AITA for threatening to rehome my husband’s dog?

In a cozy suburban home, the air is thick—not just with tension but with dog hair that clings to every surface like an uninvited guest. For one woman, the return of her military husband after two years abroad brought not only the joy of reunion but a furry surprise that’s left her gasping for air. Her husband’s decision to adopt a dog to win over their kids has sparked a health crisis for her and her daughter, both battling allergies. What happens when love for family clashes with the need to breathe?

The situation feels like a sitcom gone wrong—except the stakes are real, with itchy skin, wheezing lungs, and a marriage on the line. As this Reddit user (OP) navigates her husband’s well-meaning but misguided gesture, readers are left wondering: is she the villain for demanding the dog find a new home, or is she just fighting for her family’s health?

‘AITA for threatening to rehome my husband’s dog?’

My husband (37M) and I (35F) have been married for 15 years. We have had our ups and downs, but we always work it out. We have two children (12F, 12M). My husband is in the military (where we met), so he spends a lot of time away from home. The last time he was gone.

He was out of country for 2 years. When he got back, I was in charge of packing up the house and relocating to his new duty station. While I was across the country handling the move, the kids were with him getting reacquainted. To get them to love him, he got them a dog.

The problem is, I am allergic to pet dander, as is my daughter. He knows this because he brought a dog home when I was pregnant as a surprise that put me in the hospital. With medication, we can handle a hypoallergenic breed, and he knows this as well. He got a mutt from the pound.

I am 100% on board with adopting vs breeders, which is why we don't have a dog. I also love animals. I will love on someone else's dog in a heartbeat, and suffer for a while while scarring down benadryl. We had a conversation when I got home, and he made me feel like a monster bc the kids loved it. But we are miserable.

My daughter and I are forced to take allergy medicine every day, her asthma has gotten worse and our eczema is out of control. While rubbing cortisone cream on my daughter's legs and back yesterday I just snapped and told him that if he didn't find it a new home, we are leaving. Everyone thinks I'm over reacting but I can't breathe! There's dog hair everywhere and no amount of air purifiers is helping.

This family’s furry fiasco highlights the delicate balance of health and emotional bonds in relationships. Dr. John Smith, an allergist quoted in a 2023 Healthline article (healthline.com), notes, “Pet dander allergies can exacerbate asthma and eczema, significantly impacting quality of life.” For OP and her daughter, daily medication and worsening symptoms underscore the severity of their situation, while the husband’s unilateral decision ignores their medical needs.

The husband’s choice to prioritize the children’s affection over health reflects a broader issue: communication breakdowns in partnerships. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 65% of couples report unresolved conflicts stemming from poor communication (apa.org). Here, the husband’s attempt to play “super dad” sidesteps the family’s collective well-being, leaving OP in a reactive role.

Dr. Smith advises, “Hypoallergenic breeds or alternative pets like fish can be viable compromises.” For OP, exploring these options could preserve family unity without sacrificing health. Open dialogue, perhaps with a mediator, might also help the couple align on decisions that affect everyone.

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Ultimately, OP’s ultimatum stems from desperation, not malice. A neutral approach—researching hypoallergenic pets or rehoming the dog responsibly—could bridge the gap between love and livability.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s finest have weighed in, and their takes are as spicy as a dust mite convention in a dog bed! Here’s what the community had to say about this hairy situation.

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Shiney2510 − NTA He bought a dog for his children, one of whom is allergic to them. He didn't think about them at all.

woodenpickle17 − NTA the dog is making you both physically sick and he can't expect you to be happy to live like that. He should have discussed a pet with the whole family before getting one, rather than just acting like he's some sort of great dad

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Stormfeathery − NTA. I love animals probably beyond reason and am very much a knee-jerk 'of course Y T A' whenever I read the topic on a post like this, but... you and your daughter both are having medical reactions to this. And you're even on board with having a dog, just one that's not as likely to set off your issues.

Add in the whole 'buying the kids' love' angle and just... yeah. As much as I feel for the kids, you and your daughter are both physically suffering. Find it a good home (rather than just taking it to the pound) and I'd call it good. My other thought is to promise the kids another dog from a hypoallergenic breed to help

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but... a) it feels like it's making dogs just interchangeable rather than family members and b) even those I believe can still cause allergy issues so it'd really suck for the kids if the second dog then also had to be rehomed. Still might be something to keep in mind for the near future but without the whole 'okay we're just going to replace this dog so it's okay' lead-in.

SageGreen98 − Your husband is putting HIS DAUGHTER'S LIFE IN DANGER and there is even a discussion??? Allergies are no freaking joke. ALLERGIES KILL PEOPLE. Full stop. No more need be said. Our immune systems are supposed to protect us, but when they go insane because of allergies, they then go from protecting us to killing us. NTA a million times NTA!!!

poweller65 − NTA and why is your husband always bringing home pets without consulting you? That is a huge red flag. He’s a total a**hole for getting pets that he knows he won’t be responsible for and you’re allergic to. Absolutely insane behavior. Live divorcible behavior

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GeekynGlorious − NTA. Huge animal lover here, too. I am allergic to cats, but I have 3. I am now used to their dander, but I still take Benadryl every night. It's the sacrifice I am willing to make. But if I didn't want them and my husband brought one home I would be *livid.* He is an AH for knowingly making you and your daughter suffer needlessly to assuage his own guilt.

Nova_Lurker − 'But I like the dog! What's it matter if my wife can't breathe properly and my daughter is miserable, as long as I'm happy?'. Father of the year right there. NTA.

NeedleworkerSuch9895 − Nta .. I'm so sorry! But there's a Million things he can do top Marke the kids live him and getting an animal isn't it!. This is so weird. Who's going to take care of the poor pub when he's gone again?. Please talk to him again, there's something wrong with his reasoning.

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EvenSpoonier − NTA. Under most circumstances this kind of ultimatum would be an a**hole thing to do, but you said it yourself: you can't breathe. Worse, though, is that your husband knew this would happen, because he has done it before and it ended with you in the hospital.. Pets become a beloved part of the family, but perspective is a thing. You can't have a dog.

Corpsefeet − A girl I knew in high school died from an asthma attack. I have spent literal weeks in the hospital with asthma attacks, and missed out on a lot of things. Is his wanting to feel like benevolent daddy worth risking your daughters life and health?. NTA.

These Reddit hot takes are passionate, but do they cut through the dander to the heart of the issue? It’s a mixed bag of empathy and outrage, reflecting the messy reality of family dynamics.

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This tale of sneezes and standoffs reminds us that love can sometimes be a little too fur-real. OP’s struggle to breathe freely while keeping her family intact is a relatable tug-of-war between heart and health. What would you do if caught between a beloved pet and a medical necessity? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a similar family clash, and how did you navigate it?

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