AITA for telling my wife she’s selfish for refusing to make our son a non-vegan birthday cake?

In a cozy suburban kitchen, the scent of freshly baked cake wafts through the air, but tension simmers beneath the surface. A devoted dad finds himself at odds with his vegan wife over a seemingly simple choice: the birthday cake for their five-year-old son’s big day. What should be a joyful celebration spirals into a heated debate about dietary choices and family priorities, leaving both parents questioning their stance.

As the couple navigates their differing values, readers are drawn into a relatable dilemma: how do you balance personal beliefs with family traditions? The story unfolds with raw emotion, sparking curiosity about where compromise fits in this flavorful feud.

‘AITA for telling my wife she’s selfish for refusing to make our son a non-vegan birthday cake?’

My wife has been vegetarian-ish as long as I've known her (ten years), but last fall she made the leap to full vegan. I was (and am) very supportive of her not eating meat before the change and have been very supportive of her since then. We have three kids aged 7 to 1.

My wife and I agreed that, while veganism is the right way for ethically conscious adults, it currently does not meet the nutritional needs of growing children in the same way an omnivorous diet does. We've seen the horror stories of children and pets starving and dying at the hands of vegan parents and are staying far from that.

Our agreement means our kids eat a regular omni diet and my wife doesn't have to prepare any meat. Simple. My middle kid will be five next week and my wife is spearheading the whole event. Today she started trying out cake recipes. I'm usually the taster and provide feedback as honestly as I can.

Tonight there was a cake cooling and she told me she'd let me try it as soon as it cooled and she'd made frosting.. I tried the cake. It was off. I was confused for a moment, then it hit me.. Me . 'Did you adapt this recipe to make it vegan?' Her . 'Yeah I figured I needed to start now if I wanted to have something workable by the party.'.

I put the cake down. 'Why are you making a vegan cake? None of the children are vegan.'. She became defensive. 'I wanted to make sure there were options, I don't know what everybody's diet is like.'. Me - 'Are you making a non-vegan cake?'. Her . 'No I just wanted to make something everybody could eat.'.

Me . 'You're the only vegan who will be at the party.'. Her . 'You don't know that, other parents could be too.'. Me - 'But none of the kids are.'. Her - 'So what? I'm going to be at the party too.' Me - 'Right, but it's not your party and you're not a guest. You forcing everybody to eat vegan when it's not your birthday is extremely selfish.'

This turned into a fight. I'm an a**hole, she's disconnected and selfish. She refuses to see how her refusing to make anything not vegan for our child's birthday isn't insane. Finally she told me that I should make the f**king cake and stormed out of the room and refuses to talk to me. She's set up shop in the guest room and I'm sleeping alone tonight.

I'll admit to saying petty s**t as she walked away. 'Can you even hear yourself? 'Hey kids, the only cake is vegan, there are no alternatives. I'm not forcing veganism on you, but if you don't choose the vegan option then you get nothing. Happy birthday son.'' I will make the cake, I don't have a problem with that.

ADVERTISEMENT

I'm not half as talented but I've done it before and I'll do my best. My son is starting kindergarten in the fall, I know he's nervous and I want him to feel confident and excited with all his friends around him.. AITA for telling my wife she's selfish for refusing to make our son a non-vegan birthday cake?

Edit: Seeing all of the responses to this post has made me take a hard look at my position. I still think it's dumb that she is refusing to consider a non-vegan cake, but all year our kids have gone to birthday parties and she's had to stand quietly aside, eating nothing, having no cake. I understand how ostracized she has felt and she just wants to be included.

ADVERTISEMENT

I'm going to apologize to her and help her make the best vegan cake as best I can. I'll make a non-vegan to go with it, it won't be good but it'll be there. I love my wife and this isn't the hill I want to die on. Say what you want, but to me this is a NAH situation. Thanks for helping me come to my senses.

This birthday cake battle highlights the delicate dance of honoring personal values while parenting together. As the husband and wife spar over veganism, their conflict reflects a broader challenge: balancing individual beliefs with family unity.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Jane Bluestein, an expert in family dynamics, notes, “When parents have differing values, open communication and mutual respect are key to finding solutions that prioritize the child’s experience” (source: Parenting with Respect). Here, the wife’s push for a vegan cake stems from her desire to feel included, while the husband prioritizes their son’s preferences. Both perspectives are valid, but the delivery—calling her “selfish”—escalated the conflict unnecessarily.

This situation mirrors a larger societal trend: navigating dietary differences in social settings. A 2023 survey by YouGov found that 6% of Americans follow a vegan or vegetarian diet, often facing challenges at gatherings where food is central (source: YouGov Diet Survey). The wife’s choice to make a vegan cake reflects an attempt to create an inclusive environment, but her refusal to offer a non-vegan option risks alienating others.

