AITA for telling my travel friends they can leave the group but I’ll be staying?

A 28-year-old woman backpacking through Thailand found herself in a sticky situation when two travel buddies tried to vote her out of their group. Their reason? Her laid-back vibe and habit of showing up a few minutes late didn’t mesh with their Type-A planning. Talk about a plot twist in paradise!

This story blew up on social media, with the woman wondering if she was wrong for standing her ground and telling her friends to leave if they were so bothered. The online crowd had plenty to say, from cheering her on to calling her out. Let’s unpack this travel tale and see what it reveals about group dynamics on the road.

‘AITA for telling my travel friends they can leave the group but I’ll be staying?’

The adventure kicked off with a promising new trio.

I (28F) have been backpacking through South East Asia for a few months now, and specifically Thailand for the last month or so.

At the beginning of the Thailand part of my trip, I met two other solo travellers in my hostel who seemed like good vibes, and we all ended up sticking...

Differences in their approaches to travel started to surface.

However, as time went on, it turns out they have a bit of a different travel style to me, and are both quite 'type A' people, where I'm much more...

I didn't think it was a problem -- I'd just let them make the plans cos they cared more than I did, and I just vibed along for the ride.I...

Also, in all honesty, who really cares if we leave the hostel 5 minutes later than agreed for dinner or going to the beach? We're chilling in a fun place...

Things took a turn when the original duo confronted her.

Anyway, I thought we were all getting along well, and over the last couple weeks we've added 4 more people to our little team!

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That was until yesterday, when the original two sat me down and told me they don't want to travel with me any more because it's irritating that I never contribute...

I told them that I would've been happy to compromise if I knew they were upset, and that I genuinely thought me not contributing to plans was making everything go...

Regardless, if that's how they felt, I told them that it's sad but it's cool and I won't take it personally if they go do their own thing

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The conflict escalated when both sides refused to budge.

This is where the conflict comes in. They told me that they really like the group dynamic with the other 4 people we found, so they'd prefer if I was...

I told them I like travelling with the others too, and they're the ones with an issue, not me, so I won't be doing that

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When two travel buddies try to “vote” someone out of a group, is it fair play or just a power move gone wrong?

This woman’s story shines a light on the challenges of group travel. Her relaxed, go-with-the-flow attitude clashed with her friends’ need for structure, leading to friction. Psychologist John Gottman emphasizes, “Open communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflicts, especially when personalities differ” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 2015). The lack of early discussions about expectations set the stage for this showdown.

Her habit of being 5-10 minutes late, while minor to her, clearly grated on her Type-A companions, who put effort into planning. That said, their decision to push her out without consulting the other four was a misstep—it’s not their group to gatekeep. Her refusal to leave makes sense; she enjoys the group dynamic too.

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This highlights a broader issue: group travel thrives on mutual respect. Being consistently late or not contributing can wear on others, but unilateral decisions aren’t the answer. Clear communication could’ve prevented this mess.

Three Tips for Group Travel:

  1. Set Expectations Early: Discuss travel styles and preferences upfront to avoid surprises.
  2. Respect Everyone’s Time: Even small delays can disrupt plans, so aim to be punctual.
  3. Involve the Whole Group: When conflicts arise, let everyone have a say instead of letting a few decide.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The online crowd dove into this drama with gusto, offering support, criticism, and a few laughs along the way.

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Some users cheered her for standing her ground, arguing the duo’s attempt to kick her out was unfair.

Lainy122 − NTA. Easy fix, check in with the other new people and see if they feel the same way as your Type A's. If yes, no drama, bounce and...

To be honest though, I doubt it's about you or your behaviour. They could just be looking to even out numbers, either for sexy reasons or simply for logistics -...

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Travelling is built for even numbers, and often places refuse to accommodate an extra person. I say this as I just spent a month travelling as a 3 - nearly...

RealisticAd3559 − OH MY GOSH, definitely NTA. I am also currently traveling in Southeast Asia. I met a group of friends I was traveling with. We all had different personalities...

These people suck (why the formal meeting to get you voted off the island? This isn’t survivor), they’re doing you a favor. Enjoy your solo travels - you’ll meet new...

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You couldn’t pay me to travel with such snooty people. I’ve met up with several friends on this trip and we’ve eventually gone our separate ways - before conflict could...

