AITA for telling my sister’s kid they can stay with me if they want and “poisoning them against her”?

Picture a teenager, heart heavy, dialing their uncle on FaceTime, voice trembling as they share feeling unwelcome at home. This Reddit story unfolds with raw emotion as an uncle, a self-proclaimed “old fart,” opens his heart and home to his 16-year-old nonbinary niece/nephew, caught in a family storm over their identity. His sister’s refusal to use their correct pronouns ignites a fiery clash, leaving him questioning his actions. Was he wrong to offer refuge? Reddit and experts weigh in.

The uncle’s offer stemmed from love, but his sister and parents see betrayal. This tale of family tension and acceptance resonates deeply, touching on identity and support. Let’s dive into the story, community reactions, and expert insights.

‘AITA for telling my sister’s kid they can stay with me if they want and “poisoning them against her”?’

Me and my little sister have never really got on if I'm honest. I'll admit I was a right toerag tearaway in my youth and she was very straight laced and quite conservative. She disapproved of a lot of my lifestyle choices and honestly I just thought she was a bit wet.

Our relationship for a long time was basically 'civil when we have to see each other but don't make any effort outside of that'. Things changed when she had kids. Her eldest and my middle are the same age and get on really well so we kind of put our differences aside for the kids' sake.

My sister's youngest (16) recently came out as nonbinary. Now I'm an old fart and I won't pretend I fully understand it, although I have been reading and learning. I just know that the kid has asked to be called by a different name and for us to use they & them pronouns and that's easy done in my book.

As far as I'm concerned they're still the same person they've always been, we just call them something different now. Their mam, unfortunately, doesn't really agree. She absolutely refuses to use they & them pronouns, uses kid's deathname all the time and keeps saying that it's just a silly phase.

They rang me on the Facetime the other day absolutely beside themself about it, saying they don't feel safe or comfortable at home any more and I'm the only family member who has really been supportive and open to them coming out. I said if that's the case and they feel unwelcome at their mam's, I'm more than happy for them to come and stay with me. 

I said they don't have to tolerate their mam misgendering them constantly and that it isn't right for her to do so. I suppose they mentioned it to their mam, because she rang me all guns blazing talking about me 'encouraging silly childish behaviour' and how I shouldn't be going along with their 'pretend games'.

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She even got *our* mam and dad and her oldest involved and they agree with her, with dad throwing in comments about how I'm 'poisoning my sister's kids against her'. What I'm asking here is did I say the wrong thing? I don't think I did but as I say, with my sister and nephew and parents all telling me I did, I'm starting to second guess myself.. Ta.

This uncle’s stand for his niece/nephew is a beacon of support in a family rift. His sister’s refusal to acknowledge their nonbinary identity created a toxic home environment. Dr. Laura McGuire, a gender identity expert, states, “Affirming a young person’s identity can significantly reduce their risk of mental health challenges.” The uncle’s offer of a safe space aligns with this, prioritizing the teen’s well-being over family harmony.

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The sister’s stance—dismissing the teen’s identity as a “phase”—reflects a broader societal struggle with accepting nonbinary identities. The uncle, despite his self-admitted limited understanding, respects the teen’s needs, contrasting with the family’s rejection. Data shows 50% of transgender youth face family rejection, increasing suicide risk.

McGuire’s work emphasizes validation as key to mental health. The uncle’s actions provide a lifeline, though family backlash complicates things. Open dialogue about pronouns and respect could ease tensions.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s cheering loud and clear with a hearty “NTA” and a splash of humor. Here’s the community’s vibrant take:

erinn_skywalkerr - NTA in a million years. Thank you for being an accepting ray of sunshine and support during this child’s life right now. This is when they will need you the most. Please stand your ground, even if it means costing your relationship with your sister.

It could save a kid’s life. Edit OMG thank you so much for all the awards, this is my first time receiving any. I’m about to have my first baby and I just know how important being a loving and supportive parent will be. Thank you guys so much!

fxshnchxps - Absolutely NTA, you sound like an absolutely top guy and they are very lucky to have you as their uncle

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nerdforest - NTA trans kid here, you’re going to save your siblings life. Maybe not literally, or maybe literally. But I promise you, giving them a place away from that home will make their life.. Please don’t listen to those who don’t understand. They just want to be understood and live their life.

Screaming-Harpy - NTA Fellow old fart in her 50s here, who's been reading and learning too as two friends have recently announced they are non binary. They've told me how grateful they are that I'm trying my best to fully embrace them and their identities. They've told me it validates them and gives them strength against those who refuse to acknowledge their statues.

If it means so much to people in their 30s I can only imagine how much it means to a 16 year old who feels like the world is against them to know that you love and cherish to them for who they truly are. So well done my fellow old fart, you're a marvellous human being.

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MoonlitKitten96 - NTA, keep being there for the kid and make good on that offer to have them stay with you. Good on you for learning about what they're going through and being supportive. I'm glad the kid has one adult in their life that they can rely on.

[Reddit User] - NTA. This child is so very fortunate to have a safe place where they won’t be judged. Your sister is doing a fine job of poisoning her child against her on her own - she certainly didn’t need your input to do it.

theciara6 - NTA you’re being nice and supportive, their mother is the one “poisoning” them against her.

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kol_al - NTA Not at all. And don't be afraid of any legalistic threats. No one is going to drag a 16-year old who is safe and fed anywhere they don't want to be.

fartqueensupreme - NTA. Reminder than trans (non-binary included) and other LGBTQ youth are very high-risk of suicide if they have no support. Thar risks declines with having just a single support. You are this child's lifeline, you are this child's comfort. Do everything in your power to love them and keep them safe. They don't deserve the be invalidated and forced to be someone they aren't. Please, fight for them and keep fighting for them.b

abbygrau - NTA!! So many kids would kill to have someone as supportive as you in their family! You’re not undermining anything, you’re giving the kid an out of a toxic relationship. Good for you. And where are you from? I’ve never heard some of the phrases you used!

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These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full story? Reddit’s a lively stage—let’s see if they hit the mark.

This story tugs at the heart, balancing family loyalty with a teen’s need for acceptance. The uncle’s offer was a lifeline, but family accusations of “poisoning” sting. Could he have navigated the feud differently? It’s a dance of love and conflict. What would you do if a loved one’s identity sparked family tension? Share your thoughts—how do you support someone facing rejection?

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