AITA for telling my sisters I won’t choose them over our dad?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a family dinner, laughter echoing, until a bombshell drops: the man you call Dad isn’t your biological father. For one family, this shattering truth exposed a mother’s infidelity, including with her husband’s own brother. The fallout? A father’s heartbreak, a divorce, and siblings torn between loyalty to him and chasing new family ties. The poster, a steadfast daddy’s girl, stands by her dad, refusing to bend to her sisters’ demands.

This Reddit saga dives into a raw tangle of betrayal, loyalty, and fractured bonds. The poster’s choice to prioritize her father over her sisters’ new “family” vision sparks a fierce feud, leaving everyone picking sides. It’s a story that grips the heart, blending pain with defiance. Can a family survive such a secret? Let’s unpack this explosive drama.

‘AITA for telling my sisters I won’t choose them over our dad?’

My parents had four children together my sister Amy, my brother Luke, my sister Sarah and then me. Until 2019 we had no idea there was this deep dark family secret lurking underneath the surface until a series of events happened. Then we discovered our father was not our biological father. This was something he didn't know either.

We ended up doing paternity tests with the hope that it wasn't true, but it was. Amy and Luke share a sperm donor while Sarah and I share one. Our mother claimed she knew dad was infertile or at least, was not able to get her pregnant, after years of struggling to conceive and having tests done on herself. So she decided to secretly get babies by having s** with men.

One of them being our father's own brother who is the 'donor' for me and Sarah. Dad wanted a divorce right away. He was furious, he was broken, he was all sorts of things, and my sisters were telling him how he should look at it as sperm donation and how we just had another dad out there who could be good for us, etc. Dad said it made it worse. My sisters were not happy.

They tried everything to talk dad out the divorce, even saying his divorcing mom was saying he wasn't glad he got us out of the 'bad situation'. Luke and I are the only two who wanted nothing to do with mom or with the sperm donors. Our sisters didn't like that and turned on dad, saying he should be encouraging us and embracing this as just another part of our family.

He confided in me that he feels like less of a dad. Because he's not just our dad but one of them, because someone else made us, someone else will always come into it. I told him as far as I was concerned he's the only dad I have, and as a daddy's girl I could never have a relationship with someone else like ours. My dad has not spoken to that brother since.

Which made things even worse with Sarah who asked him to allow her to have 'both her dad's' being good with each other. Amy and Sarah's relationship with Luke and I is not good and now we've had a big fight. Amy and Sarah said dad is selfish and an a**hole for what he's done and claimed he never really loved us if he can't be happy for us expanding his family.

We disagreed. They said we should not be talking to someone who actively doesn't want the best for us and our new found families. I told them I totally understood dad and to me, he was my only dad, Luke agreed.

They said we couldn't expect them to be around him after he showed how little he truly loves them. I told them I would not choose them over dad so forget it. They were hurt and I get it. They told us we were breaking the family apart and we were refusing to see the positive.. AITA?

This family’s implosion is a stark lesson in the wreckage of deceit. The mother’s secret affairs, framed as “sperm donation,” shattered her husband’s trust, especially since one partner was his brother. The poster and Luke’s loyalty to their father honors his role as their true dad, while Amy and Sarah’s push for him to embrace the biological fathers dismisses his pain. The poster’s refusal to choose her sisters over him is a stand for justice.

Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Infidelity’s impact ripples through families, often forcing children to navigate divided loyalties” (source). The sisters’ minimization of their father’s hurt risks further alienation. A 2021 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 67% of children in families with infidelity report strained parental relationships (source).

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The father needs validation, not pressure, to heal. The poster could maintain her stance while encouraging her sisters to respect his grief.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery takes on this family betrayal! Here’s what they had to say:

Sloppypoopypoppy - NTA - However she wants to frame it, your mum cheated on your dad and got pregnant FOUR TIMES. EDIT: And not everyone gets pregnant the first time they try for a baby, so Christ knows how many people she’s had unprotected s** with whilst she was with your dad.

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Apart from this being cheating, then there’s the risk of STIs which she presented to your father, without his knowledge.. And how does she know he had a low sperm count if he’s never been tested?. She wanted to cheat. She is using this as a rather feeble excuse. *** Just cause there’s confusion below, I phrased this poorly initially, it was pointed out to me and I corrected my reply ***

Shadowholme - NTA 'Sperm donation' is done with the full consent and knowledge of all parties. What your mother did is more commonly known as 'cheating'. SHE is the AH in all of this, and the main person responsible for breaking two families apart - yours AND your father's, since I highly doubt that he will be speaking with his brother any time soon!

