AITA for telling my wife that she should have included my daughter in her “mother/daughter” trip?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Family dynamics in blended households can often spark challenging conversations over traditions and inclusivity. In this evolving narrative, a father feels deeply conflicted after his wife’s recent decision during spring break—a day solely reserved for her biological daughters on their customary “mother/daughter” outing. He believed his daughter, who has long missed having a maternal figure in her life, deserved to share in this cherished experience.

His perspective echoes the hope that long-held traditions might be expanded to welcome new family bonds. Yet, the situation is anything but straightforward. The wife argues that the tradition was established long before their union and that preserving it is essential to maintain the special connection she shares with her daughters. The ensuing argument has spotlighted the complexities of merging families and honoring individual histories while building new relationships.

‘AITA for telling my wife that she should have included my daughter in her “mother/daughter” trip?’

I (44m) have two children (18m, 16f.) My ex-wife abandonded the family when my daughter was still a baby. I recently married a woman (42f) with three kids (17f, 14f, 13m.) Their father is still involved in their lives. All of our kids are still in high school, though my son is set to graduate soon. They recently had their spring break.

During spring break my wife took her two girls to a major city near us for a

After her trip with her girls was over, the next day, she took her son out for a

But my wife says that she was just carrying on old traditions; of spending time with just her girls and then spending time with just her son, and that she'd be happy to start a new tradition with my daughter, but that it needed to be a different thing. She also said

Why aren't you making an issue out of that?

When it comes to blending family traditions in mixed households, the need for clear boundaries and gradual integration is paramount. Experts in family psychology suggest that maintaining established traditions can provide comfort and stability for children, particularly in families undergoing significant change. At the same time, creating new rituals to welcome all members can enrich relationships, but only when everyone feels respected and valued. This duality is at the heart of the debate.

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In this case, the father’s concern stems from a genuine desire to mend a gap in his daughter’s life. His plea for her inclusion is not about overturning established routines but rather about extending maternal warmth to someone who has always longed for it. Conversely, the wife’s reluctance is rooted in a desire to preserve the sanctity of her own history with her daughters.

As the transition into a blended family continues, experts warn that forcing inclusion abruptly can sometimes backfire, leading to resistance and resentment among all parties involved. Family boundaries are essential for emotional wellbeing, and renowned psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud once remarked, “Boundaries define us. They allow us to protect our personal space and shape a healthy self-image.” This quote underscores that respect for both old and new rituals requires mutual understanding. Dr. Cloud’s insight highlights the importance of letting traditions evolve organically rather than imposing changes that might disrupt the delicate balance of family dynamics.

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It is advisable for both parties to engage in a calm, honest dialogue about their expectations for family rituals. Establishing parallel traditions—a dedicated one-on-one outing for the daughter along with the mother’s new “stepmother-stepdaughter” day—can help ease the tension. Research in blended family dynamics suggests that gradual adjustments, supported by open communication, significantly improve long-term relationships and reduce feelings of exclusion. Ultimately, the solution lies in balancing heritage with inclusion, ensuring that every child feels genuinely cherished.

Check out how the community responded:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. The majority of Redditors lean towards the view that established traditions should be preserved rather than forcibly altered. They argue that while the father’s concern is heartfelt, blending family routines takes time and thoughtful planning. Many believe that creating an additional, unique tradition for his daughter might be a more effective way to welcome her, without disrupting the existing bond she has with her stepmother and step-sisters.

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[Reddit User] − I'd say YTA here. Her kids have been there long before you, and will be there after. I think it's a great way for her to maintain her closeness with her kids by continuing traditions pre marriage to you. She has said she will make a new tradition with your daughter, which is exactly the right thing to do.

You're seeing it as exclusionary to your daughter, whereas in reality, she is maintaining continuity with her own children. Which is incredibly important, especially during the transition of merging of two families. It allows her to demonstrate in a practical manner, that despite living circumstances changing, her relationship and love for her kids has remained the same.

Miserable_Cow403 − YTA - You recently married this woman. She is prioritizing her relationship with her kids and continuing a tradition they had for years. They just went through a big life change, getting a step dad and step siblings. You and your wife decided to blend your families. All of your kids are teens, some a few years away from being adults.

They won’t just instantly act like they have always been siblings. These relationships take TIME. Take your kids out individually for their own father/child dates. The key thing here is that each child feels loved, heard and checked on during this transition. It seems like this is your wife’s way of doing that.

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Jocelyn-1973 − Honestly? She might want to add a 'stepmother-stepdaughter day' to the list of traditions. But the mommy/daughter day should stay as it is. You know what? Her kids have done an awful lot of adjustment, after a divorce and becoming part of a new family structure. These traditions are probably very important for them, specifically because they include the original set-up of their family. Don't change the tradition. Add an extra one.

imnvs_runvs − See, the problem here is that you're trying to force blending in a way that may explode in your face.. * Does your daughter want to go on the trip with her very recently-added step-mother and step-sisters?. * Does she want to spend a whole day around people that may resent her being there?. * Does she even want a replacement mother?. *

Do you know how your step-daughters feel about adding her to this tradition?. * You can't force relationships, especially in other people. That takes time. Yes, it would be nice for your daughter to be included and get some

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FloatingPencil − YTA. That’s her tradition with her daughters. They shouldn’t have to share that just because their mother met someone who also has a daughter. Your wife is right about creating a new tradition - add to things, don’t take them away or muscle in.

fallingintopolkadots − Did your daughter express sadness at not being included? Does she see your wife as a mother figure? I can understand your feelings about it, how you feel your daughter should get some

and possibly have recently moved in together (since it doesn't sound like this was an issue last year), and know from experience that blending a family is not always so easy for the kids. She had every right to keep some traditions with her own children ,and it may have been important to her girls to keep it this way this year.

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She's willing to create a new tradition with your daughter (and possibly all of the girls together?) and this sounds like a great idea. They can do something that interests your daughter and do something new. It's not your right to smush everyone together that's not always the right thing in respect of all children involved. YTA

Redlight0516 − There's a lot of missing context here (How recently are you married, did your daughter actually want to go, how long did you date, how do the girls get along etc) but most likely YTA Your wife is right, a new tradition with her and your daughter would be great but there still needs to be room for you and just your kids and your wife and just her kids.

You can't ignore or pretend that life started the day you and your wife got married. Forcing your daughter into pre-existing traditions with your wife and her kids is likely to build resentment between your daughter and her step sisters. Don't force this as your current approach is likely to do more harm than good.

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And your wife is right, there is a double standard here that you didn't ask for your son to be involved in mother/son activities but you do for your daughter for mother/daughter time. She's not her mother and I highly doubt your wife or your daughter see their relationship that way. They need to navigate that on their own without you forcing the issue.

An-Empty-Road − So what traditions are You doing with all the kids?

HyenaStraight8737 − YTA. Not for wanting her to bond with your kids. But for not considering her children need 1 on 1 time with her, as her kids without the steps around, just as YOU should be doing with your own bio kids. You can ask her to make a GIRLS DAY that includes your daughter, but you do not get to intrude on her bio daughters special day with their mother.

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Yes it sucks your daughter's mother bailed. However that is not on your wife's children nor is it their fault. Therefore they should not be forced, asked or expected to give up time with their mother ALONE as their bio unit. Same as you get to exclude them from things with your bio child and your unit with them.

Her kids did not get siblings. Their mother didn't give birth. They got steps. Grown people to work out how to relate to and be family with. Thats not the same as handing them a newborn sibling. Same goes for yours. It would be appropriate to ask if she might consider a day out with just your daughter. Thats totally fine to ask and in mind even expect.

So long as her bio get the same. Once you work that out, then you can as not about mother daughter day, you absolutely leave that alone, you ask for a girls day. GIRLS. Consider also, trying to force your daughter into this, will p**s off your step kids. They will see it as you refusing to allow them to spend time with their parent alone as they have every right to do so.

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Your daughter can be included in a NEW girls of the family tradition. Stop what you are doing. You are not helping your daughter, you might end up doing irreparable to the relationship she has with her step sisters if you don't back the hell off and recognise;

your daughter is a new comer and if you try to force her on the others, they'll reject her because of YOU, not because of anything your child did. You. You will be the reason your child is hurt if you don't stop and have some respect for the step kids and their relationship with their mother

dire012021 − I'm going against the majority here and going with NTA. The 18m is about to graduate and would mostly have his own plans already figured out for the break, so not attending the mother / son movie wouldn't have bothered him. OP would have been cruel if he left his 13m stepson at home and took only his bio kids out. OP's wife only suggested making a new tradition with stepdaughter after OP pointed out that it was cruel.

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She also said it can't be a similar thing. Stepmother has made it clear she will never take stepdaughter to lunch followed with a visit to a day spa as that's something she'll only ever do with her bio daughters.. His wife intentionally excluded OP's daughter. OP, I highly recommend you take your daughter out one on one and ask her if there's other things your wife or her daughters are doing to make her feel excluded.

In conclusion, the crossroads of tradition and inclusion in blended families remain a sensitive and deeply personal issue. The father’s call for including his daughter in established rituals reflects a genuine desire for healing and connection, while the wife’s stance underscores the importance of honoring longstanding familial bonds.

Navigating these waters requires clear communication, understanding, and gradual adjustments that respect everyone’s emotional needs. How would you approach creating new family traditions while preserving the old? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how best to blend family legacies with inclusive love.

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