AITA for telling our moms they can’t join our vacation?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The stress of wedding planning can transform even the simplest vacation into a maze of conflicting emotions and logistics. For one engaged couple, the chance to enjoy a luxurious, free escape at the Waldorf Astoria in Cabo felt like a rare, precious gift—a moment to pause and recharge before the big day. Yet with both mothers expressing a strong desire to join, the couple finds themselves caught between familial love and the need for an uninterrupted couple’s retreat.

Set against the vibrant backdrop of Cabo’s sun-kissed beaches and upscale comfort, the couple dreams of a getaway filled with carefree moments: spontaneous swims, relaxed conversations away from wedding details, and a dose of humor sprinkled into their mini pre-honeymoon. Despite their deep affection for their mothers, there’s a shared sentiment between them—a longing to celebrate their union privately without the constant barrage of planning and familial oversight.

‘AITA for telling our moms they can’t join our vacation?’

My fiancé and I are getting married in August. We are in the thick of wedding planning and stressed AF. He travels for work and has acquired 3 free nights at any Hilton property. We booked the Waldorf Astoria in Cabo. Because he is a diamond member, we were upgraded to a massive 2 bedroom villa (over 2500 sq feet). All for free.

My dad is a FA and so we get very cheap flights there. Basically, the entire vacation will only cost us about $500. Anyway, both of our moms have asked to join. They are 60 and 70, one divorced, one widowed. We are very close with both of them and like each other’s moms well enough.

But ALL THEY DO is talk about wedding planning, and them joining would obviously change the dynamic of the trip. We want to be able to have s**, swim n**ed, do whatever we want, and it’ll be different with our moms there. Anyway, I know I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do.

I feel like we are getting this opportunity of a lifetime that they’ve never had and that we owe it to them to allow them to join. I also think having them there could be fun, in a different way. They’d have their own bedroom and could do their own thing.

But my fiancé really doesn’t want them joining and doesn’t want to hear about wedding stuff all vacation. Our moms have brought up a few times how they are so jealous and we are so lucky and they wish they could join, and we sorta just laugh it off.

But I feel so guilty, clearly since I’m asking here.. Very curious to hear other’s thoughts. Are my fiancé and I assholes for saying no? Update: this is NOT our honeymoon. We are going to Cabo this week. It’s just a random vacation to use up free Hilton nights that will be expiring soon. We will still have a proper honeymoon after our wedding.

Sometimes, establishing boundaries is the first step toward nurturing a healthy relationship. The couple’s desire to spend uninterrupted quality time together, free from the omnipresent influence of family matters, reflects a need to prioritize their own intimacy.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman once noted, “Couples need time together alone to maintain a positive balance in their emotional bank accounts.” This sentiment underscores that while familial bonds are essential, creating distinct spaces for the couple to bond without external pressures can strengthen their relationship.

In analyzing this situation, one can see that the couple isn’t rejecting their mothers out of malice but rather to safeguard a brief period of unity before the wedding. The emphasis is on preserving the freedom to engage in lighthearted, couple-centric activities—like spontaneous swims or enjoying a quiet dinner without interruptions.

Experts advise that clear, honest communication about boundaries can help prevent resentment later on, and sometimes even open the door to alternative plans that allow family members to connect separately. The couple might consider arranging a different trip that includes everyone, thereby acknowledging the importance of family while also carving out personal space for their special time.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Community feedback on this dilemma is strongly in favor of the couple’s decision to keep the vacation a private retreat. Many feel that while family is cherished, there’s a critical need for dedicated couple time—especially ahead of a wedding. The consensus highlights that setting boundaries is not only healthy but necessary to ensure that personal, romantic moments aren’t overshadowed by persistent family concerns.

Overall, readers agree that framing the trip as a pre-honeymoon escape rather than a conventional family vacation helps clarify the couple’s intent and makes their decision more understandable.

EmceeSuzy − You are NTA for saying No but how did your mothers come to know about this trip? How did they come to know that you would have a large accommodation?. You have to learn to keep your business to yourselves.

Spiritual_Control673 − I think this is an opportunity for you to get closer with your fiance and that you want to be alone with him and he is the one you are building a life with, not your mothers.

Discount_Mithral − NTA. Stop phrasing this like a vacation and start calling it a ~~mini~~ pre-honeymoon. Tell them that while you love them both dearly, and would love to plan a proper vacation that can accommodate everyone, this trip is going to be a ~~mini~~ pre-honeymoon and you two intend to do what newly married people do.

Edit: Ok, so call it whatever you want besides a vacation. Your mothers are seeing this as a trip, not a romantic getaway. I could see why they would want to join a random vacation, so stop calling it that and lay down a boundary.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −

And in the future, be REALLY careful about sharing vacation info. My FIL has done this- tried to invite himself along on trips. As such, we're pretty tight-lipped about our plans until they get REALLY close. Luckily FIL is relatively busy so if he were to find out a week or so ahead we're going somewhere, he could'nt go anyhow.

beckster_1 − NTA, it's your honeymoon. Are you referring to it as a honeymoon? Or a vacation? If you've been calling it a trip or vacation around them, try changing your language because it is rather awkward to ask to go on someone else's honeymoon lol. I don't think they are trying to be forward, but it might help them understand without you needing to be confrontational.

JenninMiami − If I were your finance, I’d be absolutely LIVID that you wanted to ruin OUR vacation with not just my own mom, but my mother in law too. Mothers are a big mood k**ler. No one wants to have s** with their mothers hanging around.

Practical-Bird633 − The only thing that sounds worse that my mom tagging along to my HONEYMOON would be my mom AND mil tagging along

One-PhotographyZ-120 − NTA Just keep laughing it off and mentioning how awkward it would be to have them along on your private romantic getaway.

MasterAnthropy − So OP - your dad is a FA and never took your mom on a getaway like this?. Maybe you should be talking to him about it instead of feeling guilty? 🫤

squirrell1974 − NTA. You have every right to do things as a couple without your parents. That would be normal adult behavior. When your parents are unable to allow you to live your own life without them there it's called enmeshment. It's not healthy for anyone involved.

My brother, his wife, and their daughter traveled to France and Italy last year (we're American). My mother

I have three adult children, all of whom are in long term relationships. We've gone places as a family, but we all also do things with just our spouse or spouse and kids. That's healthy.. Maybe suggest your mother and his mother go on a trip together?

This post captures the delicate balance between honoring familial love and honoring one’s need for individual couple time. The couple’s choice to reserve this getaway exclusively for themselves is a reflection of their desire to recharge and deepen their connection without external interruptions. At the same time, it raises important questions about how we establish and maintain personal boundaries within close relationships.

What do you think? In times of family expectations, how can couples best negotiate the line between togetherness and personal space? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s engage in a conversation about finding that healthy balance.

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