AITA for the way I treated a guy that tried to get my gf’s number?

A sunny park, a woman jogging in a bar-logo t-shirt, unaware she’s caught a stranger’s eye. Days later, her fiancé, pouring drinks in his cozy bar, faces a creepy encounter that flips their world. This Reddit tale buzzes with tension as a customer’s persistence crosses lines, leaving the couple shaken. Did the bar owner go too far by calling out the stranger? Reddit and experts dive into this saga of boundaries and safety.

The bar, his dream, became an unexpected stage for drama. His fiancée, once a cheerful helper, now fears her favorite running spot. Let’s explore the story, community takes, and expert insights on navigating such unnerving moments.

‘AITA for the way I treated a guy that tried to get my gf’s number?’

I(30M) have been with my fiancee(26F) for 3 years, last year when everything started to open up I discussed with my gf the idea to open a bar, she knew how much I wanted that so I put my savings into it, during the first month my gf helped me as a waitress/community manager,

I hired a waitress and now she only helps with social media, when we opened I got some tshirts with the bar's logo, my gf of course got one, her and my family are the only people with tshirts besides the employees. My gf sometimes wear hers to workout/run, so last weekend a guy comes to the bar,

orders a drink and asks about a girl that works here, and starts to describe my gf, 'short, black hair girl, with tattoos in her arm', I honestly was not getting it because well she havent worked there in over a year and when she comes over she wears regular clothes, I tell him that no one with that description works here and he keeps insisting that she does or worked at least,

I kept telling him that not and he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture from our instagram, the picture was from our opening, it was a group picture with my friends and family and of course my gf, he zoomed her face and tells me that its her, I was kinda upset at that point and asked him how does he know her,

he said that they go to run at the same place and she was wearing the shirt so he looked the bar on instagram and found the picture so he assumed she worked here, I thought that was very creepy so what I did was I pulled out my phone and showed him a picture of us and told him 'you mean my Fiancee?'

he started stuttering and I told him he was a creep and a stalker and he needed to leave or I would get him out. I told my gf and she was so creeped out by the guy's behavior that said she is now afraid of going back to that park, the problem is some of my friends said that there was no need to be rude,

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the guy was just asking and I could have said it was my gf and that it was kinda funny, I dont think my gf being scared of going to run now is funny but idk maybe I could have handled different?. AITA for calling him a creep and names?

This bar owner’s fiery reaction screams protective instincts clashing with social norms. His fiancée faced an unsettling situation, and his sharp words aimed to shield her. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, where partners show they’re there for each other.” The OP’s response, though heated, was his stand for her safety, though his delivery stirred debate.

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The customer’s actions—tracking a woman via her t-shirt logo to her supposed workplace—feel invasive. To the OP, this wasn’t curiosity but a privacy breach. His fiancée’s fear of running again highlights a broader issue: women’s safety in public spaces. Surveys show many women face harassment, making such encounters alarming.

Gottman’s work emphasizes validating emotions. The fiancée felt unsafe, and OP’s reaction aligned with her fear. Friends calling it “funny” may miss her discomfort, reflecting a tendency to downplay safety concerns. The customer’s insistence suggests entitlement, not innocence.

For solutions, calm boundary-setting could protect both his partner and the bar’s vibe. Couples might discuss safety plans, like varying routines.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s verdict? A loud “NTA” with a dash of humor. Here’s the community’s spicy take:

Antique_Sense_7383 - NTA I would’ve done the same. You see a girl running wearing a shirt so you go to where she thinks she works? That’s weird

BlueBelle2019 - NTA. That s**t happens to us (women) all the time and it is why we are always on high alert. He might be fine and hopefully he is harmless and stays away from her running spot or at least has the decency to adjust the time he goes to avoid her.

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Crumblecakez - NTA The only thing I have to say in his defense is only on the fact he didnt know you were together. That's it.. Otherwise. Creepy to watch her workout. Creepy to watch her closely enough to read her shirt. Creepy to look up the bar. Creepy to scroll to find her. Super creepy to come looking. Super super creepy to start asking.

Employment places arent suppose to tell people when or if someone works there anyway especially women. Super creepy to keep insisting and pull out her picture. If I were her I would not return to that place to workout or run anymore either. Also if I were in your place i would have kicked him out too

Are your friends that said you were rude men by any chance? Most women I've known would absolutely not say it was funny or that you over reacted. Unfortunately I've seen men defend that kind of behavior from other men because they are more... forgiving when it comes to getting a girl or her attention. It always reminds me of hunting and its creepy af.. NTA

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yum_ee - NTA this is such creepy behavior. Fine, this guy thinks ur gf is attractive they already run at the same place he could just go up and talk to her. Why did he choose to track down her place of work?? Seems like he needed a power imbalance just to make a move, which says a lot about him.

Jacobsen_oak - NTA. Why would it be okay for him to show up where he thinks she works and start asking about her?

luthage - NTA. Listen to your gf and not your friends. She is creeped out, for good reason.

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Original-Winter9334 - NTA, this is creepy behaviour and it’s great to see other men calling it out.. A woman can’t take a jog without being seen as a s**ual object and tracked down to her workplace. Maybe he was sweet and innocent.

Or maybe he would have stalked her home next and made her fearful if leaving the house at all? Women don’t get the opportunity to figure out which, before something terrible happens to them.. Your friends are TAs to not understand this, please educate them.

WalmartDanaScully - NTA that's unnecessary behavior. Especially considering he seemingly never even spoke to your gf before so this was absolutely next level creepy. I mean, on par for these days, but no - NTA for calling a creep a creep

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Extension_Ad_972 - NTA. Even if you didn't have the information about how he found out where she worked, it's creepy for him to ask someone's coworker for information about her like that. Their justification that he was 'just asking' doesn't make sense.

You shouldn't just be asking someone's workplace about them when you haven't even spoken to them. This isn't a case where he's built up a rapport with someone, and he's asking 'Is X in today?'. He's asking questions about someone he clearly doesn't even know the name of.

funnyflowers1321 - NTA guy IS creepy, which is why your gf is scared now. Most women would be by this behavior. It’s called stalking…Your reaction was plenty appropriate.

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These opinions hit hard, but do they see the full picture? Reddit’s a wild place where bold voices shine.

This tale questions where curiosity turns creepy. The OP’s defense of his fiancée stirred debate, but protecting her peace is hard to fault. Could cooler heads have prevailed? It’s a tightrope between protection and professionalism. What would you do if a stranger made your loved one feel unsafe? Share your experiences—how would you handle this?

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