AITA for ungrounding my daughter after my husband grounded her because his reason for grounding her was stupid?

Gregory Houston Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, where the glow of a teenager’s hard-earned success lights up the family’s life, a storm brews over a seemingly simple curfew. A 15-year-old girl, the family’s financial backbone through her acting and modeling gigs, finds herself grounded by her father for a late-night outing. Her mother, caught between gratitude for her daughter’s sacrifices and frustration with her husband’s strict rules, steps in to lift the punishment. The decision sparks heated texts and a moral tug-of-war. Is she undermining her husband or championing her daughter’s autonomy?

This tale of family dynamics, financial dependency, and teenage rebellion unfolds with raw emotion. Readers can’t help but wonder: should a teen who pays the bills be treated like a child, or does parenting demand boundaries no matter the circumstances?

‘AITA for ungrounding my daughter after my husband grounded her because his reason for grounding her was stupid?’

My husband in 2019 lost his job of 10 years and had to take up very low paying ones.. My daughter (15) has been doing commercials, modeling, and acting jobs since she was 6. Since 2020, my husband’s income has been cut even more. I don’t work and have never worked.

As such, most of the money we use has come from my daughter, who says she wants to use her nest egg to help us out with stuff like rent for the house we live in right now, utilities, and bought me a really nice tote for my birthday. My daughter has worked non stop for nearly ten years and now she wants to have some fun with her friends.

However, my husband decides to get strict and tell her that her curfew is 11pm. She decides on Monday to go out with friends from the neighborhood. My husband texts her at 11:05 and says if she’s not home in 15 minutes they were going to have a problem because she didn’t call ahead.

She sends back“ I’ll be home when the Uber I decide to call pulls up to the damm driveway. Don’t forget to turn off the lights I pay for.“ She gets home at 12:30 and my husband is mad at her snark and her rule breaking and grounds her for three days.

Tuesday morning he goes away to see his mom with cancer. He calls later saying that he’s going to be gone for a couple of days because she’s in bad shape. Tuesday afternoon, I tell my daughter that I’m ungrounding her and that her dad was wrong to ground her. And that we cannot begin to repay her for her support..

I feel like my husband’s curfew is stupid because she’s homeschooled and doesn’t need to wake up early. Second, my husband tries to treat her like a child, yet apparently thinks she’s adult enough to pay nearly all our bills. I think it’s hypocritical and that the “my house my rules” is being abused because our daughter is the one paying for most of our expenses from her own money.

AITA? I feel like my husband is robbing our daughter of her agency and this is a s**tty way of repaying her for her supporting us until he finds better work. My husband found out she was at a house party through Instagram and is texting me angry messages but I texted back that he had no right to ground her in the first place.

Parenting a teenager who’s also the family breadwinner is like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle. The Reddit user’s decision to unground her daughter reveals a clash of values: fairness versus authority. The mother sees her husband’s curfew as hypocritical, given their daughter’s financial contributions, while he aims to maintain control. Both have valid points, but the lack of a united front risks confusing the teen.

This situation reflects broader issues of financial dependency within families. According to a 2019 study by the Pew Research Center, 14% of U.S. households rely on income from young adults, often creating power imbalances (pewresearch.org). The mother’s instinct to grant her daughter agency clashes with the father’s need to enforce boundaries, a common tension when roles blur.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Effective parenting requires consistency and mutual support between partners, even when disagreements arise” (gottman.com). Here, the mother’s unilateral decision undermines this principle, potentially fueling resentment. However, her husband’s rigid stance ignores the daughter’s unique role, which could breed defiance.

To navigate this, the parents should openly discuss boundaries, acknowledging their daughter’s contributions while reinforcing age-appropriate rules. Setting a later curfew with clear communication, like calling ahead, could balance respect for her maturity with safety concerns. Both parents must prioritize teamwork to guide their daughter without exploiting her earnings.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of fiery takes and blunt advice. Here’s what the community had to say:

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Tamika_Olivia − ESH. Jesus christ, get a job. No 15 year old child should be the primary breadwinner in a house with two adults.

FactBearsEatBeetss − YTA. A 15 year old should have some sort of discipline. 11 pm is a reasonable curfew and your daughter was incredibly disrespectful to her dad. By ungrounding her, you not only endorsed her bad behavior but further rebuked any authority your husband may have had. You are not acting as a partner or a parent. Also, maybe both you and your husband should focus on working instead of mooching off your child.

superfastmomma − ESH. You need to parent. Not one cent of your child's money should be spent on you.. But I suspect you are a troll so whatever.

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pineboxwaiting − YTA Sabotaging the other parent is never a good move. That your daughter pays the bills doesn't make her an adult. She's still a teenager who needs to have rules, boundaries, guidance, and a united front from her parents. Your daughter needs to be parented - and that means setting limits whether she's supporting you or not.

