AITA for telling SIL that if I wanted her opinion I’d have made her a bridesmaid?

In a whirlwind of wedding plans, a 27-year-old bride faces a storm of family tension. Once tight with her fiancé’s four sisters, she’s now their target, deemed unworthy of their family name since the engagement. Snide remarks about her choices pile up, and when they’re excluded from the bridal party and lodging, the eldest sister unleashes a tearful tirade.

Pushed to her limit, the bride snaps, saying she’d have made her a bridesmaid if her opinion mattered. Was her sharp retort a justified stand, or a spark that’ll burn the wedding day? This tale of fractured bonds questions how much family drama one bride should endure.

‘AITA for telling SIL that if I wanted her opinion I’d have made her a bridesmaid?’

Me (27f) and fiancé (29m) have been together for 8 years. Until we got engaged I was very close with his 4 sisters, then when he proposed I was frozen out. They'd been fine with me being his girlfriend but I 'didn't deserve to be Mrs LastName'

We had been planning to ask all of them to be bridesmaids I told fiancé I'd still ask them to for his sake but he refused and said they deserved nothing more than an invitation as basic courtesy if they don't support our marriage. This is when their attitude got worse.

Any time they could they'd make bitchy comments about me and the wedding: 'Make sure you find a plus size wedding dress shop' (I'm a size 12) / 'I won't stay the night it's not worth my time' / 'Aren't you worried what people will think if you have roses?'

I know that from what my fiancé has been told they are furious to have not been made bridesmaids and feel I chose to do that to exclude them from everything. That brings us to now: We had to cancel our big 2021 wedding due to obvious reasons.

Instead next year we're renting an 9 bedroom holiday home with a nice garden and having a small ceremony of 30 immediate family and close friends and then just a lowkey party in the garden afterwards. We assigned bedrooms to our parents, and bridal party. When we told MIL she asked where the sisters' rooms were.

We told her all the other guests can stay at the inn (4 minutes walk away - I checked!) which is actually loads cheaper than the rooms we've paid for for the bridal party. Within 3 hours of speaking to MIL the eldest sister was on the phone to fiancé crying that I have once again excluded his sisters and they are sick of me.

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Apparently the situation had reduced MIL to tears. Fiancé was defending me to her but at one point turned to ask me a question about the inn (if they had family rooms - they do) and when his sister heard my voice she demanded to speak to me. Fiancé refused and said he's her brother so if she has an issue to take it up with her.

However I'd reached the end of my tether and agreed to talk to her. She immediately began berating me and I just snapped and cut her off with 'NAME if I cared about your opinion on my wedding don't you think I'd have asked you to be bridesmaid?!' and handed fiancé the phone back.

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He hung up on her after that. His entire family is furious, and even my maid of honour and my parents have said I shouldn't have said that since it hadn't even been my decision about the wedding party and I knew it was a sore point.

They also said now if his sisters do show up for the wedding it'll be really awkward for everyone and no one will have fun and I've ruined the whole day.. AITA for snapping at his sister with something I knew would anger her?

This wedding saga is a tangled knot of loyalty and resentment. The bride, once close with her fiancé’s sisters, faced their rejection post-engagement, turning wedding planning into a battleground. Her sharp retort, while biting, was a reaction to months of criticism. The sisters’ exclusion from the bridal party, a mutual choice, fueled their sense of rejection.

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Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Unresolved family tensions often erupt during weddings, where expectations run high.” A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found 35% of wedding-related conflicts stem from family disapproval, like the sisters’ hostility. The bride’s fiancé backing her is a strength, but a family meeting could clarify boundaries.

This story underscores the need for clear communication. The couple might consider uninviting disruptive guests to preserve their day.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s takes on this wedding drama are as fiery as a bridal bouquet toss gone wrong. Here’s what they had to say:

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cynical-mage - NTA, and check out the shiny spine on your other half! Nice to hear of a partner backing up and supporting their OH, instead of letting family create needless dramaz.

TheUtopianCat - NTA. After freezing you out, what did they expect would happen?

Own_Replacement_7119 - NTA at all. If they don’t support you or feel that you are beneath them, why even let them come at all? You should tell everyone in the family that it’s you and your future husbands day and not about them. Don’t listen to anyone’s opinions. Your man did the right thing, they didn’t deserve to be your bridesmaids.

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octopus_onmyface - NTA 100% They disrespected you since the moment you got engaged, they don’t deserve to be up there with you on your big day. I’m really happy to hear your partner had your back throughout all of this.

I can’t believe she thought she could insult you (I’m a 12 too and look damn good) and still think she deserves to be in the wedding party. You go have an amazing wedding and those who are being negative are welcome not to go. The new venue sounds beautiful!

LittleSnowySparrow - Whats wrong with roses? Theyre a pretty classic wedding flower. But NTA. Maybe if they hadnt started acting like evil stepsisters the moment they found out you were marrying their brother, they would be included. But why should you include them when they straight up SAID that you werent good enough to be a member of their family? You should remind people of that.

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Befub14435 - Nta. Your hubbie to be is doing a great job but enough is enough. He needs to have a family meeting and outline how all of their behaviors are completely out of line. This wedding is about celebrating your commitment and beginning of building your new family and future together.

If they can't shut up and be happy about it not only will they not be at the wedding they will not be a part of your future. You are his wife and will be mother of his children (if you want them) and disrespecting you is not allowed. So what will it be?

Current-Read - NTA,you might have to put the foot down and say if they cant cut the crap they are uninvited and get ready to boot them at the wedding if they pull a stunt. Its nice to think families wont pull crap at a weddings but we have all learned from this forum that families will pull stunts on a wedding day.

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MageVicky - NTA and I'm so confused at this weird behavior; they were fine with you and him for 8 years and suddenly they're not? wtf??? I'd be all over them confronting them and asking them to be honest about what the hell their problem is; you'd think them being ok with you for 8 years would earn you some kind of explanation. If you ever get to the bottom of this super odd behavior, please update and let us know.

MsBaseball34 - NTA and they have been HORRIBLE to you. Why in the world would you ask them to be bridesmaids? Sounds like your FH and his family need to have a serious sit-down. If they want to be included they need to act like a family.

LavingtonWindsor - Wow. Even Cinderella only had to put up with two of these.. NTA btw.

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These reactions pack a punch, but do they fully capture the sting of family betrayal during wedding plans?

This story of a bride’s snap amid sister-in-law strife lays bare the chaos of family expectations. Her retort, born of frustration, was a stand against relentless criticism, but it risks casting a shadow over her wedding day. The sisters’ hostility, rooted in their own grievances, tests the couple’s resolve. Have you ever faced family pushback during a big life event? Share your thoughts—what’s the line between defending your choices and keeping the peace?

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