AITA for throwing my siblings in foster care so I can have a better life?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cramped, chaotic house filled with the noise of eight kids, a 19-year-old woman stood at a crossroads that would define her future. The air was thick with tension as social workers buzzed around, arranging care for her younger siblings. With her parents facing a long absence, she faced an impossible choice: stay and shoulder the burden of raising a small army of kids or seize a rare chance to escape with her 6-year-old sister. The weight of guilt and hope collided, pulling her heart in two directions.

This story, shared on Reddit, captures a raw moment of sacrifice and survival. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of her dilemma—loyalty to family versus a shot at a better life. It’s a tale that sparks empathy and debate, inviting us to question where duty ends and self-preservation begins.

‘AITA for throwing my siblings in foster care so I can have a better life?’

I have roughly too many siblings, and even more step siblings. Between my parents and my latest stepfather, we had 8 kids living here. Myself (19F), 3 half siblings on my mom's side (15, 11, and 9), 4 stepsiblings (14, 12, 9, and 6), and 1 full sister (6f). Things have never been particularly good or stable, but now we're at rock bottom.

My mother and stepfather are going to be going away for a long time, and everyone is in a rush to get all these kids into homes. I'm the only one who's over 18, so everyone wants me to do it. I don't want to. I'd gotten an opportunity. My grandma on my father's side offered to have 6f and I move in with her, and even pay for me to go to college.

The thing is, she lives several states away. I talked to social services about this, and got the answer that I could move 6f without a problem because our parents were able to voluntarily gave me guardianship of her and I'm her full sister. The rest I could only take in if I stayed in this state because they would be a full foster care placement though.

I'm sorry, but being forced to stay here would destroy my future. I could definitely survive, but I would be stuck in this horrible place working paycheck to paycheck. I could never have a real life. I made the obvious choice. The social workers were nice enough to arrange it to where 6f and I weren't just standing in front of them during the pickup, but obviously they know exactly why they're now in care.

The four of them that have phones have been texting and calling me non-stop. Some of them for help, and some to just scream at me for abandoning them. I known the system is going to be really bad for them because of where they are and they're ages, but I just can't do it. I can't blow this, this is mine and 6f's first chance for a real life,

and I feel like I owe it to both of us to take it. Am I in the wrong here? The kids and my mom think I am, my grandma thinks I should have 'done something' but can't say what and wouldn't let them in her house even if it could happen. The only person who doesn't think worse of me is 6f, who says she 'likes the quiet', but obviously doesn't know the full story.

This gut-wrenching decision highlights the brutal reality of family responsibility thrust upon young shoulders. The original poster (OP) faces a moral tug-of-war: save herself and her sister or stay tethered to a sinking ship. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, notes in his work on family dynamics, “When children are forced into parental roles, it can stunt their emotional and personal growth” . OP’s choice to prioritize her future reflects a need to break free from this cycle.

The conflict pits OP’s dreams against her siblings’ needs. Her parents’ absence—likely due to incarceration—left her with no real support. Staying would mean sacrificing college and stability, trapping her in a cycle of poverty. Meanwhile, her siblings’ anger is understandable but misplaced; their parents’ failures created this mess, not OP’s choice.

This situation mirrors broader issues of overburdened youth in dysfunctional families. A 2023 study from the Child Welfare League of America shows that 20% of foster youth age out without adequate support, facing homelessness or instability . OP’s decision, while painful, aligns with self-preservation, a choice many young adults in similar situations face.

ADVERTISEMENT

For OP, moving forward means setting boundaries while staying open to reconnecting later. Therapy or family mediation, as Gottman suggests, could help heal the rift with her siblings. For now, she’s taking a brave step toward stability, modeling resilience for her younger sister.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and raw emotion for this young woman’s choice. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, served with a side of empathy and a pinch of shade:

ILikeSealsALot − NTA. Your siblings should be mad at your parents - not you. They were the ones putting everyone in this position. You are 19! In no way can or should you be a parent to that many kids!. Don't fault yourself. You were put in this situation too, not just them. Good luck to all of you.

ADVERTISEMENT

NotSoSaintly13 − NTA - this is a horrific situation that your family has put you in. You didn't throw the kids into foster care, your parents actions did, and it's awful that your other family members are trying to pressure you into caring for all these siblings.

Like excuse them, they give you an awful childhood and then they do something that sounds like it ended them up in prison, and now they're mad at you for not caring for their children? F**k that.

aabbccbb − Look, you didn't abandon your step-siblings.. Your mom and her partners did through their choices. The simple fact is that they're not your kids. You're barely an adult, and you got the opportunity for a better life for you and your sister and you took it.

ADVERTISEMENT

It sucks that the other kids don't also have that type of support available from their grand-parents, but that's not on you.. There is no way in hell you should be responsible for 8 minors at the age of 19.. NTA.

murphy2345678 − NTA You are only 19 yrs old and can’t raise 8 kids on your own. You made the right decision. The only people who should feel bad are their parents.

anthony___fell − NTA. I understand why your other siblings are upset but... you're 19. There's no way in hell you were going to be able to take care of 8 kids on your own. It just isn't possible. It's a s**tty situation but this is entirely on your parents, not you. Please don't blame yourself. You deserve the opportunity to have an actual life for yourself, and to create a good one for your younger sister.

ADVERTISEMENT

ginger3392 − NTA. This isn't your responsibility, you're a child in this situation, a fellow sibling, not a parent. You have every right to make the best decision for your life. You're barely an adult, I couldn't imagine at that age taking over care of 8 children, that's an impossible expectation to put on someone at your age.

I'm in my 30s and I couldn't fathom taking all that on now. I honestly would question the states decision to even allow you to take guardianship of that many children, because that's way too much responsibility for someone your age. It's honestly way to much responsibility for anyone IMO.

Accomplished_Set4862 − NTA Your mother seems to have had an .... interesting romantic life, if you and 6F are bookending multiple half siblings. That tells me most of what I need to know about who is in the right here

ADVERTISEMENT

desirerich − NTA and wtf is wrong with your grandma? If she wasn't willing to take them in, then she has no right letting you feel guilty for not doing the exact same thing.

Experience-Cool − Info: Your parents were going away for a long time? Are we talking holiday or prison? Not that either makes a difference for you, you’re NTA… I’m just trying to work out how big of assholes your parents are

[Reddit User] − NTA. I’m so sorry you are dealing with something this heavy at such a young age. Your parents created this mess and you can’t live your life trying to fix it for everyone, especially at 19. I wish you the best of luck going forward. Keep your chin up, you’ve done nothing wrong.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors rallied behind OP, calling out her parents’ negligence while sympathizing with her guilt. Some praised her for saving her sister, others questioned her grandmother’s vague judgment. But do these fiery takes capture the full complexity, or are they just adding fuel to an already messy fire?

This heart-wrenching saga lays bare the impossible choices young adults face when family duty clashes with personal dreams. The OP’s decision to prioritize her and her sister’s future over raising a houseful of siblings sparks both sympathy and debate. It’s a reminder that sometimes, saving yourself is the hardest but most necessary step. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *