AITA for visiting my sister in law (or as she puts it, stalking her)?

Imagine a work van cruising a quiet neighborhood, our guy, a home repair pro, pulling up to his brother’s place for a breather between jobs. The door swings open, his sister-in-law nods a welcome, kids darting around in a whirlwind, and a steaming coffee cup lands in his hand. It’s a cozy pit stop—venting about work, musing about married life, then off to the next gig. For weeks, it’s his chill zone, a slice of calm in a busy day.

But the vibe sours fast! She stops inviting him in, shuts the door, and tensions bubble up. A fiery face-off erupts—SIL cries disrespect, he digs in, and suddenly “stalking” echoes through family chats, her PTSD adding weight. He axes the business, fuming, but now lines are drawn. Was he just popping by, or did his casual hangs veer into intrusive territory?

‘AITA for visiting my sister in law (or as she puts it, stalking her)?’

Lately my brother and I started a home repairs business. Sometimes when I dont have a call I'm in his neighborhood so I stop by his place to chill. His wife answers the door and she's always chill. Kids running around, she's in her pajamas. She invites me in and offers me coffee. I often talk about my wife or complain about work then leave for the next call.

After a couple weeks of this she stops letting me in. I ask if my bro is there and she says no and closes the door. Ok, so I have lunch in my car or something. Eventually it's time to go to the next job and move along. One day my bro comes home so I drove him with me to the next job. Nbd. After about another month she's super pissed.

I don't know why but her and my bro come over, she tells my wife to stop texting her and stuff (they always have some kind of beef - wow) and tells me I'm being disrespectful to her and my wife at the same time. She says she's going to start standing up for herself, whatever that means. I make my wife apologize but really I don't like being disrespected in my own home.

The next day I come by her place like normal, I hang out outside, like normal. But in the evening she texts me not to come by anymore. Well I am beyond disrespected now. So I tell my bro the business is over because of her. She always ruins everything. Well now they've told our mom I was stalking her, but I only came by to take my bro to work. I think it's not a big deal but they made it a huge deal. They think I'm an ass hole for 'stalking'.

What starts as a casual visit can spiral into a boundary brawl! Our handyman thought his brother’s home was a laid-back lounge, sipping coffee, unloading woes. His SIL, polite at first, hit her limit, especially with PTSD in the mix, and begged for space. Ignoring her plea—lingering outside, axing the business—fueled a “stalking” claim, turning a chill stop into a hot mess.

Respecting space is key: a 2021 YouGov survey shows 60% of people want a heads-up before guests arrive (source). SIL, wrangling kids and trauma, craved control of her turf. Lingering in the yard after a “no” felt creepy, not casual—especially after dicey sex-life chats crossed a line.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a boundary expert, notes, “Unannounced visits test limits; consent is non-negotiable” (Psychology Today, source). Here, he missed her signals, taking “no” as a personal jab. Fix it? Text first: “Okay if I swing by?” For SIL, PTSD support via NAMI (source) could help.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s dishing dirt, and it’s a zesty roast! From “entitled creep vibes” to “you sank your own ship,” the crew’s slicing this saga with sass. Check out their bold, witty takes below.

parishilton2 - YTA. Your SIL was never “chill” about you randomly coming over when she’s in her pajamas, has kids to wrangle, and then has to stop and make you coffee and listen to your problems. She was being polite.

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Your fixation with “disrespect” seems more like entitlement. And it was very immature of you to end your business with your brother over this - and then blame it on SIL like you’re a child - though I think it’s for the best that you and your brother discontinue working together.. Can’t you see your role in all this conflict?

DemmyDemon - This smells like 'not the whole story' to me.. INFO: What did you leave out?

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WhatsTheCraicNow - YTA for not respecting her need for space. She's made it very obvious she's not interested in a friendship or entertaining you just dropping by.

GlitterSparkleDevine - You say you were picking up your brother but in a comment you say that in the multiple times you showed up, he was only there once.. bro wasn't there except for the one time. I was trying to be nice by giving him a ride. So you stopped by her house, unannounced multiple times and never thought to ask if it was okay?

And when she finally stopped letting you in, your solution was to stay in your car parked on her property? Then when she confronts you about it, you act like everything's okay and keep doing it? She didn't ruin anything, you did by ignoring her boundaries.

Her house and yard are not yours to use without her permission which it looks like you never got.. You also said in a comment about his wife:. She was recently diagnosed with PTSD though so she's taking everything out of proportion.. Which makes your behavior worse. YTA

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miasabine - OP said in a now deleted comment: I don’t moan about my wife but she (SIL) has more s** than I do so she sometimes gives me advice on how to get more action at home.. Seems like we’re getting closer to the parts OP was leaving out. Don’t drop in on people unannounced unless they have made it explicitly clear it’s okay. Don’t talk to your SIL about your s** life. Don’t sit in your car outside someone’s house for god knows how long.. YTA.

[Reddit User] - YTA. You were constantly showing up over there uninvited. Of course she invited you in at first; you put her in an awkward position. Now you're just hanging outside the house? The rest of the conflict is separate from you being either entitled or a creep.

[Reddit User] - YTA You showed up repeatedly without an invitation, cut into her morning routine while she has kids to try and wrangle, use her as free therapy, and then claim she's the disrespectful one? No, no she's not. You, however, are entitled and definitely exhibiting signs of something very close to weaponized incompetence.

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Hemantobarish - Yta. You say that one day you drove your brother. What were you doing all the other days hanging out outsid3 their house

RemarkableLow6689 - I think it weird and unpolite to show up at someones house without notice. You disrespected her in her house by not asking her if its okay for you to stop by.. The next day I come by her place like normal, I hang out outside, like normal. Also this is super creepy ⬆️.

She clearly was pissed at you/your wife but you decided to just ignore her feelings and act like you don't care? Why did you go to her house the next day? And what did you do there were you just staring and standing still? Were you walking around? Its not your property so you cant just show up and act like you own the place.. YTA.

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Imaginary-Jelly-3565 - YTA Who the f**k feels disrespected by being told to not come by someone else’s house?? You sound absolutely unhinged and to be honest, you dissolving the business is doing your former partner a huge favor because if I were him, this level of entitlement and aggression over being asked something incredibly reasonable is a massive red flag.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe he misjudged her welcome, or SIL’s stress dialed up the drama.

Our story closes with a riled-up handyman, a fed-up SIL, and a business left in shambles. He saw drop-ins as no big deal, but her plea for space—bolstered by PTSD—flipped it to “stalking” territory. Ignoring her sparked a blaze, and blaming her burned bridges. A simple “you cool if I stop by?” might’ve dodged this dust-up! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Toss your thoughts, boundary tips, or family fixes—let’s unravel this wild ride together!

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