AITA for uninviting my trans friend from my wedding?

Gregory Houston Hours
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In a whirlwind of wedding planning, one bride found herself tangled in a sticky situation with her best friend. Picture this: a cozy café, the scent of fresh coffee in the air, and two friends giggling over bridal magazines—until one drops a bombshell suggestion about wearing a “slutty skirt” to the big day. The bride, caught off guard, feels her dream wedding slipping into chaos.

This Reddit saga, straight from the AITA subreddit, captures the tension between love for a friend and the need for a drama-free wedding. The bride’s friend, vibrant and newly transitioned, keeps stirring the pot with wild ideas, leaving readers wondering: where’s the line between support and self-preservation on your special day?

‘AITA for uninviting my trans friend from my wedding?’

I want to make perfectly clear here that I have nothing but respect for the bravery of trans people. The reason I mention my friend is trans is because it is relevant to the reason why I want to uninvite her. In college, I had a friend I met in a communications class.

At that time she identified as male, although I always suspected that she was going to eventually transition. We kept in touch after graduation and to the surprise of everyone who actually knew her, she transitioned in her mid-20s. I was so happy for her.

Over the past couple of years, she has been incredibly vocal about her being trans. By this I mean she will bring it up abruptly in the middle of irrelevant conversations, and ask me a whole lot of hypothetical questions about it, including but not limited to:.

Would you date me if you were a lesbian?. * Do you think I could pass as trans at a lesbian bar?. * Do you think a lot of other girls would check out my b**t if I wore these jeans? I LOVE talking about girly things with her, but she just doesn't get that there's a time and place, and these kinds of talks are forcefully shoved into every conversation we have.

When I told her I was getting married this winter, she squealed for joy because she actually predicted when my boyfriend was going to propose to me. She was my first invitation to the wedding because I wouldn't have it without her, and I want to make her my maid of honor.

But now she keeps making these wild suggestions about my wedding.. * Should I wear a slutty skirt? (WHAT??? NO!). * Should I dye my hair bright pink? (and take attention off of me?) * Can you seat me next to H? (my lesbian friend who has made very clear that she is not interested in her)

I've had it. I'm simply exhausted and the fact that half of my planning is saying 'no' to her, only to have her sulk for days after. With the current situation I'm not even sure a winter wedding is going to be possible, because we may be in this for the long haul.

I just want to tell her that she's super important to me and my best friend, but I can't take it anymore. Every time I try to tell her to cool it, it doesn't even last for 10 minutes. I don't want her to embarrass me in front of my family, but that sounds horrible and transphobic. Now she's mad that I told her I really don't want her to come and destroy my wedding.

Weddings are like tightrope walks—beautiful but precarious. This bride’s clash with her friend highlights a classic dilemma: balancing personal boundaries with loyalty. Let’s unpack this with a dash of humor and some expert insight.

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The bride’s friend, fresh in her transition, is bursting with enthusiasm, but her ideas—like neon hair or flirty seating charts—scream “look at me!” This behavior, while not malicious, risks overshadowing the bride. Dr. Susan Whitbourne, a psychology professor, notes in Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com), “Weddings amplify emotions, often leading to boundary-testing behaviors.” Here, the friend’s “second adolescence” post-transition, as one Redditor put it, explains her exuberance but doesn’t excuse derailing the bride’s vision.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating friendships during life transitions. A 2022 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 60% of friendships face strain during major events like weddings due to mismatched expectations. The friend’s focus on her identity, while valid, clashes with the bride’s need for harmony.

For solutions, clear communication is key. The bride could set firm boundaries, like a dress code or behavior expectations, with kindness. Dr. Whitbourne suggests, “Direct but empathetic conversations can reset dynamics without burning bridges.” If the friend can’t respect these, the bride’s justified in prioritizing her peace.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s weighing in, and it’s a lively mix of support and sass! Here’s what the community had to say about this wedding showdown—candid, spicy, and oh-so-relatable.

whathappenedwas − NTA for not wanting her to go. But as far as I can tell the fact that she's trans seems super irrelevant here. If a cis girl did these things she'd also be disqualified from an invite.

aevigata − NTA I am a trans man, here to say that you’re not “transphobic” for not wanting to invite an abrasive personality to YOUR special day. If a cis woman was behaving the way you described, nobody would want her at their wedding.

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That’s not transphobic; that’s making a judgement call on keeping peace at your wedding. I personally wouldn’t want anybody at my wedding who has potential to cause a scene. Your wedding is about you. For all the world cares, you could choose to only invite your immediate family. Or nobody at all! It’s YOUR day. Have a polite but stern conversation with her, just like you described.

Tell her that you love her to death, but she needs to understand that this is not her wedding, it’s yours. There are a plethora of other people who are going to be there that are just as much of a guest as she is. Unless there’s a very stark change in behavior after that conversation, you have every right to not include her in your guest list.

wobblebase − NTA. But try having the 'I can't deal with this behavior' talk **before** uninviting her, as a final strike before she's out of the wedding.