Too, curfews are about getting kids home before they can do a bunch of stuff they shouldn't be doing - not so much about waking up in the morning. As an aside, have you thought of getting a job so that the money your daughter earns can actually be her nest egg?

[Reddit User] − YTA an 11 pm curfew isn't strict for a 15 yo. The way she behaved screams beat.. Second, my husband tries to treat her like a child. Well she's 15 with rules to follow that aren't unreasonable.. our daughter is the one paying for most of our expenses from her own money.

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AITA? I feel like my husband is robbing our daughter of her agency and this is a s**tty way of repaying her for her supporting us until he finds better work. If you don't want your daughter's money to go towards rent and bills, how about you find a job.

Your husband isn't the only adult living in that household. You should work and earn money for bills and rent and you should also keep your daughter grounded. You should also have your daughter follow her parent's rules.

pint138 − YTA simply because parents should present a united front as often as they can. Also, is there a reason you don't work? Cause honestly your daughter's money would be better used for her to save for college or something to that effect and it sounds like your husband is doing his best.

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Also depending on where you live the curfew could be a safety thing; my parents live in a tourist town where human trafficking is a big deal, my sisters are 28 and 21 and both have a curfew because of most victims are female and get abducted between midnight and 1am

[Reddit User] − first off you should be a parent and get a job. stop using HER money. i’m surprised they even let you get away with that. when i was in the acting agency they went over this one contract that said my parents would put away all of my earned money away where they couldn’t touch it..

and second, she’s a f**king child still. have you not been paying attention to all the s** trafficking s**t going around? get your head out of your ass. your husband was right to ground her, she sounds like a little a**hole (that she directly gets from you) and it was only 3 days??. be a parent and get a job and stop relying on your kid. YTA.

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kittypuppyfishes − What the f**k. Your daughter is 15 and paying her *parents* bills? I will not label her an AH. You are your husband are HUGE AH's. What the hell. ESH. What the heck is going on in this household. Someone please get a job and stop taking money from this literal child. What the heck did I just read.

Your daughter was disrespectful and that is grounds for grounding. But im sure as 'happy go lucky' she's pretending to be to pick up both yalls slack is not good for her and probably building reasonable resentment. Also maybe I'm just a prude but what the heck is a 15 year old doing out past 11pm?? Is nobone else concerned about this?? This whole post is so weird. What a train wreck.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − YTA. You're undermining your husband's authority and giving your daughter the false impression that it's OK to disrespect her father. What kind of a co-parent are you? If you think curfews are stupid (they aren't), then you should work that out with your husband before he imposes one.

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Once a parent laws down the law, a proper partner will back them up 100%. By the way, I don't know where you live, but in my state, it's literally illegal for a minor to be out by themselves after 11 pm. Also, I don't know where you get the impression that your husband's authority as a father stems from his income.

How did your daughter get all those jobs without your husband's support, anyway? There's far more to relationships than money, but you honestly come off as a gold digger who is now salty that the money fountain is no longer flowing as strongly. I feel bad for your daughter because you're infecting her with a serious case of affluenza.

Having money doesn't give you the right to do whatever the hell you want or to ignore authority figures who aren't as wealthy as you are. Finally, what is your kid doing at a house party in the middle of a pandemic? YTA on multiple levels, for sure.

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Crycoria − YTA. Why on earth have you not at least TRIED to find yourself a job?! I feel bad for your husband who is trying to teach your daughter responsibility for someone her age, and you downtrodded that. That's not how a relationship should work. And your daughter should NOT be paying YOUR BILLS at FIFTEEN.

It sounds like YOU need some experience in responsibility and consequences. PLEASE get yourself some sort of job, (NO EXCUSES) and help your husband pay the bills. He deserves to have some of the stress taken off his shoulders by you. After all, isn't that what you promised to do when you married him? To love and support, in sickness and health, for BETTER OR WORSE?!

Now get your act together and SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY as a PARENT and SPOUSE. Also, since your daughter has been paying the bills for who knows how long, you should figure out how much she has currently paid and find a way to begin paying her back that money that she has spent on something that isn't her responsibility.

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These opinions are spicy, but do they cut through the complexity of a teen paying the bills? Reddit’s chorus leans hard on parental responsibility, but the nuances of this family’s dynamic deserve a closer look.

This story leaves us pondering the delicate balance of parenting a teen who’s more provider than child. The mother’s defiance of her husband’s rules sparks a debate about fairness, authority, and gratitude. Should a teen’s financial contributions grant them more freedom, or do parents have a duty to enforce boundaries regardless? The Reddit user’s choice to unground her daughter feels like a stand for justice, but it risks fracturing family unity. What would you do if you were in this mother’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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