AITA for telling people the truth about my multigenerational house?

The cozy hum of a bustling family home can feel like a warm hug—or a suffocating squeeze. For one woman, what started as a dream of building a life with her husband and three kids turned into a cramped reality she never signed up for. Living in a multigenerational house with her husband’s parents, cousin, aunt, and now a new family, the walls seem to close in daily. When she spilled the truth about her frustration to friends, the fallout was explosive.

Her story, shared on Reddit, peels back the curtain on a home that feels more like a crowded commune than a private sanctuary. Caught between family loyalty and her own need for space, she’s left wondering if her honesty was a betrayal—or a desperate cry for freedom. Let’s dive into her tale and see what the Reddit crowd thinks.

‘AITA for telling people the truth about my multigenerational house?’

I've been married to my husband for 4 years now. We have three kids. When we got married, I moved in with him. The story I was told about the house we live in is that he bought the house with his grandparents and that once they passed, it would just be our house.

When I moved in, his parents, his 19 year old cousin Bea, his grandmother, and occasionally his aunt still lived there. I was told that the aunt just visited but lived in another state, and that Bea was only living there until she finished college as a favor to her and the family.

4 years later, they are all still living here full time as the aunt gave up her other house during 2020. Bea is now married with a child. While there are technically enough bedrooms for everyone with enough sharing, this house is way too crowded.

It wasn't until late last year after I'd had my 3rd child and expressed interest in having Bea's family and her mother at least work on moving out that I learned that that story was false. My husband and his parents don't co-own the house.

The money that paid for the house is 40% my husband, 20% his parents, and 40% money from their grandparents that was gifted early. Part of the grandparents' stipulation for going in on this house was that Bea was to be put on the paperwork as well. Legally, Bea owns 33% of the house and is the 3rd name on the title.

I was shocked by this. Bea will never want to move out and won't let us kick out her mother, and his parents have the right to live here for life, so this is just settled as a multigenerational house and always will be. Of course my husband says he never told me any other story. I can't prove it, but it doesn't matter now.

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I HATE living like this. I never wanted a multigenerational house. Everyone else is totally fine and happy with this, and from the outside it looks like a great situation, but this is never what I wanted. It feels like a commune. There's very little privacy and someone is around every corner.

I've started opening up to my friends who express jealousy because I have 'live-in socialization, safe grandparent help, and a 'full tribe''. I was tired of it, so I told them the truth. It got around, and now I'm public enemy #1 in my house and even accused of wanting a divorce if I 'hate my family so much'. AITA?

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Navigating a multigenerational household can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield of expectations and unspoken rules. For this woman, the sting of her husband’s alleged deception about the house’s ownership cuts deep, turning a shared home into a battleground of trust. The clash between her desire for privacy and the family’s acceptance of communal living highlights a broader issue: mismatched expectations in relationships.

According to Psychology Today, family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, and when those moments are broken, rebuilding can be a marathon.” Here, the husband’s potential misrepresentation about the house’s ownership fractured that trust. Her shock at learning cousin Bea’s 33% stake and the permanent presence of extended family underscores a bait-and-switch that left her feeling trapped.

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This situation reflects a larger societal trend. A 2020 Pew Research study found that 20% of U.S. adults live in multigenerational households, often for financial or cultural reasons. Yet, not everyone thrives in such setups. Her frustration stems from a lack of agency—nobody asked if she wanted to live like this. The husband’s gaslighting, denying he told a different story, only deepens the rift.

Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes open communication to rebuild trust. She could initiate a calm discussion with her husband, laying out her need for clarity and boundaries. Couples therapy might help unpack the deception and align their visions for family life. For now, she’s stuck in a home that feels like a revolving door of relatives—hardly the private nest she envisioned.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of sympathy and tough love for this overwhelmed wife. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

CheerilyTerrified − NTA. But your husband is for lying to you. I'd actually consider a divorce for that alone. And you're not an a**hole for venting to friends about the crappy (to you, even if others would love it) situation you ended up in due to your husband's lies.

