AITA for threatening to leave my daughter’s wedding because of her rules?

Sunlight spilled through the chapel windows in Utah, where a bride’s dream day teetered on the edge of chaos. The air buzzed with anticipation, but beneath the floral arrangements and pressed suits, a family feud was brewing. The bride, a 26-year-old dentist fresh from Boston, set a firm rule: no kids under 4 at her wedding. It seemed reasonable—until her sister’s in-laws rolled up with a gaggle of toddlers, sparking a showdown that left her father threatening to walk out. Was he wrong to challenge her on her big day?

The tension wasn’t just about crying kids; it was a clash of family loyalties, old traditions, and new boundaries. The bride’s return to Utah’s tight-knit community, where big families are the norm, stirred unease. Readers can’t help but wonder: how do you balance respect for a bride’s vision with family pressures that threaten to unravel it all?

‘AITA for threatening to leave my daughter’s wedding because of her rules?’

My (48M) daughter's (26F) wedding was yesterday. She moved back to our home state of Utah with her fiance after living in Boston for college and dental school. She does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28M) company transferred him here.

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She knows that in our area, families run large. She is one of three kids only because my wife (47F) became sick after our youngest but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. When she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters.

For couples with small kids on her list she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding. That caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. My daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more.

My daughter's younger sister ' Ashley' (24F) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband's brother and his wife to this wedding too. Ashley's brother in law (41M) and his wife (33F) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. When they RSVP'd they indicated they'd only be bringing their 8 year old daughter.

I know Ashley's husband's brother well as he funded my brother's new business and employs Ashley's husband ( my son in law) in a job that allows Ashley and him to be full time parents to their kids. However, that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary to newcomers.

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So the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they RSVP'd for and then Ashley's BIL arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. The nanny they have for their kids is not there. My daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too.

An argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn't want to leave their kids for. I look over and Ashley is getting upset and her BIL and SIL won't budge.

The toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and I finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we'd be here forever. She asked why I was taking their side and I finally say that she either lifts this childfree policy for family or just cancel the wedding because I was done with her rules and leaving.

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My daughter says ' Really dad? Way to take sides!' She then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future FIL. She ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. AITA? I was afraid that this would become this standoff and Ashley would face ire from her in laws.

Weddings are a minefield of emotions, where one wrong step can set off a family explosion. The bride’s no-kids-under-4 rule was clear, yet her father’s ultimatum to cancel the wedding over it suggests deeper family dynamics at play. The bride, trying to reclaim control in a community where large families dominate, faced pushback from in-laws who ignored her RSVP boundaries. This wasn’t just about toddlers; it was about respect—or the lack of it.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict in families often stems from unmet expectations and poor communication”. The bride’s rule wasn’t unreasonable; child-free weddings are increasingly common, with 20% of U.S. couples opting for them, per The Knot’s 2023 survey. Her father’s threat, however, escalated a manageable dispute into a public spectacle, undermining her autonomy. To navigate this, he could have mediated privately, suggesting compromises like a separate kids’ area. Instead, his stance fueled division, leaving the bride feeling betrayed.

For families facing similar clashes, setting clear boundaries early and communicating them calmly is key. The father could rebuild trust by acknowledging his daughter’s perspective and apologizing sincerely. Respecting wedding rules, especially the bride’s, sets a precedent for mutual respect in family dynamics

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out spicy takes with a side of shade. Here’s the unfiltered pulse of the crowd, roasting and rallying in equal measure:

[Reddit User] − YTA x 10000. Child free weddings exist for a reason. The children, especially toddlers, get restless and annoying.. You decided to side against her on HER wedding rules. You wanted to force her to allow kids there. This is not your wedding. Did you read your post?

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oddpolyglot − YTA - You clearly have a favourite and it's not the nameless daughter that just got married. Father of the year, way to ruin your daughter's special day and probably your relationship with her and her side of the family.

How do you think all the other people felt when they saw 4 toddlers walking in after being told they couldn't bring their own?!. Hope kissing Ashley's in-laws family's ass was worth it. That's clearly *everything* you seem to care about.

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General_Relative2838 − YTA. I constantly read about unreasonable brides. Your daughter is so accommodating she allowed your other daughter’s in-laws to come. The in-laws said they’d bring one child but brought five.. Your unnamed daughter, the bride, must be a saint. I understand her hesitancy to return to Utah.

Specialist-Rope7419 − YTA.. And holy Mormon nepotism and entitlement and manipulation. Why the hell does she HAVE to invite in-laws of in-laws. This is one thing so damn messed up about Mormons. Her wedding, her rules.

