AITA for telling parents not to take their kids trick or treating to a certain house?

Picture a crisp Halloween evening, the air buzzing with giggles and the rustle of costume capes, as a gaggle of kids—witches, superheroes, and tiny ghosts—scurry from house to house. A mom, beaming with cautious hope, guides her blended family of five through the twinkling neighborhood, her heart set on a magical night for her 6-year-old autistic daughter. The little girl, clutching her candy bucket, had practiced her “candy please” and “thank you” signs, ready to conquer her shyness and join the fun.

But the night took a sour turn at one doorstep, where a woman’s rigid rule shattered the joy. Refusing a goodie bag to the quiet 6-year-old, the homeowner sparked tears, a heated exchange, and a mom’s fierce instinct to protect. Now, whispers of the incident ripple through group chats and neighborhood apps, leaving everyone wondering: was this parent wrong to sound the alarm? Dive into this sticky Halloween tale!

‘AITA for telling parents not to take their kids trick or treating to a certain house?’

My husband and I have 5 kids between us. He had 2 from a previous relationship (9 and 13), I have 1 (14) and we have two together (3 and 6). Our 6 year old is autistic. She is verbal but she doesn’t like strangers and doesn’t talk to them. I was worried about taking her trick or treating but I know she practiced at school and we practiced the signs “candy please” and “thank you”.

It was going well at first, then she started to get tired. At one of our last houses, she didn’t speak or sign. The woman was handing out goodie bags with king size candy bars and stickers. She gave one to all of my kids except for my 6 year old. She ran to me crying and my 14 year old told me that the woman didn’t give her a bag because she wouldn’t say trick or treat.

I went up and explained that she’s autistic and doesn’t speak much but the woman refused to give her anything unless she said trick or treat. After some back and forth, I made the kids give the bags back and we left. I texted a group chat with parents in my daughters classes, both general ed and special ed, gave them the address, and explained what happened so they wouldn’t have to deal with that with their kids.

Word spread pretty quickly so that house was not very popular last night except for some pranks. People even posted about her on nextdoor. Now she’s posting about me and my kids and this whole thing is blown out of proportion. I was wondering if I was wrong for telling parents not to take their kids to her house.

Halloween should be a treat, not a trick, yet this parent faced a disheartening standoff. When a homeowner withheld candy from a 6-year-old autistic child for not saying “trick or treat,” it exposed a clash of expectations—empathy versus rigid tradition. The mom, advocating for her daughter, alerted other parents, only to face a whirlwind of backlash. Was this a fair warning or a step too far?

This scenario taps into a broader issue: inclusion for neurodivergent kids in social traditions. According to the CDC, 1 in 36 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and many thrive with flexibility, not strict rules (source). The homeowner’s stance, while perhaps rooted in tradition, overlooked the child’s unique needs, clashing with a parent’s duty to shield and support.

Dr. Temple Grandin, a renowned autism advocate, once said, “Different, not less,” in a 2010 TED Talk (source). Her words highlight that neurodivergent kids bring unique strengths, deserving accommodation, not exclusion. Here, the mom’s pushback mirrors a call for understanding— a subtle jab at inflexibility without villainizing anyone.

For parents, experts suggest clear communication: explain a child’s needs calmly, as this mom tried. If met with resistance, disengage and focus on safe, welcoming spaces. For communities, hosting inclusive events—think “sensory-friendly” trick-or-treating—can bridge gaps.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, heartfelt, and a little cheeky! When a homeowner turned candy into a power trip, Redditors rallied, calling out ableism and cheering inclusion. Check out their unfiltered views:

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helpthe0ld − NTA ~~you didn’t tell anybody to stay away from the house, you just gave a heads up of how someone treated a neurodivergent kid.~~ People made their own decisions on whether or not to go to the house after receiving your information and request for support, I’m glad to see so many were supporting neurodivergent kids.

We gave out full-size candy bars last night and there were kids who were so excited they forgot to say trick-or-treat or thank you. Did I complain or make a fuss? No! I saw a couple of kids grabbing extras and it didn’t bother me. It’s Halloween and it’s supposed to be fun.

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It’s wonderful when kids are polite but you also have to recognize that there are kids like your daughter and my son who sometimes can’t do that or who are just too excited by everything going on to remember all the social niceties.

