AITA for using 23 and me against my dad’s wishes?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet moment of curiosity, a 24-year-old’s decision to explore their roots through a DNA test ignited a family firestorm. Uncovering a web of unknown siblings, they stumbled into a secret their father had fiercely guarded, turning a quest for connection into a clash of trust. The fallout left their family reeling, with anger and silence replacing once-warm bonds.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy intersection of personal choice and family loyalty. It’s a tale of unintended revelations, where a simple swab unraveled hidden truths, captivating readers with its raw emotion. As the poster grapples with guilt and defiance, the story resonates with anyone who’s weighed their right to know against the cost to those they love, sparking debate over where autonomy ends and responsibility begins.

‘AITA for using 23 and me against my dad’s wishes?’

I'll make it clear that I'm 24 so not a minor. Also, my dad didn't want me using it because he says they'll sell my DNA to the government, or use it in medical testing, or some bs about it being his DNA too, etc.

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Anyways, we already knew that I had a half-brother but after using the service I discovered a half-sister, which in turn told me about 2 more half-brothers we don't know about and 3 half-sisters. She messaged me because she was trying to keep in contact with all family.

To be honest, knowing my dad's history I wasn't surprised but now I feel but because I brought it up when I found out and realized too late it was a secret and now my mom and sister are pissed. Dad is angry at me now and won't speak. AITA?? Should I have just listened or agreed with him?

This story highlights the double-edged sword of DNA testing: a tool for connection that can unearth painful secrets. The poster’s choice to use 23andMe, against their father’s wishes, exposed his hidden past, sparking family conflict. While their curiosity was natural, the fallout reveals the ethical tightrope of genetic exploration.

DNA tests often reveal unexpected family ties, with Ancestry.com reporting that 1 in 7 users discover unknown relatives. Dr. Anita DeLongis, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Genetic testing can disrupt family narratives, forcing confrontation with truths some prefer buried” (University of British Columbia). The father’s fear of privacy loss wasn’t baseless—companies like 23andMe share anonymized data for research, though direct sales to governments are unproven. His secrecy, however, suggests avoidance of accountability for his other children.

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The poster should apologize for the unintended exposure but affirm their right to explore their heritage. Open family discussions, possibly with a therapist, could mend ties. This story invites readers to weigh personal autonomy against family harmony, encouraging thoughtful use of DNA tests.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew dove into this DNA drama with gusto, tossing out a spicy mix of support and sharp takes. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got a hot opinion and no filter. Here’s the raw scoop from the community:

username93- − NTA- He’s just pissed you found out about his other children that he’s taken no responsibility for. That’s a him problem not a you problem. You have a right to get to know who you’re related to

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Are all these half siblings your half siblings and some aren’t just your half siblings half siblings? I’m just asking bc it doesn’t sound like they all showed up on the test so I’m wondering how your half sister knows you all share a father

brownbird8888 − NTA. The cat is out of the bag now. Your dad has to face up to his responsibility.

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Colonel_Khazlik − You embarrassed your father, but that's not on you.. Not your fault he made so happy siblings for you to find. NTA.

shakeywasher − Nta. So your dad was trying to hid the fact he has AT LEAST 8 kids ... That's what this is a about. He got caught, he has been a dead beat dad to them and good chance if no one knows about them he probably skipped out on child support for them too

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Whenitrainsitpours86 − NTA. It's likely you just stumbled upon the real reason he didn't want you to do a DNA test

izzet-spellcat − NTA. Probably should have kept his d**k in his pants if he didn’t want to start a family tree.

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MaximumPlant − NTA. you have a right to know about your family, whether your dad wants to hide it or not. Your dad is an a**hole for trying to hide things and not being able to take responsibility for his actions.

TheOddDog5 − NTA your family has no right to say you cant. What you do is your business. Tell him to stop being a child.

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[Reddit User] − NTA he probably knew there were more possible siblings, so he didn't want his secret to be out.

[Reddit User] − Sadly, due to the way DNA works, his concerns are 100% valid. Even if he has secrets that need to come to light, YTA. My reasons are as follows: 1.) They do sell your genetic information to anyone who offers them money, in fact they advertise that they will it to those who are in the business of buying said data.

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2.) Remember how I said how DNA works? Half of that material is his material, too. While yes, it is all yours, it is his too. 3.) Assuming you went into this not knowing or suspecting other half-siblings, there is nothing wrong with protecting his privacy and the privacy of his family.

4.) This is where I don't think you did anything wrong per se, your mother does have a right to know and his children have a right to know who their father is. However, I still rate you as wrong due to you going into this without his permission to utilize what is also his genetic information.

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My personal note: My brother and mother are huge into this, and they have no problem putting in birth dates, birth places, and other information about us (the family). When I told them to stop putting my information up, and to take down what was up they told me 'no' and then did not remove it.

Short of a court order, these services will not remove the information, and depending on the state/country they are in, they will just defy a court order. I know I will get downvoted, and so be it, but consider all of this when using these DNA tests. Also, remember that they do sell this to governments, this is how the solved the Golden State K**ler case.

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While its great it was used to solve a crime, remember some countries are actively killing their Muslim citizens (closer to subjects since it is a communist country) and they use genetic information to find those who hide the information that they might be part of that community.

This DNA test saga lays bare the power and peril of uncovering family truths. The poster’s pursuit of their roots exposed a hidden legacy, challenging family bonds but affirming their right to know. As they navigate the fallout, their story underscores the need for empathy in handling sensitive discoveries.

This tale of DNA and defiance reminds us how fragile family bonds can be when secrets come to light. OP’s choice to test their DNA sparked a firestorm, but it also opened a door to truth. Families are messy, and sometimes, digging for answers is the only way to grow. What would you do if you were OP, caught between curiosity and loyalty? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a family secret that changed everything?

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