ADVERTISEMENT

To move forward, the couple could compromise by offering both a vegan and a non-vegan cake, ensuring everyone feels valued. Open dialogue, as Dr. Bluestein suggests, would help them align on their son’s special day without letting personal principles overshadow the celebration.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of spicy takes and thoughtful insights. Here’s what they had to say, with all the candor and humor you’d expect from the internet’s peanut gallery:

[Reddit User] − NTA- *My wife and I agreed that, while veganism is the right way for ethically conscious adults, it currently does not meet the nutritional needs of growing children. She is making it for herself or to show off to the other parents that she made a vegan cake

ADVERTISEMENT

ArrayToGo − YTA 1. It's a cake. It's not gonna be the epitome of nutrition in the first place. The cake just doesn't have egg and uses milk substitute. 2. She's not imposing veganism. That's like saying if someone who is vegetarian hosts a party they have to cook meat. Or Jews and Muslims have to cook pork. If she's the host, then she chooses what to make.

3. There are plenty of good vegan recipes out there. This just might not be one of them. I have an awesome one for blondie brownies. EDIT: to clarify, the judgement is for how OP acted toward his wife, not the food preferences. I'm pointing out that his behavior is silly because this is a silly argument.

graywisteria − YTA, mostly for phrasing this as your wife being 'selfish'. She's not. She's just trying to make something everyone (including her) can enjoy. It's not going to kill your kids (or anyone else) to eat one vegan cake.

ADVERTISEMENT

You should have just offered to make a second cake (as in YOU bake it yourself, or buy it) *from the get-go* instead of insulting your poor wife. I don't know how she values things exactly, but if someone I loved called me 'selfish' I'd feel pretty hurt.. Besides, two cakes is always better than one, right?

amazzan − YTA - vegan cake can be for everyone. it's just one cake, it's not like your wife is forcing a whole lifestyle on anyone for their whole lives. why not have a cake that everyone can eat? I am not vegan, but sometimes I eat vegan bc I have sensitivity to dairy. the vegan cake is inclusive of everyone, and it's nice that she was trying to work hard to make it just right. your weird fear of the vegan cake was rude.

[Reddit User] − YTA for sure. Your wife is volunteering to cook numerous cakes (which you get to taste test) until she can make one that tastes good. Your wife is also level headed enough to not make your children vegan and you couldn’t just give her this moment?

ADVERTISEMENT

If the cake tastes good, why does anything else matter? Plus, cake is garbage nutritionally and kids eat it all the time since birthdays happen all the time. Her vegan cake is probably not a bad thing. Plus, what if there does happen to be even 1 kid who is vegan and then he/she wouldn’t get to eat cake at all.

Mystery_Substance − NTA. But she could make some vegan cupcakes for herself and any others who want them. You have the right idea about making the cake if you want it to be non-vegan. There's been a few on this board who have had veganism forced on them,

and sometimes the parents are really strict (eg see the post about the mom who grounded her kid for ordering pepperoni pizza because their rules were no non-vegan food in the house - they can order take out but not eat it at home). Kids who have veganism forced on them tend to scoff down meat when they can.

ADVERTISEMENT

wigglebuttbiscuits − YTA. Jesus Christ dude, take several chill pills. Giving kids a vegan cake isn’t child abuse. They probably won’t even notice. And as you eventually realized, you have the ability and right to make a cake on your own or even buy one if you’re so certain that vegan cake will be the death of all birthday joy.

wambam821 − YTA. It’s just a cake. Your wife has clearly been very respectful of making her vegan diet only hers. She’s making a cake and wants it to be something she can eat. Really not that big of a deal. Plenty of stuff tastes perfectly fine even when vegan, and clearly she’s experimenting to make one. Who knows, maybe there’s a kid with an egg allergy and they may actually get to have some. You’re making too big a deal out of this.

YourFriendlySpidy − Yta. Do you hear *your*self. You forcing everybody to eat vegan. Do your kids never eat fruit? Because obviously those are vegan, so feeding them fruit would be forcing them to be vegan. You never have meals that just don't have meat in because that's the way they are?

ADVERTISEMENT

Because if you do then your forcing your kids to be vegetarian.. Ever give your kids chocolate? That's forcing vegetarianism on them too. Hell if she makes a normal cake there's no meat in that, if she makes a normal cake then she's forcing vegetarianism on them..

Clearly the only solution is to have your kids cake be a meat loaf. One treat that is vegan isn't the same as forcing someone to be vegan. You wife agreed to make a cake, and she is. In fact she's taking extra time and care to try out recipes to be extra sure the cake is great..

You want a specific type of cake? Make it yourself. I'm sure you're capable of making a meat loaf. This is not a n-a-h situation. This is a yta situation for being rude and snarky over a damn cake that she doesn't have have to take the time to make.

ADVERTISEMENT

alaskan_sloth − YTA. It's a f**king cake. Also there could be other dietary restrictions at the party. Chill out.

These Reddit hot takes range from fiery to forgiving, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the truth lies in a slice of both cakes—vegan and non-vegan.

This cake conundrum shows how quickly a simple choice can whip up a storm of emotions. The husband’s frustration and the wife’s resolve highlight the messy beauty of blending personal values with family life. In the end, the dad’s plan to bake a non-vegan cake alongside his wife’s vegan creation might just save the party. What would you do if you were caught in this culinary clash? Share your thoughts—would you pick a side or bake your way to peace?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *