AITA for telling my sister that she should date less attractive men?

In a cozy family kitchen, a 31-year-old woman vents about her latest dating woes—ghosted again, her heart bruised by men who don’t stick around. Her brother, fed up with her complaints, drops a bombshell: date less attractive guys, because she’s “not a model herself.” His blunt words, sparked by her rejection of a balding suitor, ignite tension, with his wife urging a gentler touch. It’s a raw clash of tough love and tender feelings.

Readers cringe at the sting of his honesty, yet many know the ache of watching a loved one’s dating spiral. This Reddit tale isn’t just about looks; it’s about family, self-worth, and the line between advice and insult. With Reddit split on his approach, let’s unpack the drama of this sibling showdown.

‘AITA for telling my sister that she should date less attractive men?’

My sister is 31 years old and is constantly complaining about having her heart broken, she complains that men just use her, are never looking for a relationship, don't like her because she is dark skinned etc...

Just constant complaning.. ​My wife suggested that she could go on a date with one of her friends from college. When my wife showed her the picture my sister said 'uh no thanks, he will be completely bald in a couple years.'.

​ I told her flat out, that she needs to be realistic about her options. I told her that she should date guys that are less attractive, if she doesn't want to constantly be ghosted like she is. That she isn't a model herself.. ​

My wife said I shouldn't have said it the way I did, that I should have been softer. I told her that my sister has been struggling with the same problem her whole life. That the time for being soft ended a long time ago.

Family advice can cut deep, and this brother’s blunt nudge to his sister exposes a tricky dynamic. His frustration with her repetitive dating complaints is understandable, but tying her heartbreak to her looks—and suggesting less attractive men as a fix—is misguided and hurtful. Her pickiness, like rejecting a man for potential baldness, may reflect deeper insecurities, possibly tied to her mentioned skin tone issues. His comment about her not being “a model” risks reinforcing those doubts.

About 40% of single adults report feeling judged for their dating choices, per a 2023 Pew study. Attractiveness doesn’t guarantee kindness; “less attractive” men can ghost or mistreat just as easily. His logic oversimplifies a complex issue.

Dr. Amy Canevello, a social psychologist, notes, “Unsolicited advice, especially about personal choices like dating, often backfires when it feels judgmental”. Here, the brother’s delivery, not just his message, alienated his sister. Dr. Canevello’s insight suggests empathy over criticism. He could’ve encouraged her to explore new dating patterns—like valuing character over looks—without targeting her appearance. Therapy might help her address self-image issues.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some fiery takes on this one, dishing out shade and wisdom in equal measure. Here’s the raw scoop from the community—sharp and unfiltered.

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murderousbudgie - NAH. I think you mean well, but you're wrong if you think ugly guys don't ghost, don't treat their girlfriends terribly, or are 'grateful' when a conventionally attractive woman dates them.

sydney100757 - YTA, not all attractive people are jerks, and not all unattractive people are nice.

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teke367 - ESH. My wife said I shouldn't have said it the way I did, that I should have been softer. She hit the nail on the head. Honestly, I don't think you even need to be 'soft' about it, but overall, you advise isn't really helpful.

Less attractive people are equally capable of being assholes (men and women). You could say something like 'You want different results, try doing something different' and you'd be good. You can even say it condescendingly IMO and still be good.

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BBBux - Eh YTA. Unattractive men are not any kinder than attractive men. You can be mistreated by anyone and it stings worse to be mistreated by someone you lowered your physical standards for. She might as well go for the hot ones.

KrazyKatz3 - YTA. Dating people you aren't attracted to isn't a good idea

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okctoss - INFO: would you tell a man to date women he wasn't attracted to?

poopsiedaisie - YTA.. She didn’t ask you for advice, and you told her “she’s not a model herself”?! WTF.. You are so out of line. Keep your opinions about her dating life to yourself.

EuphoricRealist - A smidge YTA. 'Broaden your horizons for a different dating experience' sounds better than 'you're too ugly to be picky'. They both get the point across without being purposefully hurtful.

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You mentioned some skin tone issues so sounds like she may have self image problem that you've (as a man) never had to deal with. Her judgement on other people's looks sounds like projecting. Your advice feels like it was spoken out of frustration rather than wanting to help.

Cocoasneeze - YTA. There's no guarantees, that less attractive guys would treat her better. She has her preferences, maybe she she doesn't find bold men attractive. She's entitled to that.

randomredittor21 - YTA, dating less attractive people doesn’t mean you won’t get ghosted. That’s some s**tty logic. “Ugly” and “pretty” people can be s**tty.

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These Reddit opinions are spicy, but do they miss the nuance of sibling dynamics and dating struggles?

This Reddit saga leaves us asking: when does honest advice become too harsh? The brother’s call for his sister to date “less attractive” men aimed to shake her out of a rut, but his words cut deeper than intended. Dating is a minefield, and family advice can be a grenade. What would you do when a loved one’s choices keep hurting them? Drop your stories below—have you ever given or gotten tough dating advice? Let’s keep the convo going.

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