AITA for trying to help my daughter make healthier choices?

The kitchen buzzed with the aroma of roasted vegetables, a stark contrast to the usual scent of packaged snacks. For one mom, this shift to wholesome meals was her quiet attempt to support her freshman daughter, Paige, who was grappling with a tough time at school. But when a simple request for Oreos sparked a fiery reaction, the mom’s good intentions unraveled, leaving her wondering if she’d misstepped.

Paige, a vibrant, athletic teen, was facing bullies who targeted her weight, a secret uncovered not by her mom but by her sister Eliza. Instead of confronting the issue head-on, the mom opted for subtle changes at home, hoping to boost Paige’s confidence. Yet, her approach backfired, stirring tension and hurt. Was she wrong to handle it this way, or was she just a parent trying to navigate a delicate situation?

‘AITA for trying to help my daughter make healthier choices?’

I am a mom of two beautiful children. My youngest, Paige, just entered her freshman year. She is normally a very happy girl but lately Paige has dreaded going to school and has even begged me not to go. No matter how many times I asked, she would not tell me why she hated school. I asked Eliza, who is a sophomore, to find out why Paige does not want to go to school.

She did, and it turns out that Paige has been getting bullied at school and her peers have called her fat. Now, Paige is not a fat girl. She is very athletic and plays tons of sports. But she is a bit on the chubbier side. Since Paige wouldn’t come to me about the issue, I figured I should not say anything to her about it.

But I did decide that I could still be helpful by making healthier meals at home. I stopped picking up unhealthy, processed foods at the grocery store and instead stocked up on vegetables and whole foods. Now here’s where I may be the AH: Paige asked me to pick up Oreos on my next trip to the store and I finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me.

Paige stormed upstairs and slammed her door. Even Eliza was upset with me. It may have come out the wrong way, but I really didn’t mean anything wrong by that. I just meant I am her mom and she can always come to me. AITA?

Navigating a child’s bullying is like walking a tightrope—every step must be deliberate. This mom’s instinct to protect Paige is understandable, but her approach stirred unintended pain. By altering the family’s diet without discussion, she inadvertently signaled agreement with the bullies’ cruel words, as noted by Dr. Linda Bacon, a body image expert. Bacon emphasizes, “Weight-based interventions without addressing emotional needs can reinforce stigma and harm self-esteem.”

The mom’s comment about “turning to food” likely deepened Paige’s shame, especially since Paige is an active athlete. Bullying, not weight, is the core issue here. A 2023 study from the National Institute of Health found that 1 in 5 teens face bullying, with weight-related harassment linked to higher risks of anxiety and eating disorders. Addressing the school’s role—through counselors or anti-bullying programs—would tackle the root cause more effectively than dietary changes.

Dr. Bacon suggests open dialogue: “Parents should validate feelings and collaborate on solutions, like reporting bullying or seeking therapy.” This mom could apologize to Paige, affirming her worth beyond appearance, and work with the school to ensure safety. By focusing on empowerment rather than food, she can rebuild trust.

For parents in similar spots, start with empathy. Ask how your child feels and involve them in decisions. Resources like StopBullying.gov offer practical steps. This story reminds us that good intentions need clear communication to truly help.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, brimming with passion and a dash of sass:

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your-yogurt − YTA. you basically went, 'if you wouldnt get bullied if you werent fat'. which means. a) you agree with her bullies. b)you think she's fat. c) you think fat people deserve to be bullied. d) thus your daughter deserves to be bullied.

e) this is her fault. f) if she doesnt lose weight she should expect further bullying. g) her own parents would rather force her on a g**damn diet than go to the principal/the bullies parents. h) you need to punish her for not talking to you by taking away her snacks. i seriously can go through the whole damn alphabet, but you see my f**king point, op?

edit: op's justification for doing this is not to break the 'secret' of the other kid. Jfc, are you unable to put two and two together op?? You already said your daughter keeps refusing to go to school, even *I* figured out from that single sentence she was getting bullied. you didnt need to 'break trust' with anyone, just have some common sense! but no!