ETA - my apologies, I missed the very last line of the OP's post (was reading on my phone) but my point still stands in that people made their own decisions about going to the house after receiving the information from the OP. The OP didn't force anyone to stay away and if the homeowner believes that the OP kept people away, she's very mistaken as it was her own actions (rightfully called out) that kept people away.

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Katja1236 − NTA. People who are mean to kids because they're neurodivergent, or because they have disabilities, or even just because they're shy or don't jump through hoops on command deserve what they get. The E S Hs here are so worried about her poor hurty feelings about being piled on - well, she earned them with her behavior,

unlike the child she was cheerfully willing to single out and treat cruelly for the crime of having a disability. Maybe a little public shaming will teach her what she apparently lacks the heart to figure out on her own - there is no reason ever to single out and pick on a small child for being different.

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swedeintheus − NTA. I live in one of the go to neighborhoods for trick or treating and we regularly get over 500 kids come to our door. I don't make them perform for the candy. There is no transaction here beside you show up, you get candy. No costume? You still get candy. Senior in high school? Awesome, here is some candy.

theubster − NTA. Who the f**k refuses to give candy to a child on Halloween? Much less a non-verbal kid?. She's just mad that you spoke the truth about her s**tty actions

neverella − NTA As an autistic person myself, I understand your thinking of wanting to warn others and give you kudos as a parent of an autistic kid. When I was a child, I was very non verbal with strangers. Even into my early teen years, I only spoke through my parents, siblings, or close friends to strangers.

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At the doctors office, ordering at restaurants, strangers on the street commenting on my appearance, etc.. I always spoke through the ones I trusted. I’ve, unfortunately, had too many experiences in my childhood of people treating me differently because I wouldn’t talk with them. They didn’t care for the reasoning, they would just be rude. I’ve been called a brat, a liar, an attention seeker, a prude, etc..

You stood up for your child nicely, explained the issue and the woman was small minded and ableist in her response. Also, ignore the comments saying you were out for revenge or spreading this to make that woman a social pariah. You didn’t do that. You gave a word of warning to other parents who may have socially anxious kids or (as you stated there were special Ed parents too)

kids with autism or other disabilities that could make that house a horrible experience for them. Nor did you make a group chat, but messaged in an already made one. You didn’t make anyone post about it anywhere else or encourage people to prank her house. You were just looking out for the well being of other kids and the stress it would cause them and their parents.

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CatchMeIfYouCan09 − Don't want attention? Don't have s**tty behavior.. If more people were called out on their a**hole behavior maybe we would have less assholes..... NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA. Hugely ableist lady. Last night we had kids who spoke, kids who signed, kids who said nothing, kids who spoke English, kids who spoke other languages, kids who said thank you, kids who didn't, kids who took one, kids who took a handful...and we did. not.

care. !!!!!!! It was fun! As long as the kids were having fun, we were having fun! Oh, and we have no kids so I don't want to hear any of the 'she must not have children' crap. You don't have to have kids to have common sense and basic decency.

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The_Bad_Agent − NTA That home doesn't welcome ND children, and deserves to be put on blast for it. And you helped prevent parents with ND children from dealing with that.

IorekJByrnison − NTA. She doubled down on her ignorant behavior even when you explained the situation. Then, you privately let others know what happened. It's OK to tell others about your lived experience. She was and is in the wrong here, no doubt about it.

writinwater − NTA. People who are assholes to six-year-olds so they can pull some sort of petty power trip are pathetic and deserve to be put on blast. If she was cruel to your kid she'll be cruel to others.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the real treat is seeing a community stand up for a kid, even if it means a few eggs on a doorstep—figuratively, of course!

This Halloween tale started with a hopeful trick-or-treat adventure, stumbled into a sour standoff, and sparked a neighborhood buzz. A mom’s quick text to warn others ballooned into pranks and posts, showing how fast empathy—or outrage—spreads. It’s a reminder: a little flexibility can turn a child’s night from tears to triumph. While the homeowner doubled down, the community leaned in, championing inclusion with a dash of sass.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Would you alert other parents or let it slide? Drop your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the comments—let’s keep this candy-coated convo going!

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