Others weren’t so forgiving, pointing out that her tardiness and lack of effort were disrespectful.

Professor-Certain − YTA, being constantly late is inconsiderate to other people, because you don't plan anything you also don't know the effort they might or might not have put in...

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I think there's probably a lot more going on here that your post doesn't mention, did 10 minutes ever become 30 minutes late? Did you almost miss something because you...

StuffNThings100 − YTA. Don't be surprised if the entire group leave without you the next time you're late.

DistinctNewspaper791 − Im gonna go with YTA. You claim they are Type A and wanted to do the plans which apparently is not the case. By saying they are Type...

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That can delay plans for an hour. Why spent an extra hour at the hostel when you can spend it in the beach? You contribute to nothing and they are...

meekonesfade − YTA. They made all the plans and you didnt respect their time and effort by making them wait around for you. Now that the group is larger, you...

Some saw fault on both sides, urging better communication to resolve the tension.

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triciamilitia − I’ve been in their position, having a random tag along and not contribute ideas or inspiration about what to do is a drag.

DgShwgrl − Uhm, this is not a hard one. You three (you and 2 As) have one last meal together with the whole gang. Be honest with them and let...

After this accommodation block we are going to go separate ways. We all love the group vibe and none of us want to lose you as a group! So, from...

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As will tell you what they are thinking. Tomorrow, no pressure, but would you mind letting all three of us know if you want to come with me, or them,...

Regular-Message9591 − ESH. Type A people care if someone is regularly 5-10 minutes late, especially if they're the ones who put in the time and effort to make the plans.

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So you're the AH there. With that said, it's up to the 4 other people who they'd like to travel with, so they're the AHs for trying to kick you...

genZhippie − Kind of leaning ESH. .. Sounds like they could have communicated earlier the desire for you to contribute to plans more. I think you could also work on...

Has your disorganization resulted in any other problems outside of just being late? Do you forget necessary items for plans and cause extra stops to get things/have to borrow their...

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However, they could have also communicated that it bothers them how you are always late. I would still be curious on the opinion of the others. You can maybe still...

I would apologize for the misunderstandings amongst y'all, and ask if you guys can all try and work on communication for when ill feelings pop up. Say you have enjoyed...

(That can be a big annoyance with being the main planner- sometimes you don't need more ideas from others as much as just appreciation!

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A lot of time DOES go into planning while you relax on the hostel hammock and reap the benefits) Then determine if they would like for you to contribute more...

15021993 − YTA Or e s h not sure. But having a person who’s constantly late and never plans is dragging the mood down. However, y’all are traveling and not...

The other people need to be asked who they want to hang out with. And tbh it’s not like y’all own these people, sometimes you hang out and sometimes you...

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sjw_7 − ESH They don't get to kick you out. Its not their group and they don't get to gatekeep if you travel with or do things with the other...

If they dont want to travel with you anymore then thats up to them but they dont get to decide on the other fours behalf. However you are also an...

It happens to all of us from time to time but if you say you will be somewhere by a certain time then do everything you can to be there...

Its not just you thats late it becomes everyones problem and can have knock on effects like losing your table at a restaurant or paying more for a taxi because...

Friendships are a two way thing and it seems like you are freeloading and letting them do all the work. And when they do you are disrupting them by being...

A couple of users lightened the mood with witty takes and creative solutions.

shontsu − Weird how these "others" aren't allowed the agency to make their own choice about who to hang out with.

bit0n − YTA to me the minute you said being late is not an issue no way my brain can handle that. But if you’re happy to drop out and...

Only option that matters though is the other 4 people. Sit them down let them know your quirks and the quirks of the other two see what they say. Maybe...

From rooting for her free-spirited vibe to calling out her tardiness, the online community offered a mix of perspectives, underscoring the importance of communication and respect in group travel.

The woman faced a tough call when her travel buddies asked her to leave the group over her laid-back style and tardiness, but she held firm, insisting they should go if they’re unhappy. Social media split on the issue: some backed her for standing up for herself, while others felt her lack of punctuality and contribution was inconsiderate. A few suggested open communication to sort it out.

Group travel thrives on balancing individual freedom with collective respect. Talking openly about expectations can prevent conflicts from snowballing. Being on time and pitching in show you value your travel mates. Have you ever clashed with friends on a group trip? How do you balance personal travel styles with group needs? Share your stories below!

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