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NeglectedMonkey − I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I do want you to hear me out. I’m also trans (mtf). I came out to my family in October of 2018 after a few months of being in hormones. Folks had noticed that something about me was changing but they couldn’t put their finger on it.

My family, being a bunch of transphobic jerks, decided to disown me and immediately uninvited me to my sister’s wedding which was in January of 2019. They didn’t even try to hide it. They were ashamed of me. Even my dad mentioned he would die if I arrived with a man (at the time, I was still married to my wife).

Now, I’m not a flashy trans person. I don’t wear exotic dresses, my hair is my natural color and I don’t do extravagant things. Fast forward to February of 2020. My cousin is getting married, and unlike my immediate family—they do invite me to the wedding. I am crazy excited to come.

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Of course I make no special demands. The only thing I told my cousin was: thank you for inviting me—just wanted to make it clear that as a woman, I will be arriving at your wedding in a dress. She said “of course”! The day of her wedding would also be the first day many people in my extended family would see me presenting as a woman for the first time.

Everything went perfectly. But at the end of the evening my cousin and her parents admitted to me that they were terrified I’d arrive looking like a drag queen, with heavy makeup and a cheap wig, and steal all the attention from the bride. This was a understandable as they had not seen me before and they don’t have much interaction with trans people, but also a bit hurtful.

If they had been a little more worried, they might have just uninvited me altogether.. for reference, this is me at the wedding. Take home message: you are in control of who comes and doesn’t to your wedding. It’s your wedding after all.

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Make sure that if you don’t invite her is because she will be obnoxious. Can you not talk to her to make sure she tones it down? Can you ask her to keep her politics home for one day? Ask your heart whether deep down you are uninviting her because you would uninvite any friend who acts like this, or if maybe you do harbor some transphobic feelings of being ashamed of her.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It doesn't seem to me like the fact that she is trans *really* has anything to do with why you're uninviting her. It sounds like you're uninviting her because she is an exhausting, overbearing, and attention-hogging person who doesn't know how to manke things Not About Her for more than 5 seconds.

You need to emphasize that when you do officially uninvite her. You need to cite the fact that she does things that are inappropriate - like begging to be seated next to her crush who she KNOWS is not interested in her, or saying things like she's going to wear her 'slutty skirt' or deliberately up heave your wedding party's image by dying her hair bright pink when you (presumably) have given the guests,

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and wedding party a general dress code. You need to lay out those specific, detailed reasons, and leave her trans-ness out of it. If *she* wants to try and make it about her status as a trans person, that's on her, but you need to redirect and tell her it has nothing to do with that, but rather than her behavior and attitude towards your wedding is unacceptable.

MaryMaryConsigliere − OP, I completely understand why you're pulling your hair out over your friend's behavior, and I'm not going to give you a judgement here, but I really urge you to have some serious conversations with your friend before uninviting her from your wedding. Especially since this seems like someone you really care about.

A lot of comments here are saying it's not even a relevant detail that your friend is trans, and that *anyone* in your life acting this badly should get uninvited. I completely disagree; I believe her ongoing transition is crucial context here.

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Every time I've ever seen a trans person go through their transition, *every time*, there's a spurt of odd behavior that almost seems like a second adolescence. There's something about getting to live as your true gender that brings out odd behavior.

The (awkward, difficult, but ultimately beneficial) personal growth and self-discovery that a cis person experiences as a pre-teen and then teen is basically crammed into this accelerated period post-transition. So you see things like hyper sexuality, fixation on secondary expressions of gender, spurts of oddly childish or manic behavior, and really odd clothing choices.

Like an AMAB woman suddenly wearing short, tight, sparkly club dresses in inappropriate contexts, like a nice dinner party, things like that. I would strongly, strongly urge you to be patient with your friend through this time as she figures out who she is, and how her femininity fits into society.

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Give her the gift of constant direct but kind feedback on her behavior and how it may be perceived by others. This is totally new territory for her, and she's basically an adolescent girl in the body of an adult for the time being. Cutting her out of your life because of her bizarre and obnoxious behavior isn't the right move here, IMHO.

Give her some grace (paired with direct conversations and whatever firm boundaries you need), and give her the chance to grow into her new understanding of herself and how she fits into the world around her. Uninviting her to your wedding is likely to permanently damage your friendship.

static-patrick − NTA. Trans or not, anyone who is obnoxiously open about their sexuality is a drag to be around

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imran7820 − NTA. I get the feeling your friend will spend your wedding day making the thing about her. Friends are meant to be supportive but it appears your gonna spend it putting out the fires that she's intent on starting. Personally I'd give one final ultimatum and if the behaviour doesn't change then remove her from your plans.

rhnx − NTA but maybe you should have a serious talk with her? If she still doesn't understand it.. uff.

NoFlexZoneNYC − NTA. Trans people don't get an a**hole pass just because they are trans

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These hot takes spark a question: do they nail the real issue, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

This wedding tale leaves us torn—support your friend or save your sanity? The bride’s stuck at a crossroads, juggling love and limits. It’s a reminder that even the best friendships need boundaries, especially when tulle and tantrums collide. What would you do if your friend’s antics threatened your big day? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this convo going!

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