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But, NO! You have to curry favors for all the freaking Mormon ass-grabbing and nepotism. (I grew up in a Mormon state and I still shake my head at how incestuous like these business deals are).

Misty-Far − YTA. ​ As the mother of 12 children, ten living & 2 in heaven I wrote out everything I was thinking but realized it was so long no one would read it. So. Just the bare bones. Shame on you. In your post mention Ashley **NINE** times and never once the Bride's name.

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You forced your condemnation onto the bride & force her to invite people she didn't want purely because you kneel to them over money. You never ONCE stood up for your daughter the Bride with no name. **NOT ONCE.**

Since you've not replied to anyone I'm confident you did not pay for this wedding yet you felt you had the right to throw a full on temper tantrum over your profitable guests being allowed to insult everyone by breaking good manners and bringing **seven** instead of the **three** people they RSVPed.

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You Sir, **you** ruined your daughter's wedding. Shame on you. Everything sad, bad or hurtful done was done by and because of **you**. You mentioned your daughter wasn't happy to be back in Utah, well why should she be? I don't think it's Utah she dislikes. I believe you've broken that young woman's heart so many times she doesn't wish to be around you anymore.

At the risk of getting in trouble I'm just going to be as Church Lady blunt as I know how.....you have not once defended your daughter. You're called by God and the Church of LDS to be her fortress, her defender, her advocate on earth and all you've been here is her nemesis.

Frankly you've dishonored your daughter, your new son in law, your wife and your God.. Shame on you.I'll be praying for you to repent, receive forgiveness and then go on bent knee to ask your daughter for forgiveness. I just weep for the Bride with no name.

roastdinnerplease − YTA. Its SO clear you have a favourite daughter by the way. Ashley is an AH for begging for an invite for her in-laws which is incredibly rude. If your daughter had wanted to invite them then they would have had an invitation in the first place.

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The in-laws are an AH for rocking up at a wedding with their entire brood that were not invited in the first place because they wanted to be in wedding pictures. You're the AH for just letting everyone steamroll your daughter on her wedding day and telling her to just let them in.

Then an even bigger AH for telling her to cancel the wedding. Then at the end of all of this you are mostly worried about Ashley facing any backlash from her in laws?!. If I were your daughter I wouldn't have let any of you in and walked down the aisle alone.

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McflyThrowaway01 − YTA. JUST BECAUSE THE MORMON PEOPLE IN UTAH REFUSE TO USE BIRTH CONTROL, DOESNT MEAN PEOPLE HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE ALL THEIR KIDS AT THEIR WEDDING.

YOU MADE HER INVITE HER SISTERS HUSBANDS BROTHER AND THEY JUST SHOWED UP WITH SLL OF THEM CAUSE THEY LIED. YOU WERE DISRESPECTFUL AND I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.. SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BOSTON.

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Faolan67 − YTA as is the family that brought the additional kids. \- she made this rule clear before hand. \- the family rsvpd for 1 child and hence agreed to just bring that 1 child. \- they brought all children and broke that rule. \- you then sided with the people breaking the rules

Historical-Piglet-86 − You really have to ask?. YTA. Even if you paid for 100% of the wedding,. 1. The people with the horde of kids aren’t the bride’s family. 2. The bride was clear about who was invited and this didn’t include kids under 4

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3. It seems like the bride has dropped the Utah “ideology” when she left Utah. That doesn’t make her wrong. 4. You chose to take the side of someone not blood related (who was also CLEARLY in the wrong) over your own daughter on her wedding day.. Seriously?

penguin_squeak − YTA Your daughter was clear, she did not want children under 4 years old at the wedding. Your utter disregard and contempt for your daughter on her wedding day is disappointing and inexcusable.

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These Redditors tore into the father’s priorities, cheering the bride’s resolve or slamming the in-laws’ audacity. Some saw the standoff as a Utah-specific clash of values; others called it plain disrespect. But do these fiery comments capture the full story,Proofread or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This Utah wedding saga shows how fast family ties can fray when boundaries are ignored. The bride’s attempt to craft her perfect day was overshadowed by her father’s ultimatum and the in-laws’ disregard. It’s a reminder that weddings aren’t just about love—they’re about navigating expectations and standing firm. The father’s choice to side with extended family over his daughter left a mark, but it also sparks a broader question about balancing loyalty and respect. What would you do if you were caught between family pressures and a loved one’s big day? Share your thoughts below!

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