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citrushibiscus − It sounds like cultural difference here, as many cultures do live in generational houses. My mom's side does that, and I still live with my parents. It's not for everybody, and that's perfectly understandable. Unfortunately, your husband lied to you and is trying to gaslight you into believing what he wants you to.

That's a red flag and something you need to discuss calmly with your husband. Be warned that it may not come to much, as he and his family think that leaving family is akin to leaving the family forever. By that I mean leaving the household, in case that wasn't clear.. NTA, but what do you want to do now?

edit to include this from reading other comments from OP: OP this is very concerning and to be completely honest, kind of horrifying-- especially about the home birth being pushed on you, though you did not take that route. Please, PLEASE seek therapy for yourself.

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lellyla − NTA. You are not happy with your living situation and you never agreed to it. In fact your husband deceived you. You can talk to him about selling the house. In that case you would split the money and buy something smaller.

Avebury1 − NTA. It sounds like your husband got you to marry him under false pretenses which would be akin to fraud. I would be looking for a really good divorce attorney. Give your husband a choice, either he gets bought out of his share of the house and you buy your own house or you will move out with your children and file for divorce.This is a hill that I would die on.

Your honor, when the other party asked my client to marry him he spun a fairy tale that he was the sole own of what was to be the marital home in order to get her to say yes. Only after getting married and starting to have children did my client learn the truth. Rather than her husband being the sole owner, the ownership of the house is divided up like and there are now  living in what is effectively a commune.

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This was not a situation my client ever agreed to when she married her husband. My client would like a divorce, primary custody of her minor children, child support, and 50:50 division of all marital assets including cash value for the husband’s interest in their home.

Dszquphsbnt − The story I was told about the house we live in is that he bought the house with his grandparents and that once they passed, it would just be our house.. I learned that that story was false. Of course my husband says he never told me any other story. I can't prove it, but it doesn't matter now It doesn't matter now?

If you really think it doesn't matter, then part of me wonders if your husband is telling the truth when he says he never told you anything other than the truth. Assuming YOU'RE telling the truth here (and I am assuming that) then it f**king well does matter. He LIED to you, about something MASSIVELY important. It matters. A lot.

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It is your whole life— you and your three children's *whole life.* Make sure you have your own story straight with yourself. Is there a chance that you made an assumption in the beginning, that was never corrected, and now it has morphed in your mind into husband told me one thing, then told me something different?

If you have 100%, zero-doubt certainty that he told you he owned it, and eventually it would be just your house—then you have a real problem. I don't know the solution, but I know for damn sure it matters. And you are for damn sure **NTA**.

SubliminationStation − INFO - Why didn't you have an honest conversation about the living situation before having 3 kids? Truthfully 3 kids in the first 3 years of marriage isn't really a great idea either but having them in a living situation you aren't happy in is an even worse idea.

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But from your post it sounds like you didn't even bring up kicking everyone else out until all the kids were already there. Your husband is definitely getting the side eye from me for lying to you about the ownership situation if the house and coupled with the having children so fast kinda seems a bit abusive.

Medium-Raspberry1122 − Info: how is it that your husband put in 40% money but only owns 33%?

ParticularReview4129 − NTA. You were lied to. Tricked. Deceived. That is so hard because you were robbed of a choice. Now that you know the truth you do get to decide what to do about it. It pretty much sucks.

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Julia070000 − NTA I would want a divorce..he lied to you

ittybittymomma − NTA, BUT you’re shooting down anybody’s advice. It seems like you just want to feel justified at being pissed off while also not Wanting to fix anything. You were lied to. That’s huge.

These Redditors rallied behind her, slamming the husband’s deception while questioning her next steps. Some urged divorce, others suggested selling the house, but a few wondered if she’d overlooked red flags before having kids. Their hot takes spark a bigger question: does venting to friends cross a line, or is it just human to crave a listening ear?

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This woman’s story is a rollercoaster of trust, family ties, and the quest for personal space. Caught in a house that feels like a bustling village, her honesty with friends stirred up drama but also shed light on her hidden struggles. It’s a reminder that family life isn’t always a Hallmark movie—sometimes it’s a crowded, chaotic sitcom. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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