AITA for telling my wife she can’t quit her job?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a creaky farmhouse at dawn, where one man hauls firewood, feeds horses, and mows endless acres before his second job’s shift begins. That’s the life of a husband stretched thin, caught in a whirlwind of his wife’s big dreams—a sprawling property, pets galore, and now a wish to quit her job. With a toddler and another baby on the way, he’s drowning in chores and overtime, yet his blunt “no” to her plan has her crying foul.

This isn’t just about a paycheck; it’s a tug-of-war over fairness and promises made. Five years into marriage, their deal for dual incomes feels like a distant memory as he shoulders the load alone. When she accuses him of neglecting family, he wonders if he’s the villain or just a man at his limit. Reddit’s diving into this domestic drama, and the stakes couldn’t be higher.

‘AITA for telling my wife she can’t quit her job?’

My wife and I have been married for five years, we have a 2yo, and another child on the way. My wife just recently hit me with the idea that she wants to quit her job after the baby comes, and I told her I don't think that's possible. Admittedly, I kind of just rejected the idea immediately, which pissed her off, but that's because I'm already feeling a bit o**rwhelmed.

For context, when we got married, my wife insisted that we buy a big house with a lot of property. She also insisted that we get two dogs and three horses against my judgement. The house was expensive and the understanding was that my wife was going to work full time.

Since the birth of our first, she dropped down to part time (3 days per week) and has thrust basically everything else on me. I do all the lawn care for our huge peoperty, it takes me 7+ hours per week, care for the three horses she wanted, take care of the dogs, do the laundry, clean the house, do the dishes, take out the garbage, cook 75% of the meals,

do all the house-related projects (we live in an old farmhouse because that's what my wife wanted and the projects never end - I spend every weekend fixing something), split the firewood, fix the barn, maintain the cars, and read to our child every night so my wife can have some alone time.

To pay for my wife to drop down to part-time, I took on a second job and some weeks work 14-hour days. Honestly, I'm tired, but my wife's suggestion was that I could just pick up a couple more hours of overtime at my first job (it does pay really well because my boss likes me) so she could just quit her job. Now she says I don't care about our family because I told her she can't quit.. AITA and need to just man up and make this happen?

Marriage thrives on teamwork, but this couple’s playbook seems lopsided, with one spouse running on fumes. The husband’s flat-out refusal to let his wife quit her job stems from a brutal reality: he’s already maxed out, juggling two jobs and a farmhouse’s endless demands. Her push to become a stay-at-home mom, while understandable with a second child coming, ignores their original pact—and his breaking point.

She sees freedom in quitting; he sees more overtime to keep their costly lifestyle afloat. Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman notes, “Unmet expectations breed resentment, especially when financial roles shift without agreement” (5 Love Languages, 2024). Chapman’s insight nails it: the husband’s not dismissing family—he’s pleading for balance. Her part-time shift already tipped the scales, leaving him to manage horses, dogs, and chores she championed.

This clash mirrors a wider trend: financial stress fractures 54% of marriages, per a 2023 Ramsey Solutions study (Ramsey Solutions, 2023). The wife’s vision—big house, animals—demands dual effort, not his solo sprint.

Dr. Chapman suggests a budget summit: list expenses, explore cuts (sell horses?), and split chores evenly. The husband could propose a trial—her quitting if they downsize first. Readers, ever faced a partner’s dream outpacing reality? Share your story below.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s got a knack for cutting through marital fog, and this overworked husband’s tale brought out some fiery takes. Here’s the crowd’s verdict, with a pinch of spice These Reddit nuggets beg the question: is downsizing the key, or is this couple due for a bigger heart-to-heart?

tictactoss − NTA. She can be a stay at home mom if she can figure out how to do that on your ONE main income (no second job). So suggest downsizing the big farmhouse, sell the horses, and move into a nice modest sub 1500 SF ranch house with a small yard that requires no upkeep.

If she wants to live on a single income, then she has to live within that budget. You should not be working your main job, a second job, and then another part to full time maintenance job at home when your agreement was she would be contributing financially to this lifestyle.

Sebscreen − NTA. Why haven't you reacted more strongly? You work two jobs, got overruled by her in making expensive purchases that are require massive ongoing commitment, and do the majority of household chores while she works 0.5 jobs. Not only were you correct to refuse her quitting entirely, you need to establish a more fair division of labour like yesterday.

cressidacole − Tell her she can definitely stop working outside of the home. Ask her when the best day is to see a realtor about putting the house on the market, if the horses can be sold or only given away as paddock mates, tell her you're giving notice on your second job, and write a list of household chores and maintenance tasks to divvy up between you now that she's a FT SAHM, albeit in a smaller home.

extinct_diplodocus − NTA. You just need to lay out what you need to do to be able to afford your wife quitting. E.g.: sell the horses, sell the house, move into something smaller and more affordable. She needs to finally realize that her choices have consequences.. Really, you should have done some of this cutting back once she moved to part-time work.

Over-Ad-6555 − NTA. Sell the horses, that's an instant saving of $1000 per week. Old farm houses are wonderful, when you have the time and money to fix them. What's your wife going to do when you have a heart attack from the stress you're under and can't work?, or if you finally decide you've had enough and want a divorce? Everyone has a breaking point and you sound like you're reaching yours.

bigfatkitty2006 − NTA. I'd tell your wife that if she wants to quit her job xyz need to happen (selling horses, downsizing houses). I think she saw you as a blank check and reduced her income as she saw fit.

NumbersGuy22 − OP your wife needs to quit looking at those trad wife TikTok videos and start seeing what you can get rid of that is actually costing that can be sold or reduced to help relieve you because I doubt that you have enough life insurance on yourself to cover everything for very long if something happens to you. It's time to sit down and knock out a realistic budget and stick to it, because otherwise you're going to end up losing everything if you're not careful.

AggrievedGoose − NTA Sounds like you have been letting her tell you what to do instead of coming to agreements about what to do. You already have a huge property, 2 dogs and three horses against your judgment.

Sounds like you have a problem with your marriage that is bigger than the decision about how many hours your wife will work. I wouldn't say you have to

beswangled − NTA, I would sit your wife down for a come-to-Jesus conversation and let her know that if she wants to quit the non-negotiables will be selling the horses, downsizing and having her take over 50-75% of the cooking and housework.

All that is too much for one person to carry and the unequal distribution of labor is something most housewives are no stranger to. Your life together has to be a partnership with both sides pulling their weight or it won't work.

JurassicParkFood − NTA - but it's time for you to stop going along with her bad ideas. You can't afford the house, animals, and sahm lifestyle while you work yourself to a dangerous level.

This husband’s stand against his wife quitting her job isn’t about control—it’s a cry for partnership in a life teetering on collapse. Their farmhouse dream, once shared, now rests on his weary shoulders, exposing cracks in trust and teamwork. Can they trim the excess—horses, house, or expectations—to find balance? If you were in his boots, how would you redraw the lines? Drop your thoughts—let’s unpack this marital maze together!

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