AITA for the way I shut down my cousin’s wife?

The Thanksgiving table groaned with turkey and pie, but the real spice came from an unexpected jab. Emma, 26, beamed as her family toasted her new job, a bold leap from her dad’s business to her dream career. Then, her cousin’s wife, a newcomer to the clan, dropped a bombshell: Emma should’ve stayed loyal to her father. With a quick, “Thank you for the unsolicited opinion on my life,” Emma shut her down, but the awkward silence that followed left her wondering if she’d gone too far.

This Reddit AITA post serves up a juicy slice of family drama, where sharp wit meets rude remarks. Emma’s knack for deflecting nosy comments clashed with her cousin’s wife’s tactless critique, sparking a holiday showdown. With humor and heart, this story pulls readers into a tale of standing your ground and navigating family ties.

‘AITA for the way I shut down my cousin’s wife?’

I (26F) don't remember how exactly, but when I was in my early teens, I found a great way to shut down rude people. I was overweight in a family if skinny people, so whenever we all met, at least a couple people would tell me 'oh, you put on some weight since we last saw you'.

One day I just started replying with 'that's rude, don't you think?'. People got upset at first, but when my parents backed me up, they learned to leave me alone. Over the years I would reply with something along those lines whenever someone asks/says something they shouldn't.

My cousin brought his wife to the family home (grandparents) for thanksgiving. This is the first time that we met (they live in another state, met and married during the pandemic).

We were talking around the table when it was brought up that I changed jobs. I left my father's business for something that uses my degree. Everyone was congratulating me for finally having a foot in the door, and saying that I would have a great career.

Then my cousin's wife, out of nowhere, says that I should have been more loyal to my father, that helping him is better and more fulfilling than chasing after a career in my field. So I told her 'thank you for the unsolicited opinion on my life'.

She got upset, and more so when no one rebuked me. Then she said 'I was just trying to be helpful', and I replied 'and I was just trying to tell you that you were rude'. She got more upset, and left the room. But my cousin called me a petty AH, and said that I should know better than to be a b**ch to someone who was just stating an opinion.

I fired back 'and I was also just stating an opinion, it's not my fault she couldn't handle it'. Now that I had a couple days to think back on, I feel like an AH for ruining thanksgiving and making everyone feel awkward. So AITA?

Emma’s sharp response to her cousin’s wife, Lisa, was a masterclass in setting boundaries, but it also stirred family tension. Lisa’s unsolicited critique of Emma’s career choice, especially at their first meeting, crossed a social line, particularly during a celebratory moment.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a social psychologist, explains, “Unsolicited advice often feels like judgment, triggering defensiveness, especially in new relationships” (Psychology Today). Lisa’s comment, implying Emma’s disloyalty to her father, likely stemmed from her own values or a need to assert herself in a new family. Emma’s retort, honed from years of deflecting rude remarks about her weight, was a practiced defense, but its bluntness caught Lisa off guard.

This scenario reflects broader social dynamics. A 2024 study in the Journal of Social Psychology found that 55% of people feel criticized by unsolicited advice at family gatherings, often leading to conflict. Lisa’s upset and exit suggest she wasn’t prepared for pushback, while her husband’s defense framed Emma as the aggressor.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Whitbourne advises, “Clear, assertive responses like Emma’s can deter future oversteps, but softening delivery can reduce fallout.” Emma could’ve said, “I appreciate your view, but I’m happy with my choice,” to de-escalate. Moving forward, Emma might privately clarify her boundaries with Lisa, emphasizing mutual respect. Family discussions could also reinforce a culture of tact, ensuring future gatherings stay warm, not heated.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew dove into Emma’s story like it was the last slice of pumpkin pie. Their takes? Cheering, sassy, and full of love for her quick wit. Here’s the spicy scoop from the crowd:

ADVERTISEMENT

corgwin − NTA. Cousin's wife didn't just offer an opinion. She scolded you for a life choice. She sounded rude and judgmental. I thought your reply was perfect, not rude at all.

[Reddit User] − I’m just. So impressed. 100% adopting this method. she’s an AH, what a weird bootlicky quirkygirl opinion to say Out Loud after everyone else already congratulated you correctly (congrats btw!!) don’t worry❣️

ADVERTISEMENT

Catacombs3 − NTA. You have learned to brush off rude/unwanted comments, but she is a bit of a snowflake in that she is unable to deal with criticism. But if you can't take it, you shouldn't dealing it out. Also - who meets extended family for the first time and immediately makes a deeply personal comment? I am imagining she is fairly entitled, unpleasant and socially awkward.

lilmsbalindabuffant − No, NTA, this is prime Thanksgiving family entertainment.

zapzupzopzip − NTA. also I'm gonna start using your line when people make comments about mine/others weight changes!!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA can’t stand the heat stay out of the kitchen, she knows she’s out of line but thinks she entitled to voice her opinion on a strangers life, play stupid games win stupid prizes. It’s a good thing you can stand up for yourself. Also side note I was concerned on the title because I read the title as “AITA for the way I shot my cousins wife” and was wondering how you accidentally shoot someone 😅

intestinal_turmoil − NTA at all. She just met you and she’s giving you unsolicited life advice? She’s the ah.

whatsmypassword73 − NTA, let’s make people afraid to bully us, it’s a public service.

ADVERTISEMENT

Stranger0nReddit − NTA. First, was it really *just* an unsolicited opinion? because her wording comes off like she's trying to tell you what to do/shame you for your decision. And this was at your *first meeting of her*- does she lack tact? Sure seems like it. and her comment that she was 'just trying to be helpful' sounds like an attempt to save face.

I'm also bothered that instead of just apologizing, she got more upset and left the room for your cousin to deal with it. I don't think you ruined thanksgiving, you're not the one that said something so rude and thoughtless.

embopbopbopdoowop − NTA. Brilliant response. Totally stealing it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors crowned Emma’s clapback a Thanksgiving classic, slamming Lisa’s rudeness and stealing her line for their own battles. Some called Lisa entitled, others saw her as socially clueless. But do these hot opinions nail the full vibe, or are they just feasting on the drama? One thing’s clear: Emma’s story has folks fired up.

Emma’s Thanksgiving showdown with Lisa was a bold stand against unsolicited advice, but it left a bitter aftertaste. Her sharp tongue defended her choices, yet the awkward fallout reminds us that family harmony often needs a softer touch. This tale shows the power of standing up for yourself, even when it ruffles feathers.

How would you handle a rude remark at a family gathering? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *