AITA for telling my wife that she needs to shut up about her company?

Step into a warm family dinner, where laughter fades as a mother’s work tales drown out her daughter’s voice, teetering on a pivotal moment. This Reddit story unfolds with a father’s sharp plea for his wife to listen, not lecture, as their teen daughter hints at coming out. His blunt words—“shut up” about her company—spark tears and tension. Was he too harsh? Reddit and experts dive into this tangle of family bonds and missed connections.

The wife’s startup obsession overshadows her daughters’ needs, especially the eldest’s resentment. This tale of parenting and priorities pulls us into a debate about listening and love. Let’s explore the story, community takes, and expert insights.

‘AITA for telling my wife that she needs to shut up about her company?’

My wife has always been the breadwinner in our marriage, we have two daughters, they are 17 and 14. My wife used to have a great work-life balance and we used to get a lot of time for the family but she joined a startup about 8 years ago. She promised that she will only work there for a year or two.

She didn't leave till the company was acquired about a year ago. She worked a crazy schedule and we barely got to see her. My children did not get any quality time with their mother. She worked crazy hours as one of the senior employees. It has created some issues in my marriage but I can handle her working those hours, our children couldn't.

They didn't have a lot of great one on one time after she started working there and she missed a lot of big moments, birthdays and my eldest clearly resents her for it because she has stronger memories of before the startup. My wife is trying to rebuild her relationship with our daughters, Our youngest is more receptive to her but the older one is very reluctant.

They both don't like it when my wife starts to talk about her company. She does it a lot, I don't mind it because it is her life's work and she is incredibly proud of her work and I like to hear her speak about it. The issue is that our daughters don't like it, They both freeze up and lose interest in the conversation and it dampens their mood whenever she brings it up.

I have gently nudged her and told my wife that our children don't like it when she talks about her company and she tries to connect with them over their interest instead of turning the conversation back on to her company.

We went out to have a nice dinner and we were actually having a good time and my daughter was telling her about some of the clubs she was part of and this was an important conversation because my daughter used almost the same format to come out to me.

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She would talk about clubs and then talk about the LGBT group in school. My wife instead of just letting her continue she started to speak about her company and how they had formed clubs for the employees. My daughter didn't come out and she just nodded along and tuned everything out.

When we got home I told my wife that she needs to stop bringing up her company and needs to shut up and listen to our children, They didn't want to listen to her glory days. my wife started to cry she said she is crying and she doesn't know what more she can do and she worked hard for all of us and they don't even care about it.

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This father’s blunt call to his wife was a desperate bid to protect their daughter’s moment. Her work talk, a constant refrain, silenced a potential coming-out, deepening family rifts. Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychology expert, says, “Active listening validates a child’s identity and fosters trust.” The wife’s focus on her startup, while a point of pride, alienates her daughters, who crave her presence, not her resume.

The wife’s work-heavy identity reflects a broader issue: parental absence due to career demands. Surveys show 65% of teens want more quality time with parents, especially during milestones like coming out. Her daughters’ disengagement signals unresolved pain from her absence.

Damour’s work stresses listening over lecturing. The father’s harsh words, though jarring, aimed to refocus his wife. Family therapy could help her connect through shared activities.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s rallying with a firm “NTA” and a dash of wit. Here’s their vibrant take:

forgottenenvies - NTA. Your wife needs to go to therapy to learn how to have an identity outside of being a worker bee.

[Reddit User] - NTA if she wants to rebuild her relationship with the kids, she needs to be present with them. Constantly talking over them about her work that made them feel abandoned is... not that. I feel for her she's clearly got some complex feelings that are also upset here, but she's the parent. It's her job to reach out to her kids with the greater effort. If she expects to be understood, she should try understanding them first.

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PrettyFly4AYaoGuai - NTA. Your wife is probably having a hard time. She probably threw herself at her job because she wanted to provide for her family. Sadly, she's realizing a really painful truth: Babies don't keep. Trying to reconnect after so much time away isn't an easy task.

You've tried to be gentle and nudge her in the right direction, but she wasn't listening. Saying it louder and more direct is all you can really do. It's probably hard to hear and I feel for her, but it still has to be said.

Maleficent_Ad_3958 - INFO. Yeah, I wouldn't want to hear about the thing that stole my mom away from age from age 9 to 16 for the older one and age 6 to 13 for the younger one. To them it's like a monster that ate their mother's time.. I do want to know if she's still working for the company and if she's still working long hours.

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I think it doesn't help that she doesn't seem to acknowledge that it's a PROBLEM and that she missed stuff you can't get back.. I honestly think you should have pushed harder to get her to cut down a loooooooooooong time ago.. I think some family therapy is in order.

SydeSplitter - NTA. Your wife sounds like she’s having a hard time not being self centered. Her reaction that she worked hard for all of you is weird because it sounds like she enjoyed the work immensely. She also sounds like she has unrealistic expectations for kids.

Children are not going to be as grateful for anything as they should be, while they’re children. You cannot approach parenting as some kind of exchange, where your kids owe you something in return. You just… can’t. That sucks, but it’s just the way children are naturally programmed.

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HappyFriar - NTA However there's important information missing. Have you talked to your daughter, and explained that get mother NEEDED to work that job to provide for them? Have you pointed out to your daughter that working so much to provide for the family has left your mother with literally nothing else to draw from?

Honestly it sounds like family therapy is needed. She needs to take on activities WITH the girls so that she has new things to talk about with them and doesn't have to fall back on work.

calling_water - NTA. Your wife made two major mistakes in that conversation: bringing up her company (again) was one of them, but even more was using what your daughter was saying as a springboard for her own thing instead of engaging with your daughter about what your daughter was saying.

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I’m sure we’ve all known those people who aren’t so much listening to us as waiting for their turn to talk, and simply use our words as a starting point for theirs. It’s maddening even coming from acquaintances, much less a parent. It makes us feel unseen and unimportant.

Your wife needs to stop doing that, and if she takes care of that then her mentions of her company should massively decrease along with it. Your wife is crying that your daughter doesn’t care about her company, but she hasn’t been showing that she cares about her daughter. The latter is much worse.

[Reddit User] - Nta if she wants to connect to her kids, this isn’t the way to do it. If you want her to work less hours would she be receptive if you got a job?

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PureAlpha100 - I feel for you. It's like being married to a LinkedIn feed. Blechhh.

Hail-Persephone - NTA especially because your daughter was trying to come out. As it’s not your story to tell, I think asking your wife to shh for a second and actually actively listen was important

These opinions pack a punch, but do they miss nuances? Reddit’s a lively stage—let’s see if they hit the mark.

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This story weaves a knot of love, resentment, and missed moments. The father’s sharp words aimed to amplify his daughter’s voice, but they cut deep. Could a softer nudge have worked? It’s a dance of parenting and patience. What would you do if a loved one’s focus drowned out a child’s big moment? Share your thoughts—how do you balance pride and presence?

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