AITA for telling the father of my child that I don’t want him to be near me for the last month of my pregnancy or in the delivery room?

In the quiet hum of a new life growing, a young woman stands at a crossroads, her heart heavy from a toxic past. After enduring her ex-boyfriend’s betrayal—cheating, ultimatums, and orchestrated harassment—she’s carved out a fresh start as a systems engineer, ready to welcome her baby alone. Now, with only weeks until delivery, his sudden plea to re-enter her life stirs up old wounds, prompting her to bar him from her final month of pregnancy and the delivery room, sparking judgment from mutual friends.

This emotional saga unfolds in a foreign land, far from family, where the woman’s resolve to protect her peace clashes with her ex’s belated remorse. Her story, raw with resilience, invites readers to weigh the cost of forgiveness against the strength of self-preservation. Was she right to draw this line, or should she give him a chance?

‘AITA for telling the father of my child that I don’t want him to be near me for the last month of my pregnancy or in the delivery room?’

Just a breakdown, I was dating my ex-boyfriend for three years. Two weeks before graduating from grad school, I found out I was pregnant even though we took every precaution. I told my boyfriend. He told me he was fine with it. He is about four years older and felt he was ready to have a baby.

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For about two months, he treated me like crap. Despite telling me that he wanted to keep the baby, he pressured me multiple times to terminate the pregnancy by questioning my parenting skills. He was also growing distant.I cried myself to sleep most nights.

He eventually gave me an ultimatum - either keep the baby and leave him or stay with him but end the pregnancy. I decided to go with the former and moved out.After grad school, I started working as a Systems engineer so I was able to financially provide for myself. I never asked him for a penny.

During the four months we were apart, his brother and best friend would email, text and call me to tell me to terminate the pregnancy. I also found out that he had cheated on me with an ex of his during the last 6 months of our relationship. I ended up changing my number and deactivating social media and my personal email accounts.

Recently, my ex-boyfriend contacted me. He apologized for everything he did and wants to be in a relationship with me again. I have no inclination to do this. I am in a country that I have no family (my family lives in Europe). I currently have no support system here. He made six/seven months of my pregnancy hell.

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He told his brother and best friend to contact me. The girl he cheated on me with sent me screenshots of their messages in which he trashed me for months. In the last two months or so, I reconnected with a childhood friend. He knows about my situation and we are currently in a relationship.

My ex-boyfriend found out about this through a mutual friend and all of a sudden wants to be in my life. I am not okay with that. I have no problem sharing custody with him after the baby is born. If he wants to be a present dad, I won’t stop him.

But I don’t want him around me for the last couple of months of my pregnancy. I don’t want him to be there with me in the delivery room. His parents and our mutual friends keep telling me to forgive him, but I can’t.

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This pregnancy ordeal underscores the importance of protecting one’s mental health during a vulnerable time. Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, notes, “Toxic relationships can exacerbate stress, especially during pregnancy, impacting both mother and baby” . The OP’s ex’s behavior—pressuring her to terminate, cheating, and enabling harassment—justifies her decision to keep him at bay. His sudden interest, sparked by her new relationship, suggests manipulation rather than genuine change.

The broader issue is stark: about 20% of pregnant women face emotional abuse, per a 2021 study . The OP’s choice to prioritize her well-being over her ex’s demands aligns with her right to a safe delivery. His ultimatum and harassment via proxies show a pattern of control, not care, making her boundary essential.

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Dr. Saltz advises “clear, firm boundaries” to manage toxic ex-partners. The OP’s willingness to share custody post-birth is generous, but her delivery room is her sanctuary. She should inform hospital staff to bar him, as suggested by Redditors, and consult a lawyer to secure her rights. For readers, this highlights the power of saying no to toxicity, even under pressure.

To move forward, the OP should maintain her no-contact stance, leaning on her new partner and professional support. Her ex’s remorse, if sincere, can be proven through actions post-birth, not now. This story reminds us that pregnancy is a time for empowerment, not obligation—choose peace over chaos.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit squad rallied around this mama-to-be like a virtual hug, dishing out support with a side of righteous indignation. Here’s the raw scoop from the community, packed with cheers and sharp advice:

christina0001 − NTA you saw his true colors, don't let anything make you forget that

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usernameawesome1 − NTA. Speak to doctors/nurses/hospital staff and let them know you do not want him or his friends/family around. BLOCK THEM ALL. Before you give birth, see a lawyer about legal rights.

He may have to prove he is the father via paternity test that he is the father to get any visitation and if that is the case then that opens the door for him to pay support. He is probably doing this as a means to manipulate you and harass you. Not a good person to have in baby's life.

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[Reddit User] − NTA and, if I can say so, you sound like you’re a badass in an incredible space right now. This person has put you through some hell and yet not a shred of bitterness or anger comes off in what you’ve written.

You’ve come away from him with your dignity, your degree, your career, a new relationship and a baby - a whole actual human for goodness sake! Trust yourself with how you want to handle your ex’s role in your child’s life. You sound more than capable and they’re lucky to have you.

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ugh-leavemealone − NTA.. He sounds like a garbage fire made out of red flags.. You did the right thing moving out, changing numbers, and blocking social media. Don't forgive him.

His actions would even make me second guess how much of a positive impact he would have in the life of a child. My immediate guess it's that he wouldn't be one and I would not want unsupervised time between him and my baby.

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ggfangirl85 − NTA - he has rights as a dad and they don’t kick in until after the baby is born. He’s not entitled to anything while you’re pregnant, especially your delivery room. Stay strong and look into family lawyers now.

Desert_Fairy − Keep the harassing messages you have received. Keep them time stamped and safe. Send a copy to your parents. Then a copy to your lawyer. The instant he tries to manipulate you in court have your lawyer present all the harassment to terminate the pregnancy (even past the 24 week mark) to the court.. You have all of the leverage you need to keep this man away from you and your baby.. NTA

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[Reddit User] − NTA He made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with the child when he gave you that ultimatum. Why should he be in the room then?

Poplett − NTA - Not sure why he's doing this, but I'd be willing to bet that it's not for any acceptably good reason. Good on you for moving on. Best wishes for your delivery, baby, and relationship.

LeMot-Juste − Just to note, if you give birth to this child here in the USA (rather than Europe) you may never be allowed to leave given that the courts will rule that the child must be in close proximity to its father.. Food for thought.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He had every chance to get his s**t together. He could have easily treated you with a lot more respect.... and who gets their brother and friend to harass a pregnant woman?

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It's your body, your pregnancy, your choice. If you don't want him around until the baby is born he should respect that. It's the least he could do. And if your concerned about him finding out when your at the hospital in labor and him trying to get in, you can tell the nurses/doctor and they won't let him in.

These Redditors championed the OP’s strength, slamming her ex’s manipulative tactics while urging legal and emotional protections. Some saw his push as control, others praised her resilience. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling her resolve?

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This tale of a woman reclaiming her peace amid a toxic ex’s chaos shines a light on the strength it takes to set boundaries. The OP’s stand to keep her ex out of her pregnancy’s final stretch and delivery room is a bold act of self-care, despite pressure from friends and his family. It’s a reminder that no one owes a toxic past a second chance. What would you do if faced with an ex demanding access during such a vulnerable time? Share your thoughts below!

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