AITA for telling my son that he doesn’t have to drink the milk after eating his cereal at his friend’s house?

A cozy sleepover at a friend’s house, filled with laughter and games, takes an unexpected turn over a bowl of cereal. Ten-year-old Trevor, thrilled to spend time with his best friend Armin, dreads the morning ritual where Armin’s father insists he drink every drop of leftover milk. The simple act, rooted in cultural or personal values, feels like a mountain to Trevor, who finds it unpalatable. His father, hoping to empower him, steps into a parenting minefield with one piece of advice.

When Trevor stands his ground, refusing the milk, the breakfast table becomes a battleground. A heated call from Armin’s father and an angry reaction from Trevor’s mother reveal a clash of values, leaving the father questioning his approach. This Reddit story dives into the messy intersection of parenting, cultural differences, and childhood autonomy, inviting readers to weigh in on where respect and independence collide.

‘AITA for telling my son that he doesn’t have to drink the milk after eating his cereal at his friend’s house?’

My son Trevor [10] has a best friend in the same grade as him, Armin [10]. Armin's parents are from Iran and he is a second-generation American. Their house and home culture are quite different from our own, but I always thought that was a good experience for Trevor to visit. He really enjoys playing with Armin at his house so he goes there often.

The one thing that gives Trevor anxiety about having a sleepover with Armin is that after eating cereal in the morning, Armin's father always makes Trevor drink the milk from his bowl. Trevor hates this. His mother (we're separated) has guessed that Armin's parents might have faced food insecurity in the past or it may be from their home culture,

but all we know is that Armin's father is incredibly insistent on this and will not let a bowl go to the sink with anything left in it. Over the weekend Armin had a small birthday party, and Trevor was getting anxious about breakfast the next morning. I told him that he didn't have to drink the milk if he didn't want to.

He asked what he should do about Armin's father, so I responded that he should hold his ground and just refuse. There is realistically nothing Armin's father could do to force him to drink the milk, so just drive the point home: no. Trevor held his ground the next morning.

I got a call from Armin's father at around 11am that started off nice enough until I told him I was the one that said Trevor didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do. This led to a short argument where Armin's father said it was bad manners. This led to me going to pick him up.

Now Trevor's mother is furious at me. Armin's father is too. I honestly just think teaching a child to be able to say 'no' to something he/she doesn't want to do is fine, but I'm kind of alone on this. Did I step out of line here or has everyone else just completely missed the mark? 

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This story highlights a delicate balance between respecting cultural norms and fostering a child’s autonomy. The father’s advice to Trevor to refuse drinking leftover cereal milk was meant to empower him but led to a confrontation with Armin’s father, who views wasting food as disrespectful. This clash likely stems from differing values, possibly tied to Armin’s family’s cultural background or past food insecurity. A 2019 study by the USDA found that food insecurity shapes attitudes toward waste, especially among immigrant families.

Dr. Tovah Klein, a child psychologist, notes, “Teaching children to say ‘no’ is crucial, but adults must model respectful communication”. The father’s approach, while well-intentioned, placed Trevor in a tough spot, facing an adult’s authority alone. A proactive conversation with Armin’s parents could have clarified Trevor’s discomfort, avoiding the public standoff and preserving the boys’ friendship.

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The broader issue here is navigating cultural differences in parenting. Armin’s father’s insistence reflects a value system where food is sacred, while Trevor’s father prioritizes individual choice. Neither is inherently wrong, but communication is key. The father’s failure to address this beforehand left Trevor to handle a complex adult interaction, which could have been mitigated with a simple discussion about serving less milk or an alternative breakfast.

To move forward, the father could apologize to Armin’s parents for the misunderstanding and propose solutions, like Trevor bringing his own breakfast or using minimal milk. This respects both families’ values while keeping the children out of adult disputes.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community had mixed views, agreeing the father was right to support Trevor’s autonomy but criticizing his method. They felt he should have spoken to Armin’s parents directly, sparing Trevor the burden of confronting an adult. Armin’s father was seen as overly rigid for enforcing his rule on a guest, especially over a small amount of milk.

Commenters suggested practical solutions like serving less milk or offering alternative breakfasts, emphasizing that adult communication could have prevented the clash. They stressed that teaching kids to say “no” is important, but parents should handle sensitive cultural or personal differences to avoid putting children in awkward positions.

thecatinthemask - YTA for sending your kid to deal with this on his own instead of talking to Armin's dad about it ahead of time.

[Reddit User] - NTA for not wanting your child forced to do something he doesn't like. But.... YTA for having your already anxious child deal with that alone. What you should have done was call his friends parents beforehand and explained to them he doesn't like it and YOU have decided you don't want him to feel forced to eat/drink something he doesn't want to.

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So you would appreciate it if they let this slide as you would be letting him know this wasn't something he was required to do. Yes there might have been an argument between parents at this point, but it's something you could have kept the kids away from.

Instead it seems to have been a call that likely happened in front of your son, which likely caused more upset for him and resulted in what would seem quite a dramatic exit for the children.

It's absolutely fine to have your own expectations of your children and to want other parents to respect that. But I don't think it was ok to leave it to a 10 year old to face a man you already described as pretty strict and intimidating.

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Noonerlly_00 - ESH here is why…. N T A for telling your son he can say no. But, Y T A for not calling the family yourself to explain so your son doesn’t have to navigate this on his own and/or to come up with solutions with him such as using less milk.

The other father is TA for being furious because that seems completely unreasonable for the relative amount of food waste. It is a good thing to learn to take what we think we will consume rather than allow it to go to waste.

SlipperWheels - ESH. Armins farther for trying to force his personal beliefs on someone elses child. You for having no spine and not speaking to Armins father yourself. What kind if parent expects a 10 year old to fight their own fights against another adult, his friends parent no less.

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ss6171980 - ESH. One of the parents should have spoken to Armin’s parents so the ten year old didn’t have to square off in a battle of wills against a grown man. ETA: Armin’s dad should have also spoken up about why this is an issue and not forced your kid to drink the milk.

OrcEight - ESH - you or your wife should have contacted Armin’s parents ahead of time and let them know ahead of time that Trevor does not like to drink milk.. - Armin’s parents for forcing a young guest to drink milk Except your son — I also like milk in my cereal but will not drink any leftovers. My solution is to only put enough milk to saturate the cereal to ensure there is no extra leftover milk.

Isbistra - ESH, some communication would help. If Armin's parents are first-gen immigrants who have known hardship and food insecurity, insisting on pouring milk down the sink will come across as rude and wasteful. Instead of teaching your child to disrespect other people's house rules when he doesn't like them

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You should've communicated with Armin's parents to take away the root of the problem. Use less milk on his cereal, let Trevor eat something that doesn't involve a bowl of milk at all, *anything*. He's 10, that's old enough to make himself a sandwich in the morning.

You're the AH for flat out telling your kid to say no instead of working with Armin's parents to find a solution. Armin's parents are the AH for continuing to feed him cereal for breakfast instead of something else if they know he's just going to pour away the milk in his bowl.

[Reddit User] - ESH. you needed to speak to the other parents....you sent your kid into fight with other adults....not cool. I agree that he should not have to drink the milk...strange Hill to die on for the other parents but it was an adult conversation to have.

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ThePirateShane - YTA for setting up this ridiculous conflict. If your child says they have a problem with another child’s parent encouraging them to fight an adult is a bad plan. Just text the adult and let them know what’s up and come up with a compromise instead of knowing a conflict will happen doing nothing to avoid it

and tell your kid it’s ok to fight adults in their house on their family rules because you said so, setting this entire thing up. Should the kid be able to not drink the milk, sure. Did you set up conflict instead of telling your child to ask for no or little milk and teach them to communicate instead- absolutely!

firefly232 - ESH only because I think it could have been handled by bringing up the topic beforehand. You know it was an issue. You could have let Trevor bring energy bars, or said he needs less milk so that there's no leftover milk.

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Mainly though, you are right, he doesn't have to eat or drink anything he doesn't want to. Most adult guests would be treated with respect and no comment made on their eating habits (within reason) . Why is this so different for children??. Would you or your partner want to be forced to drink something they don't like?

This tale of cereal and stubbornness serves up a lesson in parenting and cultural sensitivity. The father’s push for his son’s autonomy clashed with another family’s values, turning a simple breakfast into a heated standoff. While Trevor’s right to say “no” matters, a quiet parent-to-parent chat could have kept the peace.

It’s a reminder that kids’ battles often need adult diplomacy. Have you navigated tricky cultural differences in parenting? Share your stories in the comments and join the conversation about balancing respect and independence.

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