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you decided this needed a 'delicate hand' as if *dieting* was a better approach to this than *talking to the school*. Lastly, dieting takes MONTHS or even YEARS to see results, so are you just gonna keep this stupid secret for god knows how long?? Get off your ass, go to the school, talk to a professional, and help your daughter!

edit 2: since most of y'all dont understand what 'fatphobia' really means. it is NOT saying 'obesity is okay' or that we shouldnt tackle the obesity rates. its stuff like,. parents starving their kids to prevent them from getting fat. doctors who will treat skinny patients differently than a fat person,

refusing to give any other diagnosis to their problems other than 'lose weight and itll go away'.  pregnant women who are shamed for gaining weight or not losing quick enough after birth. restaurant staff who will purposely mess with a patron's food order.

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This is what fatphobia is. Even tho the daughter is an active athlete and a growing teenager, cause she 'is a bit on the chubbier side' op put her on a diet before even consulting a dietician/nutritionist/the daughter's doctor. *S**t like that kills*

UsuallyWrite2 − So let me get this straight. You find out your daughter is being bullied at school due to her size and instead of talking to her about it, you just changed available foods and are withholding snacks? YTA for how you approached it (with the Oreos) and for not sitting down with your kid and talking the minute you found out what was going on.

thisistemporary1213 − Yta. Now here’s where I may be the AH: Paige asked me to pick up Oreos on my next trip to the store and I finally broke and told her that instead of turning to food, she could talk to me.. Why would you say that? She wanted a snack. She wasn't 'turning to food'.. You've probably just made her feel even more fat.

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secretkiwi_ − YTA. You could have approached this in a much more sensitive and thoughtful way - but instead you shamed her. Paige plays a tonne of sports, right? Which would make her pretty fit and athletic, despite her build. How many sports do you play? Are you athletic? Or are you sitting on your b**t chastising her about oreos?. Poor Paige. Bullied at school and bullied by her mom.

StellarManatee − YTA. You say you have no concerns because Paige is athletic and plays 'tons of sports'. Then you decide to cut out household junk and start eating healthier as a family. This is great. All positive stuff. But then Paige makes a (perfectly normal) request and you accuse her of 'turning to food'.

Turning to food because she had a bit of a sugar craving for an Oreo. Was she going to binge eat an entire pack? Do you feel she emotionally eats? Do you feel this is a problem she has? Because you started out your post by saying that she was into sports and there were no worries there. So what put the emotional eating idea in your head?

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Mostly though YTA for not talking to Paige about ANY OF THIS. She could be struggling with a subject, a teacher, a crush. Her SISTER said it was bullying about her weight. Yet apart from your disparaging remark about 'turning to food', you haven't spoken to Paige at all.

RanniSimp − YTA. Did you at least stretch before making that reach?

limblessbarbie − YTA because you're not honest with your daughter and didn't even address the bullying she's receiving at school. Do better, mom.

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Angel_of_Death_179 − YTA You are just reinforcing the bullying she gets at school, no wonder she doesn't want to talk about it with you.

Icy_Session3326 − Wait … so instead of going to the school and addressing what the actual problem is .. yano the fact that your child is being bullied .. you instead decided to try and make her lose weight and then as if that’s not a s**t enough reaction to what you found out , you then go and say that to her ?

Go and apologise to your daughter and let her know that you will support her in getting the bullying dealt with cos right YTA and you need to fix this and fast before your daughter ends up with an ED because her own mother just backed up what they bullies were saying to her

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Savings-Breakfast-49 − YTA. She’ll end up w an ED

These Redditors tore into the mom’s approach, arguing she shamed Paige instead of tackling the bullies. Some saw her diet shift as fatphobic; others urged her to apologize and focus on the real issue. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

This mom’s heart was in the right place, but her misstep shows how tricky parenting can be when bullying and body image collide. By opening up to Paige and addressing the school’s role, she can turn this moment into a chance to strengthen their bond. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep the conversation going!

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