AITA for telling my stepmom she’s right when she accused me of not respecting her grief?

In the quiet aftermath of a young girl’s loss, the world felt heavy as she sat, 8 years old, grappling with her mom’s death. Enter her new stepmom, bursting with enthusiasm to “bring happiness back,” urging the girl to erase her grief. The clash was instant—her pushy optimism met a child’s raw pain, sparking years of tension.

Now, at 15, the girl faces her stepmom’s grief over her own mother’s passing, but old wounds resurface. With a sharp tongue and unyielding resolve, she turns the tables, reflecting the same dismissal she once endured. This story of unresolved grief and family friction unfolds in a raw, emotional showdown.

‘AITA for telling my stepmom she’s right when she accused me of not respecting her grief?’

My dad got remarried after my mom died. I (15f) was 8. She was very excited to meet me. I was way less excited. Like not excited at all. My mom was dead less than two years and I knew she and my dad were talking about getting married. I hated it. I didn't get why dad was doing all that so quickly and why they had to get married at all.

ADVERTISEMENT

I said it in front of her when dad told me I shouldn't 'look so down' and she told me I should wipe all that sadness from my memory because she was here now and she'd bring the happiness back and 'make me forget all about what made me sad'. Dad was like omg and he told her how bad that sounded.

I refused to let her touch me when she tried to apologize and I told her to leave me alone. She talked to me alone a few days after that and told me I could at least try. That dad wasn't sad anymore because of her so I could be too. I told her she couldn't make me forget my mom died. She told me I never gave her the chance to.

I told her I didn't like her and I thought she was a bad person. She was horrified by an 8 year old saying that to her face like I did. But I meant it. I still mean it. She tried so hard to get close to me but I didn't want to get close to her. I was quiet around her. I didn't open up to her or share anything with her.

My dad sent us on this pre-wedding girls day because he wanted me to be closer to her during the wedding (which only happened a few months after I met her). I ignored her the whole day. She got pregnant right after the wedding and she told me I should be celebrating 'all this happy news and this new life' and instead I looked like I wanted to cry.

ADVERTISEMENT

I told her she'd never get what it's like. We had a really rough time during her first pregnancy. She wanted to include me. I wanted nothing to do with her pregnancy. I wanted nothing to do with her. It frustrated us both for different reasons. She told me to leave the past behind and look forward to being someone's sister.

Then she told me most kids would be happy to have a mom again. I brought up the bad person thing again. She didn't try this stuff with her other two pregnancies. But she did always try to make me like her and she tried to 'make me forget'. I don't think kindly of her for that. I have no respect for her. I don't even call her my stepmom.

That's respectful and I don't want to be respectful to her. Her mom died not too long ago. She had a really hard time. I didn't care and I didn't try to comfort her or offer any sympathy or kind words. I have none for her. She confronted me on it and I told her she'd forget about it eventually.

ADVERTISEMENT

She accused me of disrespect and then said I'm not being respectful of her grief. I told her she's right. She was never respectful of my grief so I won't be respectful of her grief either. I told her she can wait for her dad to find the woman who'll make her forget. She called me heartless. She said I should care enough about her to not say that. I told her I never cared about her.. AITA?

This family clash reveals the delicate dance of grief and blended family dynamics. The teen’s refusal to comfort her stepmom mirrors the dismissal she felt as a grieving 8-year-old. Dr. Kenneth Doka, a grief counseling expert, notes, “Grief in children is often misunderstood; expecting them to ‘move on’ can deepen their pain.” His insight highlights the stepmom’s misstep in urging the girl to forget her mom, ignoring her need to mourn.

ADVERTISEMENT

The stepmom, likely aiming to build a bond, saw herself as a source of joy, but her approach clashed with the girl’s raw grief. This reflects a broader issue: stepparents often struggle to navigate a child’s loyalty to a deceased parent. Studies show 60% of children in blended families feel pressure to accept new parental figures, which can breed resentment. The stepmom’s insistence on “forgetting” alienated the girl, while the dad’s failure to mediate deepened the rift.

Doka’s perspective applies here: validating a child’s grief fosters trust. The teen’s sharp retort—telling her stepmom to “forget” her own grief—was a pointed echo of past insensitivity. For others in similar situations, acknowledging a child’s loss without rushing closure is key. Stepparents can build trust by listening, not replacing.

ADVERTISEMENT

The teen might benefit from journaling her feelings or seeking a neutral mediator, like a counselor, to express her pain. This story underscores the need for empathy in blended families. How can stepparents honor a child’s grief while forging new bonds?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery support and clever quips that cut through the family drama like a sharp knife. Here’s what they had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - Omg, if stepgramps does move on, bond with that woman heavily lol.

Direct_Way6402 - You, a teenager, are merely enacting the behavior she showed you when you were 8. And if she's like 'I knew my mom for my whole life' just say to her 'And I had known my mom for all of mine when we had met, and *you* told me to forget her to make yourself more comfortable, never acknowledging my grief.

ADVERTISEMENT

Now, I've simply learned, from you, that I never need to acknowledge yours.' Your dad also kind of sucks for not reigning her in all these years, or doing some form of family or individual counseling.. Overall, you are NTA, OP.

PumpkinPowerful3292 - NTA You nailed it. There is nothing more to be said then what you have already said. I applaud you for your maturity and wisdom. You are a much better person than these two. Please don't ever change.

ADVERTISEMENT

kageyama1009 - NTA she never really tried understanding your feelings and your emotions during that time, bonding is something where you share the happy parts as well as the sad ones. If she really wanted to bond with you she should have tried making you go through that phase rather than trying to make you forget about it.

Educational-Yam-682 - NTA. I truly don’t understand people going into a situation thinking they will be an instant parent. Dead parent or not, it’s deeply disrespectful. You build that bond with your children the moment they’re born and a stranger waltzes in without putting in the hard work and expect the same results. If you did that at a job, you would be laughed out. Why is it so different with children?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - Oh s**t. I can't judge this, because it's f**king hilarious. I'm no longer unbiased lol

VerticleMechanic - So if my wife dies and I'm on the market again, first awkward, second if you don't get along swimmingly with my kids you get to pound sand. My kids are and will always be my priority. I will always side with my kid in an honest exchange. If my kids don't like you or my dog doesn't like you, bye Felicia.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA. You are using her own words against her, remind her that is what she said to you.

Puzzled-Atmosphere-1 - NTA I love adults who don’t validate or respect how kids feel when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient but boy when that kid dares to return the same treatment, suddenly it’s like the worst behavior they’ve ever experienced.

Magmosi - NTA, MAD props to you for not folding or getting guilted into thinking you’re the ah! Y’all stood your ground and went “I could give two shits about you!” BADASS!!!

These bold Reddit takes pack a punch, but do they capture the full complexity of grief and family ties?

ADVERTISEMENT

This teen’s standoff with her stepmom lays bare the lasting sting of unacknowledged grief in a blended family. Her sharp words reflect years of feeling dismissed, raising questions about empathy and healing. How do families navigate grief when new bonds form too soon? If you were in this teen’s shoes, how would you handle a stepparent’s push to “move on”? Share your experiences—let’s explore how to foster understanding in families where past and present collide.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *