AITA for telling the bride her choice was inconsiderate?

A bachelorette bash promised laughter and bonding, but a bride’s last-minute switch flipped the script. Imagine pouring months into planning a four-day extravaganza—reservations booked, favors bought, and your home prepped as the party hub—only to have the bride announce a new venue with a casual shrug. For the OP and her co-planner Becky, the bride’s decision to move the celebration to her grandmother’s beach house, handing the reins to her cousin, felt like a slap after their tireless efforts.

This isn’t just about a party gone awry; it’s about respect for others’ time and the sting of being sidelined. The OP’s frustration, calling the bride inconsiderate, sparks a debate about wedding etiquette and communication. Readers might feel the burn of her letdown, wondering how to navigate when good intentions get trampled. Let’s unpack this wedding planning drama.

‘AITA for telling the bride her choice was inconsiderate?’

My brother (27m) is getting married to his fiancé (27f) in September. I (35f) was asked to host and plan the bachelorette party with the bride’s other future sister-in-law, Becky (38f). The party will be a four-day event in August.

Becky and I were asked to take over planning when one of the bridesmaids dropped the ball. I was also asked to host the party at my house - which is out of state for everyone. My house and my vehicles will be used. There will be a total of six of us at the party.

Becky and I have been planning this 4-day event for the past three months. We have bought party favors and gifts, collected funds from all attendees, made reservations for fun activities, put together an itinerary, etc. We have spent a lot of time, energy, and funds prepping.

There have been a few times I’ve turned down plans or friends visiting the weekend of the party because this is on the calendar. The bride calls me and Becky yesterday and says her grandmothers beach house in her home state has become available that weekend and wants the party to be there instead.

She says it’s closer for the guests (four of the six of us) and is where she wanted it originally. She said her cousin (who originally dropped the ball) will take over the planning. The bride says she’s been thinking about this for the past month and didn’t want to loop us in until she officially decided.

When she shared this, I was a bit frustrated, and I told her cancelling something like this for a different location was basically pulling the rug out from our feet and being inconsiderate to the fact that Becky and I a) were asked to take over planning, b) already had everything lined up, c) have spend time and energy coordinating with all guests, etc.

Am I the a**hole for calling the bride out on this and calling her decision inconsiderate? The bride said her decision should be hers to make and that she shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. To this, I feel as though she should feel guilty. I do see her side, but her decision to completely change things that have already been in the works for a few months to make a very special 4-day trip … seems crappy. Thoughts?

The bride’s bombshell venue switch is a classic case of wedding fever trampling courtesy. The OP and Becky’s frustration is justified—months of planning, personal funds, and sacrificed weekends deserve better than a last-minute pivot. The bride’s month-long silence while “deciding” only deepens the sting, showing a lack of regard for their efforts.

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Dr. Elaine Wellman, in a Brides article, notes, “Clear communication is vital in wedding planning to avoid resentment.” The bride’s unilateral decision, while her prerogative, ignored the OP and Becky’s contributions, framing them as disposable. Her claim that she shouldn’t feel guilty dismisses their labor, revealing a self-centered streak. A 2023 WeddingWire survey found 42% of planners experience stress from miscommunication, underscoring the need for transparency.

The OP’s call-out, though blunt, was a plea for acknowledgment. Dr. Wellman advises addressing such conflicts calmly: “Express your feelings and suggest compromises.” The OP could request reimbursement for non-refunded expenses or a heartfelt apology to mend ties. Moving forward, setting clear expectations for wedding roles can prevent similar slights, ensuring respect for all involved.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd brought their A-game, serving up spicy takes with a side of sass. From calling the bride entitled to suggesting petty payback, the comments are a lively roast. Here’s what they had to say:

penguin_squeak − NTA The bride was being rude and inconsiderate.

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Muted-Appeal-823 − NTA. Bride was incredibly rude and inconsiderate. Seems like she didn't even acknowledge your hard work! And maybe I'm just getting old, but is a 4 day Bachelorette party the normal thing to do?? When my friends got married we went out to the bar or had a party at someone's house. This seems so over the top!

[Reddit User] − NTA. I hope you kept receipts. Return what you can, pack up the rest and make that her gift for the party. Then find something else to do that weekend. You know, because you didn't want to say anything until you officially decided.

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nothingclever4now − NTA but I'd probably just let it go. I know you've wasted time and money. She's being selfish. She should be apologizing and asking how she can make it up to you. And for sure she should have told you a month ago that she was considering it.. Lesson learned. Don't give her your time and energy in the future.

coloradogrown85 − OP, you are absolutely NTA. Her behaviour is terrible and you deserve better. I'm sorry she's going to be your future SIL.. The simple fact that: The bride says she’s been thinking about this for the past month and didn’t want to loop us in until she officially decided.... We have spent a lot of time, energy, and funds prepping.

If you are feeling petty, let her know you and Becky have been thinking it over, and ask her how she'd like to reimburse you for your time and money. You can:. 1. submit the bill to her. 2. deduct the amount from the funds you return to the other attendees. 3. deduct it from all future wedding expenses including any gifts including trasnport to the new location

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Be sure to calculate the time you spent with Becky for all this planning as well, including the extra month she took deciding. Alternately, you and Becky both have the option to become unavailable to attend this 4 day bridezillafest she's got her cousin now planning.

thirdtryisthecharm − NTA. A professional planner and venue wouldn't deal with this, and you shouldn't be expected to either.

OptmusJonzz − NTA she knew for a month that her ‘first’ location was available and didn’t say anything. That alone makes her an AH.. By the way, what is “the bride’s other future-sister-in-law” mean? Is she not your sister?

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whoamaynifest − NTA. She's right that it's her day/decision and that's where that ends. She's not right that she should be free of the ramifications of those actions. She WAS inconsiderate. She didn't think at all about how this would affect the people doing her a favor by taking over per her request.

The audacity is dumbfounding. I probably wouldn't go to the wedding after this, but I see why it being your brother's wedding too might skew that perspective.. Ask for reimbursement for your time and energy. Draw up an invoice.

willynilly1738 − NTA. It’s understandable why you and Becky would feel upset after spending so much time preparing for the trip.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She was totally inconsiderate and entitled. Yeah, she's the bride but she asked you two to plan something and then just says, oh, I'm asking someone else now. Rude.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, backing the OP’s frustration while questioning the bride’s audacity. But do their fiery opinions capture the whole story, or are they just tossing gas on the drama?

This bachelorette blunder shows how quickly wedding joy can sour without open communication. The OP’s anger at the bride’s disregard is relatable—who hasn’t felt overlooked after pouring their heart into a project? While the bride has the right to choose, her silence and dismissal were a misstep. A candid talk could clear the air, but respect must go both ways. Have you ever been sidelined in a group effort? What would you do in the OP’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below!

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