Dresden_Mouse - Wow. Your sisters are delusional, your mother cheated on your father with his brother and that's a positive because they get an extra dad, then got another guy too? Wow denial is not only a river, I don't know if they are in relationships but those partners beware. And your mother did the gaslighting to blame your dad for the infidelity. I hope your can get your father the help he surely need now.

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Eriks-Rose - NTA what the af? Their Mom cheated on their Dad and what he's just meant to be okay with that? His brother slept with his wife and he's meant to get over it? He has suffered a massive blow. Not only has he found out his wife cheated with two men including his brother but he's found the children he loves and raised aren't biologically his.

Your sisters sound like horrible human beings. They are dismissing your dad's feelings and being supermean to everyone who disagrees with them. I am totally on your side OP, you mom and sisters are toxic snd I'm glad you and your brother have stuck by your dad in this. They, your Mom and the dirtbags she cheated with have torn the family apart, not you or your brother.

mo86june - Are your sisters aware that people other than them also have feelings and emotions? That this incredibly difficult situation is not only about them?. Honestly, they sound either delusional or desperate to keep what they used to think was their happy family.. You are NTA and I'm so very sorry that all of you have to go through this.

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G8RTOAD - NTA The real AH here is your mother and while your siblings do have every right to know their father they also need to understand it's not just them going through this its all of you and your father included, and neither you nor your brother have to have a relationship with your donor because after all that's what they are, donors.

Your dad is the one who loved you as his own, raised you and taught you about life and at the end of the day, he's the one whose always been there for you all. He may not be your father, but he's definitely your dad, and your sisters need to realise that they can't force their wants as your all adults who make their own decisions and they don't have to like it, but they do need to accept it.

Your mother cheated on him more than once and what makes it even harder and even more disrespectful is she cheated with her husbands brother, so she's not only ruined her life now that the truths come out, but she's ruined the life of her kids, and her husband as actions have consequences and the thing about lies is the truth eventually comes out and when it does, it's not pretty.

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MissContrariwise - NTA, your mother CHEATED on your dad with his brother and another man (and probably more than that) and is trying to cover it up by saying it was a “sperm donation.” Your father is rightly angry. Please continue to stick by him and support him as he adjusts. It must feel awful for him and you to have been lied to your entire life.

Sunbreaker65 - NTA. Your mother and your sisters are the assholes. There is no way in hell that they could actually expect that your father would be happy with the fact that his wife cheated on him with two different people and he’s not biologically the father of the four kids he’s raised. She cheated twice, that y’all know of, in order to have children instead of being ethical about it.

The fact that they even think that your dad is in the wrong for wanting to divorce your mother is disgusting and the fact that your mother cheated on your father with your uncle is f**king horrific. I don’t give a f**k what anybody says I don’t give a f**k about anybody else’s opinions this is f**ked up and there is no way in hell that anybody could consider you or your brother wrong for

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wanting nothing to do with your mother and sperm donors or your sisters at that point. I’m sorry your Dad has to go through this. but your mom broke the family apart the minute she decided to cheat and then continuously lie about it.

Maggie_Mayhem_1 - NTA. Your siblings are being incredibly selfish. They are setting up a dynamic where your father has to act thankful that his wife cheated on him multiple times as some some sort of sick test of love. It nullifies his emotions and value as a person. I suppose they'd have been fine if he had second family because they'd just be lucky to have more siblings and an extra mom, right???

livinginsassieland - NTA Being a father doesn't require the donation of sperm - it requires devoting time, love and respect to your kids (biological or otherwise). Good on you for sticking by the man who raised you during a difficult time.

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These Reddit roasts are sizzling, but do they capture the full weight of this rift? Are the poster and Luke heroes, or is there room for compromise?

This story is a gut-wrenching clash of love, lies, and loyalty. The poster’s unwavering support for her father, despite her sisters’ pleas to embrace a new family, cuts through the chaos of their mother’s betrayal. It’s a reminder that family isn’t just blood—it’s who stands by you. Would you back your dad like the poster, or try to bridge the gap with siblings? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate a family torn by secrets?

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