AITA for telling my son he needs to get a job if he wants to date his girlfriend?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a bustling high school track field, where a 16-year-old sprints toward the finish line, his heart racing as much from the race as from his new girlfriend cheering in the stands. For this teen, life’s been a whirlwind of sports and young love—until his mom dropped a bombshell: get a job to pay for those fancy dates, or rethink the romance. What started as coffee runs has spiraled into pricey dinners and gifts, leaving Mom’s wallet feeling the pinch.

This Reddit tale pulls us into a classic parenting pickle—balancing responsibility with a teen’s dreams. The mother, once a teen who traded sports for work, wants her son to learn tough choices early. But as he sulks, torn between his girlfriend and his passion for sports, we’re left wondering: is Mom teaching a vital lesson, or pushing too hard?

‘AITA for telling my son he needs to get a job if he wants to date his girlfriend?’

My (43 F) son is sixteen. He loves sports and does a different sport each season. Cross country during fall, wrestling during winter, track and field during spring, and he also does wrestling camp during the summer. He doesn't have a job, and I have never pressured him to. He doesn't have an allowance, but I buy him what he wants within reason.

If he wants new clothes or shoes, I buy them. If he wants to go eat a nice meal at a restaurant, I'll take him. If there's a new movie coming out he wants to go to, I'll take him to it. He recently started dating a girl from his track and field team. I've met her recently, and she seems like a nice girl. I paid for the first couple of dates, but as the relationship has started to get more serious, they've gone on more dates and to more expensive places.

For example, their first date was literally at Starbucks, so I just gave him some money for coffee and a snack. But now he started taking her out to the movies and more expensive restaurants. He also started buying her gifts like chocolates. I've sat my son down and told him that he'll need to get a job so he can pay for his dates if he wants to continue dating his girlfriend and taking her on dates.

He really doesn't want to, as he loves sports and going to a job after school means he wouldn't be able to attend his practices and tournaments. I've tried to negotiate by saying he could get a job on the weekends, but then he said he wouldn't have any time to study or do homework.

I've explained to my son that part of growing up is choosing what's important to you. Does he want to continue doing sports, or dating his girlfriend? I did sports my first year of high school and loved it too. But due to my family's financial situation, I had to start working when I was only 15 years old and never did sports again.

He's pretty mad and been sulking a lot recently. I've talked with some friends and family members about my decisions to make my son get a job if he wants to continue dating, and while some agree, some think I should just pay for my son's dates since I'm risking him resenting me for either making him break up with his girlfriend or making him quit sports. So Reddit, AITA?

Navigating teenage romance while juggling school and sports is no small feat, and this mom’s ultimatum adds a hefty layer of pressure. Her son’s leap from Starbucks dates to upscale restaurants shows he’s eager to impress—but at her expense. She’s trying to teach responsibility, a nod to her own sacrifices as a teen. Yet, her approach feels like a stark either-or: sports or love, with little wiggle room.

The clash highlights a broader issue—teaching teens financial literacy without derailing their growth. A 2021 survey by the National Financial Educators Council found 65% of Gen Z feel unprepared to manage money. Mom’s instinct to push work makes sense, but forcing a choice risks resentment. The son, meanwhile, sees sports as his identity, not just a hobby, and fears losing it.

Financial expert Rachel Cruze advises, “Teens learn best when they control their own budget, even a small one”. Here, an allowance could’ve let the son prioritize—dates, clothes, or saving—without quitting sports. Mom might consider a compromise, like paying for basics but capping date funds, encouraging him to earn extras through chores or odd jobs.

For solutions, Mom could set a monthly budget for “fun” expenses, letting him decide what’s worth it. It’s a low-stakes way to learn trade-offs. Readers, how do you think teens should balance love and ambition? Share your thoughts—this one’s worth a chat!

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit never holds back, and this story stirred up a lively mix of cheers and jeers! Here’s what the community tossed into the ring, with all the sass and wisdom you’d expect:

happybanana134 − INFO: instead of buying your son what he wants (i.e. shoes, clothes) why not give him an allowance and let him learn how to manage his own money? I'm not convinced giving up sports is the answer here.. Edited to add - without info, I'm at YTA because there are better ways of approaching this.

ConsiderationJust999 − Maybe instead of a simple ultimatum, switch to an allowance? Like $40/wk for lunches, clothes, food, dates, whatever. He can then sacrifice other luxuries for dating if he wants.. Also suggest cheap or free date options for him. I will also point out that one option is to do sports, have a gf, have a job and start falling behind at school. You really don't want to set him up for that choice.

Hyperboleiskillingus − Technically NTA but kinda YTA. It sounds like this isn't an issue of your not being able to afford it but you are resentful of the fact that you had to drop sports when you were a teenager and get a job so your son should have to do the same. Why not let your kid have something better than what you had?

Sounds like you've got a great kid. He's active in sports, motivated and doing his school work. A lot of parents of teenagers would kill for that. It also sounds like he might be a little bit entitled, as is natural for teenagers. Why can't you give him an allowance for

He can learn the value of the money and how to budget and his girlfriend can also pick up the check too from time to time. If he goes over his allowance then he can get a job or not go out with her. You can stand firm and stay within your own budget.

Figure_Fancy503 − You're NTA, but you're kind of toeing the line. It's totally understandable that you want your son to understand the value of money and responsibility, but maybe there's a middle ground. Like, could he maybe do some odd jobs or something on weekends instead of a full-blown job? That way, he can still keep up with his sports stuff during the week.

Sad_Construction_668 − I have 5 kids, three are old enough to have dated. The answer is an allowance, and structured savings for Christmas/ birthday money: Middle schoolers get $40/mo, High schoolers get $100 mo(up from 80 for the oldest, they’re 24 now) combined with saving half their birthday and holiday money since 12, everyone has enough spending money to be able to do some outings including dates every month.

Sports music and academics are teenagers’ jobs. They can also get other jobs, but those pay for thousands of dollars of college, and help expand their options. My nephew is a D1 football kid, not going pro, but paying for engineering degree, oldest got an academic scholarship that paid for first three years,

second oldest has worked professionally as a musician making thousands over high school as post high school years. If any of them had been forced to quit to get a min wage burger flipping job to have spending money would have been a serious financial loss to the family.

[Reddit User] − Yta so bc *you* had to drop sports when you were 15, you'll darn well make sure your son can't enjoy them either? You can just stop giving him money. You can offer extra housework for set amounts. He can use bday money to pay for stuff. You're also failing as a parent by not teaching him anything to do with finances. At 16, he should already have a bank account, be earning money through you, and learn how to budget it.

anniee_cresta − YTA - This isn't a good life lesson. You don't need to force him to quit extracurriculars to get a job to be able to date. The extracurriculars look better to colleges than a job at McDonalds, especially if he's living and breathing athletics. He could get a scholarship for this and have a chance at a much better university experience.

Part of being a parent is choosing what is best for your child - not always what you felt like you had to do when you were a child. Your parents chose what was easiest for them by making you quit. However, dating is normal in high school. Everything that this kid is doing is completely normal - he shouldn't have to choose between athletics and dating.

What should have happened is that you should have limited the amount that he can spend. Since he doesn't have an allowance, now is a great time to introduce one. An allowance is the proper way to teach financial responsibility while also not sabotaging your son's athletic career.

With his allowance, he would be making choices that are appropriate for his age - such as whether to spend it at conferences, with his girlfriend, whether to save it for something he wants, etc. - and eliminates your concern over his increasing expense of dates. Additionally, a job on the weekends does not sound like it would work given that he would never have a break.

He has 45 years ahead of him of this already. There's so many ways around this that doesn't force him to quit things that are vital to his current age group. I'm really sorry that your parents did not make that decision for you - but you have the opportunity to do this for your son.

Effective_Olive_8420 − I think it is fair for him to pay for his own dates. Maybe he could earn some cash helping you with things that he has not had to be responsible for in the past. Or you could tell him how much you are willing to give him per month and let him budget instead of buying the things he asks for. But you do not owe him date money.

Squinky75 − Or he can continue to date his girlfriend and stop spending so much money on her. She doesn't need gifts or expensive restaurants at 16!!!

KingBretwald − How are you teaching your son to budget his own money? If you're not giving him an allowance and he's not got a job, how is he learinging to do that? He's 16. He's well old enough for an allowance. Sit down with his other parent, if he has one, and discuss this whole situation and how the both of you want to handle it.

These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they nail the heart of the matter—or just add fuel to the family fire?

This mom’s stand-off with her son is a snapshot of parenting’s tightrope—guiding without controlling. Her push for a job aims to ground him, but risks clipping his wings just as he’s soaring in sports and love. It’s a reminder that growing up means tough choices, but maybe not always an ultimatum. How would you handle a teen’s big dreams clashing with real-world costs? Drop your thoughts—let’s unpack this one together!

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