excuse me” and then walk away. I like to treat people the way I want them to treat me. And it would feel very rude if I approached someone in a social setting and was ignored like that. It’s very easy to politely excuse yourself, no need to be rude YTA

underthestars2277 − As I women if I was in a bar alone minding my own business and some random guy comes and sits at my table to try to talk to me I would 100% just take my things and walk away, I wouldn’t even say a word… I’m not in the business of creasing gender biases so NTA,

it made you uncomfortable so you walked away end of the story, you don’t have build anyone self-esteem, also if you were in a relationship that would of been a good move, I would want my boyfriend to just get up and leave, idk in my eyes you didn’t do anything wrong.

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Correct_Squash6668 − NAH but kinda rude. She's still human. It's okay to say 'sorry but I'm not feeling very social today.' Typically that makes people walk away. Just cuz you have a bee in your bonnet doesn't make it okay to make someone feel like they don't matter/are invisible.

Literally would have taken 2 seconds to say ' I want to be left alone' vs making someone feel like trash. Girl is probably so confused and wondering if something is wrong to the point she just naturally repels people.

[Reddit User] − Nta. Not the best social etiquette but if you weren't feeling comfortable and that's all you could manage, it's not too big a deal.

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ShaneVis − NTA --- Is it a bar law that you have to talk to whoever sits next to you ???.

HollasForADollas − YTA. Damn, give a the poor woman a quick 'I have to go,' or 'I'm not interested in talking.' Just acting like she doesn't even exist was unnecessarily cold.

Alpaca_Tasty_Picnic − NTA. I encourage the younger women that I know that they don't owe any stranger anything. That they don't need to be polite if they're uncomfortable. Politeness can literally kill. I see no reason why this should be any different. You did not encourage or want this company or interaction. You were not unnecessarily rude or abusive, you just left.

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These Redditors split on Jake’s move, some cheering his freedom, others calling for courtesy. Do their takes capture the full flavor of this social clash, or are they just stirring the ice?

Jake’s story is a reminder that personal boundaries are sacred, but social settings come with unwritten rules. His walkaway protected his peace but left ripples of hurt, real or perceived. A quick word might’ve eased the sting, but his right to opt out stands firm. Finding a balance between self-care and kindness could keep the vibe smooth for all. Have you ever ducked an unwanted chat, or felt snubbed by a silent exit? What would you do in Jake’s shoes to keep your cool? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation flowing!

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