AITA for telling my step and half siblings I am not part of their family?

In a small apartment buzzing with the promise of independence, an 18-year-old man carves out a new life, haunted by the shadow of his mother’s death eight years ago. His father’s rapid remarriage and erasure of his mother’s memory left deep scars, and now, an unexpected family intrusion reignites old wounds. When he declares his stepmother and her kids aren’t his family, he stirs hurt feelings and his father’s wrath, exposing a raw divide.

This Reddit tale unfolds like a poignant drama, blending grief, loyalty, and the struggle for autonomy. The young man’s stand to protect his boundaries clashes with his father’s vision of a blended family, leaving readers to ponder: can you reject a family forced upon you without being the bad guy? Let’s dive in.

‘AITA for telling my step and half siblings I am not part of their family?’

Here's the deal. I'm 18m. I turned 18 in March and I crashed at a friends place rather than stay at my dad's house. I'm starting to kinda get on my feet, got a place with my friend and we split rent and we are working on our futures together. I have two younger sisters who are 16 and 15.

They still live with our father. I do not speak to our father anymore. I have decided once my sisters are out of his house I won't have anything to do with him again. Right now I do have to accept the fact I might hear from him when I speak to my sisters or anything. My father is married to Sarah.

Sarah has a 12 year old and a 9 year old from her ex. She and my dad have a 7 year old and 6 year old together. My mom died when I was 10... and I think you can figure s**t out pretty easily. He met Sarah four weeks after mom died. She got pregnant so they got married and all this happened within the first six months.

I hate my dad for it. I HATE him for forcing my sisters and I to move so fast after our mom died. Suddenly there was this woman trying to parent us and her kids we were supposed to love on and treat like family. I don't care how sad he was, how much he needed a partner, he had turned our lives upside down with no regard for how hard it would be on us, and our mom was hardly cold in the ground.

Then he tore her presence down from the house. All her clothes were donated, her books were thrown in the trash, her photos, well, I had to find a way to steal those back and take them because they were also put in the trash pile. I kept her favorite perfume and her necklaces for my sisters.

They were stashed somewhere by me otherwise they were all gone. My father still has no idea they still exist. I do not consider Sarah or her kids (any of them) my family. The kids are people who were thrown into the mess so no hate, but blood isn't enough for me either. We are just not ever going to be family. I want no part of the life my father has created.

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My sisters stopped by to see me a couple of weeks ago. My sisters and I ended up going out for pizza and then our father showed up with Sarah and the other kids and invited themselves to sit with us. He said the real family time could begin. I said it had already started. His oldest stepkid said it couldn't start without the whole family. I said I wasn't part of their family.

My words hurt the kids. My father has been on my ass ever since about being an a**hole... I still hate him but I get that the kids are innocent so AITA? Also, in case it gets asked, my sisters told me our father essentially tracked them down via their phones and saw they were together so realized we were likely hanging out and he didn't like it.

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Rejecting a forced family dynamic can feel like reclaiming your own story, but it’s a gut-punch when innocent kids get caught in the crossfire. The OP’s refusal to embrace his stepmother and her children as family stems from his father’s callous actions—remarrying mere weeks after his mother’s death and discarding her memory. His pain is raw, and his declaration, though harsh, reflects a need to protect his emotional space.

The father’s rush to create a new family ignored his children’s grief, creating resentment. The stepkids, unaware of this history, feel rejected, but the OP’s stance isn’t about them—it’s about his father’s betrayal. As grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “Unprocessed grief can manifest as anger or withdrawal, especially when a surviving parent moves on too quickly.” A 2018 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 65% of children in blended families struggle with loyalty conflicts when a parent remarries within a year of loss.

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The OP’s sisters, still tied to their father’s home, highlight the complexity—maintaining contact risks unwanted family encounters. Dr. Wolfelt suggests open communication to process grief, advising the OP to calmly share his feelings with his father, focusing on his pain rather than blame. Setting boundaries, like meeting sisters elsewhere, could help.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s bringing the heat with takes as raw as this family feud! Here’s what the community had to say:

bradjanetrocky − NTA and that is very creepy. He's trying so hard to force all of his kids to get along and that never ends up well for anyone. The fact that he's so quickly moved on from your mom and got rid of every trace of her is so sad.

I'm glad you were able to save some of her things and hide them away from him. Continue to be there for your sisters until they are out of the house and then you would be free to go no contact if you wanted and I would not blame you for that.

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jimmap − nta. ask your dad where his sensitivity and compassion was when he threw your moms stuff and photos out. tell him you learned from the best

Electronic_Lock325 − NTA. Your father gave you no time to grieve. I can't believe he actually threw out pictures of your mom. That's horrible. Instead of quickly finding another woman to basically replace your mom, he should've grieved with you and your sisters. I hope you have other family members like grandparents and aunts to turn to.

Minute_Box3852 − Nta. Does your father know how you feel? Honestly, I would be brutally honest. What they did isn't ok. And the kicker of them throwing out all of your mom's things is disgusting. 4 weeks? Pathetic.

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LouisV25 − NTA. I wish people would learn that you cannot make an instant family. Becoming family takes time, respect, patience and love. You’ll never get there if you try to erase the memory of a deceased parent.. The number of kids in your position that hate the step/halves and resent their parent is astronomical.

Please take care of yourself and your sisters. Try to get counseling so you can work through the grief of your mother and the situation that your father put you in. Do it for you even if you go NC with your father and his family.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Also I don't like it, that your father is tracking your sisters phones.. Someone will wake up in a few years and notice, that he lost 3 daughters.

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HeimrekHringariki − Absolutely NTA. 'My mom died when I was 10... and I think you can figure s**t out pretty easily.He met Sarah four weeks after mom died. She got pregnant so they got married and all this happened within the first six months.' \- Damn, that is so twisted.. I refuse to believe he met her just 4 weeks after... It's like he was prepared to let go of your mom in advance... Stay the heck away from him.

CaroThatMe − NTA. The way the dad handled the situation is horrifying. Grieving is extremely important and he just decided to take that away from you and your sisters to accommodate his new partner. Horrible. That being said, although the kids might have felt bad when you told them that they weren't your family and they are indeed innocent in the situation, it is better to have things clear and out in the open.

ThinkingIsNotACrime − The fact that he traced two teenage sisters to prevent them from spending any time together is truly scary here. NTA. Help them get to independence if you can and then you can forget this weird sperm donor.

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[Reddit User] − NTA your feelings are valid and cannot be dismissed by anyone. Next time when out with your sisters, have them turn off their phones so as not to be disturbed. Later when those other kids are older you can tell them why you feel the way you do as they are innocent bystanders here too.

As an adult, you do not have to listen to your father, so the next time he calls or you’re together, have a nice calm conversation (meaning no yelling even if he does) and tell him exactly what you said here. If he still e doesn’t get it, then you have the ability and right to cease all communication and interactions. Good luck to you.

These spicy opinions cut deep, but do they see the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames of this emotional standoff?

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This saga of a young man rejecting his father’s new family is a heart-wrenching clash of grief and boundaries. His stand, born from betrayal and loss, protects his heart but stings innocent step-siblings. It’s a reminder that family isn’t just blood—it’s trust, respect, and time. How would you handle a parent who erased your past to build a new future? Share your thoughts—what’s the toughest family boundary you’ve had to set?

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