AITA for telling my wife that I don’t have to speak to our daughter until I feel comfortable?

Step into a family torn apart, where a father’s shock over his 17-year-old daughter’s pregnancy turns into icy silence. Once close, he now ignores her, crushed by her choice to use the pull-out method despite his safe sex talks.

When she asks to watch the Super Bowl together, he snaps, vowing not to speak to her until he’s “comfortable”—maybe never—leaving her in tears and his wife pleading for dialogue. Reddit’s buzzing with takes on whether his silent treatment is justified or a cruel overreach.

‘AITA for telling my wife that I don’t have to speak to our daughter until I feel comfortable?’

Found out a couple days ago that our daughter (17f) is pregnant. I was so angry that I just went numb and walked away. I've never been so disappointed in my life. We used to be super close but I don't even talk to her anymore. Today my daughter came over to me while I was watching TV and asked if we were still watching the SuperBowl together.

ADVERTISEMENT

I was going to ignore her, but I told her, 'This is the last time I'm speaking to you because obviously everything I've been telling you over the years just goes in one ear and out the other. I've never been so disappointed in my life. I told you about safe s**, condoms, birth control.

On top of that, you betrayed my trust. You used to tell me everything. I argued with your mother all those times about letting you go to your boyfriend's house because I thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened.

But I was wrong. So from now on, don't talk to me ever again. Anything you want to talk to me about, go tell your mother and have her pass it on to me.' Later, my wife comes into my den and asks what happened. I told her to ask her daughter.

She said she did but she couldn't understand her because she was crying so much. I told her what I had said, and she got upset and said that I have to talk to her. I told her 'No, I already did. And I'm not talking to her again until I feel comfortable, and I don't know when that might be. Maybe never.'

ADVERTISEMENT

**Edit** Our daughter told us she was pregnant not last Friday, but the Friday before that. Like I said I haven't been speaking to my daughter since then, but my wife used to tell me what was going on until I told her to stop.

Teen pregnancy can strain family bonds, and this father’s reaction—shutting out his 17-year-old daughter—reflects deep hurt but risks lasting damage. His betrayal, rooted in her failure to confide about her boyfriend’s lapse in contraception, fueled a harsh vow of silence, even when she sought connection. Delegating communication to his wife and dismissing his daughter’s emotional plea escalate the conflict, leaving her vulnerable at a critical time. While his disappointment is valid, his approach undermines the trust he laments losing.

A 2024 Journal of Adolescent Health study notes 60% of pregnant teens face parental rejection, increasing risks of depression. Family therapist Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider says, “Open dialogue, even when painful, fosters resilience in teens facing big choices.” The daughter’s attempt at safe sex, though flawed, and her boyfriend’s commitment suggest accountability, yet the father’s silence punishes rather than guides.

ADVERTISEMENT

Experts urge parents to process anger privately—through journaling or therapy—and reengage with empathy. The father could apologize for his harsh words, explain his fears, and set boundaries for future talks. For others, family counseling can navigate such crises. His wife’s plea signals a need for unity, not division. The daughter needs support, not exile, to face motherhood.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit unleashed a storm of criticism and some nuanced takes for this silent father. Here’s what they fired off:

ADVERTISEMENT

WhoFearsDeath − YTA. I’d tell you why but I’m not talking to you.. ETA: I will talk to all of the rest of you to say damn, thanks!

kikaslova − “You used to tell me everything”. You berate your daughter for sharing something really important with you. You destroy her for it. You wonder why you aren’t close anymore? Think of the impossible standards you’ve set for her. How about holding yourself accountable for a change?. YTA

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: This comment was posted before OP added his edits. I want to clarify that I was not referring to teen pregnancy or birth control methods. OP still the AH regardless. Edit 2: Some of y’all don’t get it. The “impossible standard” is the daughter being able to talk to OP (and trust him).

Dumpster_fff − YTA, wow, so you are outsourcing your parenting duties to the good ole fashioned silent treatment, eh? Guess what? Accidents happen. And unless you had a steady supply of condoms/made birth control available TO your daughter, then I'm not sure how giving her safe s** talks will help much.

ADVERTISEMENT

Safe s** talks also need to be paired with making the resources available to young people. If you don't, they're still going to have s**, because they're still figuring out wtf is going on. She's never had a kid. She doesn't know exactly how hard that can be, especially for a minor. And you decided to make it harder for your temper tantrum.

You have proven to your daughter to not share anything with you, because when she does you walk out on her. Just expect that by the time you're 'comfortable', you'll turn around and be like 'HEY GUESS WHAT, I'M HERE EMOTIONALLY' and she'll be gone, until she's comfortable. She won't know when that might be. hopefully never.

ADVERTISEMENT

SweetPotatoFamished − YTA. I thought you were responsible and that you would come to me if anything happened.. She did.. You walked away.

Impossible_Town984 − Yta. You realize this is the kind of stuff teens kill themselves over right? You are acting really immature and selfish and putting a lot of burden on your wife to deal with this. Grow up and act like an adult.

ADVERTISEMENT

sheramom4 − YTA. If I were your wife I would be at the courthouse Monday morning filing for divorce, child and spousal support and a move out order for our home effective immediately. You verbally and emotionally abused your child. There is no way around it. If you are this upset then do your wife and daughter a favor and move out.

Sugarglumfairy − YTA, absolutely. You’re just going to end up pushing her further away. EDIT. Even with that additional information, they are both clearly aware that they f**ked up by using the pull out method.

ADVERTISEMENT

You’re still being a complete AH. Her BF wants to raise this baby and they have the support of his family. You haven’t spoken to her in two weeks? You need to get over yourself otherwise you will never get to see your grandchild.

Llyndreth − YTA. Right now *you* aren't talking to her. Pretty soon it's going to be *her* not talking to you. Say goodbye to ever hearing her say 'I love you Dad'. Say goodbye to being called Grandpa. Say goodbye to walking her down the aisle. Say goodbye to her high school graduation.

ADVERTISEMENT

Say goodbye to any life changing big events in her life.. That's your future if you can't get over yourself. She made a life changing decision. From what you are saying, you are making her life choices all about you and your feelings. Boo hoo she didn't trust you enough to tell you before her mother.

You know a woman who has actually been pregnant. Someone that she loves and trusts that has gone through all the emotions that come with growing a human inside of their body.. From your reaction it's not hard to understand why she didn't tell you before her mom.

You owe her a massive apology for your behavior. And it's only going to be through her good graces if you ever have a relationship with her again. Even if she does act more mature than you and accept your apology, your relationship will never be the same again.

[Reddit User] − I'm not one to see this thing as one-sided as most of the sub seems to see it. Your daughter and her boyfriend are presumably still living with their parents (Meaning OP). They cannot raise a baby themselves, therefore OP, his wife and the other two parents are most likely pay for the child's needs

ADVERTISEMENT

nd take care of it when the child's parents are going to be in school (Or at work to at least partially pay for their own child.) - I understand the anger OP feels, because it's that of responsibility he didn't choose to take on because his daughter made a very, very bad decision.

And I get her side too - when I want to be with my girlfriend, condoms are really expensive and I didn't have much money as a teen. Plus, there's always this sense of mystery, the question of how it feels without protection - but those are temptations one has to resist until they're ready to raise a child or until they go child free

ADVERTISEMENT

and let doctors castrate them which is very valid and I myself am leaning towards that route. Simply put, everyone who says it's one dumb decision, it's a decision that greatly affects 7 lives (The parents, the grandparents, the baby.) and it's caused by major disregard for anything the teens know about s**.

(Which, at least according to OP, should be enough to understand how dangerous their decision at that age nonetheless would be.) Still, OP, up to this point, you must've done a good job as a father, since your daughter seeks out your companionship watching the TV, meaning she sees you as a friend as much as a parent.

ADVERTISEMENT

I know you're scared, angry, dissapointed and betrayed, but silent treatment is abuse. It is rooted in the past culture as a solution to problems with children and partners, I know, but it hurts people and their trust in you very, very deeply. I know you still love your daughter, otherwise you wouldn't be so hurt by her actions and current predicament.

She is your child and she needs help and support and even though you are hurting, you should consider other ways of showing her your side of story. Sit down with her - apologise for the silent treatment you tried to put in place, but also explain how much her decision hurt you and how deep the consequences of HER actions are going to be for YOU and her mother.

ADVERTISEMENT

Explain to her, that you trusted her and even defended her in front of her mother because you knew she was smart enough to know what's good and bad. Acknowledge her mistake as a deep rooted one - perhaps a problem of responsibility, perhaps a problem of not researching potentially dangerous things before doing them, perhaps a problem in her relationship (Who suggested the pull out method?

If the boyfriend, he's an irresponsible p**ck. When people are fired up, it takes a strong will to decline it when there are no forms of protection left...). Talk to her about your feelings and then listen to her feelings. Also apologise for your wife for roping her into this abusive behaviour and explain to her that you know why it is wrong and thank her for being patient with you.

ADVERTISEMENT

(Buy her a gift. Not just flowers or chocolates, buy her something personal that shows you aprecciate her in your life.). I can't begin to imagine how frustrating this situation is, but if you manage to calm yourself and act as I suggested, it will most likely create more understanding and love amongst your family.

Yes, you already created a wound by starting the silent treatment, but you can start healing it right away, because such healing is a slow process and the sooner it is done, the better for all of you. I don't think you're an a**hole, just an ordinary dude that doesn't know what to do in a dark situation of his life.

ADVERTISEMENT

(Please don't ever tell the child that.) Don't invalidate your feelings during any of this - they are valid and you have a right to feel them, just don't let them cloud your actions any more than they did. NAH , just two flawed people with their own problems that ended up in a hard situation and need to figure out each other's feelings.

WhiteJadedButterfly − YTA. What’s the use of having family when they don’t support you in times of need, and instead ignore you and wish you didn’t exist?. You don’t deserve to be her dad.

ADVERTISEMENT

These takes spark a question: was his silence a fair response to betrayal, or a harmful rejection?

This pregnancy-fueled family rift lays bare the cost of a father’s silence. His refusal to speak to his pregnant daughter, despite her outreach, aims to express his hurt but risks alienating her for good. His wife’s distress signals a breaking point. Was he right to demand space, or should he have stayed open? How would you handle a teen’s mistake that shakes your trust? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo alive!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *