AITA for telling my son about my ex wife’s infidelity?

Imagine a father, eight years post-divorce, shielding his kids from the messy truth of why his marriage ended. But when his ex-wife spins a tale that paints him as the villain who abandoned her, turning their 16-year-old son against him, he cracks. In a quiet heart-to-heart, he reveals her infidelity as the real reason, hoping to clear his name. Now, guilt gnaws at him: was honesty worth the cost?

This Reddit story is a poignant tangle of truth, loyalty, and parental love. Was the father’s disclosure a necessary defense, or a burden too heavy for his son? It’s a tale that probes the delicate balance of protecting kids while facing lies, pulling readers into a moral tug-of-war.

‘AITA for telling my son about my ex wife’s infidelity?’

This Reddit post lays bare a father’s struggle to reclaim his son’s trust amid a co-parent’s deception. Here’s his story, raw and heartfelt:

Eight years ago, my ex-wife and I finalized our divorce after a marriage that produced two wonderful children: our son, who is now 16 and approaching his 17th birthday, and our daughter, who is a bit younger. Throughout the years, my ex-wife has maintained a public narrative that our separation was a mutual decision, a story I’ve never contradicted for the sake of keeping the peace and protecting our kids.

However, I recently discovered that she’s been telling our children a different version of events, claiming that I was the one who abruptly ended the marriage and refused to give her a chance to work things out. This lie deeply upset our son, who began harboring resentment toward me, while our daughter seemed largely unaffected by the story.

Feeling cornered by my ex-wife’s distortion of the truth, I decided to have a private, heart-to-heart conversation with my son. I explained that his mother’s account wasn’t accurate and that, in reality, her infidelity was the primary reason our marriage ended. I didn’t go into graphic details but provided enough context to clarify why I felt compelled to leave.

Since that conversation, I haven’t heard from my ex-wife, but I’m already grappling with a sense of guilt. Did I cross a line by sharing this truth with my son, even though it was in response to her lies? All I wanted was to set the record straight and defend myself against the narrative she was pushing.

This co-parenting clash is a stark reminder of how lies can ripple through a family. The father’s decision to reveal his ex-wife’s infidelity was driven by her false narrative, which alienated their son. At 16, the son is mature enough for a measured truth, but the disclosure risks reshaping his view of his mother, complicating their bond.

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Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Honesty with teens about divorce must be age-appropriate and avoid vilifying the other parent” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 70% of teens exposed to parental conflict narratives feel caught in loyalty binds (Source). The ex-wife’s lie was self-serving, but the father’s truth, while justified, could have been softened by emphasizing mutual respect for the son’s sake.

He should reassure his son that loving both parents is okay, avoiding further criticism of his ex. “Focus on the child’s emotional safety,” Coleman advises. A mediator could help align their co-parenting narratives. The ex-wife needs to own her lie to prevent further damage.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit weighed in with takes as sharp as a family secret. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

oheyitsmoe − NTA. Your ex lied to your children. It’s only right that you set the record straight.

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Naranay − NTA. If your son were younger, I'd say ESH. Your Ex lied about your history when she could have easily just said 'Sometimes things don't work out.' and left it there. The lie was upsetting to your son and potentially slanderous.

As long as you actually did tell the truth and your ex actually was unfaithful (strong suspicions don't count), I don't see anything wrong with having a mature conversation about exactly why mom and dad aren't together any more.

Kecir − NTA. You’re defending yourself. Your son was upset and being deceived by your ex’s lies. You tried to be the decent person and she s**t all over it. It was a tough position to be put in but what else could you really do?

YourFriendlySpidy − Honestly I'm not sure if you're the a**hole or not. It really depends on how you told him. But I don't think getting the truth out in this situation is necessarily bad. What I will say is the worst thing about growing up with separated parents is when one or both are slagging the other off.

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So from now on, keep anything you say about her either neutral or kind. And make it clear to him that it's okay that he loves her. It can easily feel like your parents want you to choose one or the other. Try to help him understand that you don't view it like that and neither should he.

ShoelessBoJackson − NTA . I would lean towards ESH if your son was 9. But he's 17. And Telling your son the truth - especially in your defense, is never an a**hole move.

carrotman3131 − NTA, mother was lying to kids which is very wrong.

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enna12 − NTA. You were being kind to her by shielding your children from what she did to all of you for as long as you did. Once she started lying to them about it, she was opening a can of worms & absolutely deserves for them to know the truth.

barren_fuck_field − NTA. If he was six, almost seven that is different. He is old enough to handle the truth, it may hurtful and he may look at her differently, but she is not the person he thought she was so that’s okay. Maybe it is time for him to have an open, honest conversation with her too. She should have stuck with the “mutual” story.

[Reddit User] − NTA. not only was he old enough to know, but you were just defending yourself and had every right to.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I’m 16. Would definitely want to know that. He’s not 6 years old, he deserves the truth. Your ex lied to him to preserve his image of her.

These Reddit opinions are as bold as a courtroom confession, but do they miss the long-term impact on the son’s trust?

This story is a bittersweet blend of truth and consequence. The father’s honesty aimed to mend his bond with his son, but the shadow of infidelity lingers. Could a gentler approach or a neutral story have spared the son’s heart? What would you do if your ex’s lies turned your child against you? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to reveal a hard truth to protect a family tie?

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