AITA for telling my sister that she absolutely can not bring her service dog to our wedding due to my wife’s allergy?

In a quaint venue prepped for a November wedding, a groom-to-be navigates a family feud. His fiancée, Gemma, dreams of a day free from sneezes and swollen cheeks, her face marked by a dog allergy rooted in childhood trauma. But his sister’s service dog, vital for her diabetes, sparks a clash that threatens to unravel their joy.

This Reddit saga dives into a delicate dance of health needs and wedding plans. The groom’s stand to protect Gemma’s comfort puts him at odds with his sister and mother, who brand him heartless. Readers are pulled into a tug-of-war: can a bride’s special day outweigh a sister’s medical aid?

‘AITA for telling my sister that she absolutely can not bring her service dog to our wedding due to my wife’s allergy?’

I (32m) am getting married to my long term girlfriend Gemma (30f) at the end of November. Now me and Gemma are having a small wedding with only close family and friends invited mainly because we don't want it to be an inconvenience to others and choosing a venue is really hard due to Gemma's allergy.

Gemma is allergic to dogs and is terrified of them due to a freak accident when she was younger (that's also when she found out she is allergic to them). While her allergy is not deadly, even when taking anti allergies her face would get significantly swollen, have red marks all over it that are visable even with heavy make up and she would constantly sneeze.

Lockdown was a blessing in a way that she could wear a face mask that was helping with allergies, she is still trying to wear face masks to help her, but can't always do it inside as people immediately think she is ill and don't really want to have us in their restaurants/cafes.

And to the issue. My sister 'Kate' has diabetes and has a service dog 'Lenny' to help her. I absolutely adore him and Gemma is not scared of him either, however due to Emma's allergies I have reminded Kate not to take Lenny to our wedding (I was dropping some parcels for her this week as she was away and they were sent to my house) as I believe my future wife should be able to enjoy her day without the swelling,

which would be hard to avoid due to the venue being quite small and private (Gemma gets the reaction even if there's a dog in the same supermarket even if it doesn't touch her). My sister has reminded he is a service animal and I can't ask her to not to take him, but I have told her he is still a dog and being a service animal doesn't miraculously cancel my wife's allergies and she knew about them from the start.

I'm not asking not to take him to any family get togethers, I am just asking not to take him to our wedding. My sister and my mum both called me an a**hole and are not talking to me and have threatened not to come to the wedding, which I said is fine as I value my wife's comfort more. But still aita?

This wedding dilemma highlights a clash of medical needs, with no easy resolution. The groom’s choice to prioritize Gemma’s allergies over his sister’s service dog reflects a tough but understandable call. Dr. Susan Bartell, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Balancing conflicting needs in families requires empathy and clear boundaries.” Kate’s insistence on bringing Lenny dismisses Gemma’s visible discomfort, while the groom’s firm stance risks alienating his family.

Gemma’s allergy, causing swelling even in shared spaces, underscores a broader issue: navigating disabilities in social settings. About 10% of adults have pet allergies, often limiting their event participation. Kate’s service dog is critical, but alternatives like manual blood sugar checks exist for short events. The groom’s decision prioritizes his bride’s once-in-a-lifetime day, where photos and comfort matter.

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Bartell’s advice on open communication could help. The groom might propose compromises, like Kate attending briefly without Lenny or using technology to monitor her condition. Both sides need empathy: Kate for Gemma’s health, and the groom for Kate’s reliance on her dog.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users dished out a mix of support and sharp takes, with some shade thrown in for good measure. Here’s a glimpse of their thoughts:

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[Reddit User] − So whats your sisters solution? Having your future wife suffer at her own wedding? Is this some kind of dominance play? Its true you cant ask someone to not bring a service dog. But you can uninvite your sister. You have to stick up to your wife and its good you are doing so.

I ll predict the future now and say that you ll have to do that more often later on, because your sister and your mother will blame your wife for choosing her 'stupid health' over your sisters dog.. NTA prepair for more fight in teh future.

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EDIT: Second language error happened. I mean you cant as someone not to bring a service dog as in 'she can bring it to public places by law'. Asking of course is allways possible. It made sense in my home country language.

[Reddit User] − NTA I feel for your sister but your future wife has a right to have a wedding and photos without having 'allergic hive face'!!! ' (Gemma gets the reaction even if there's a dog in the same supermarket even if it doesn't touch her). '. For this one time allergies trump service dog.

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EvilFinch − NTA There are ways for your sis to check her blood sugar without her service dog like before she got him. But there are no way for your wife to be allergy free when the dog is there. So the sis has a medical alternative, your future wife not.

And overall she can decide to just stay home. It is the brides wedding and she has a right to have a day without coughing and swellings and to have nice memories to look back to. Sis is just a guest.. I never understand how they pull others in it.

Dangerous-Emu-7924 − NTA. From what you’ve said your wife doesn’t complain at family functions. Which is nice of her but her wedding is a day where she shouldn’t have to worry about the dog and her face will be immortalized in pictures forever so of course she wants to look her best.

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It’s understandable that the dog is useful to your diabetic sister but, as you’ve said, it has no impact on your wife’s allergy. She might have to sit this one out if she can’t function without the dog. Your mom would be the AH if she persists and doesn’t go to your wedding tho. Good job supporting your wife.

shiny-baby-cheetah − I was about to vote N A H until I saw how your mom and your sister reacted to your reasonable request. Threatening to boycott your wedding because her service allergen can't come is manipulative and s**tty. I'm sorry you're experiencing that from your own family, OP. NTA is my verdict, and congrats on your wedding!

TA_totellornottotell − So your wife is supposed to get swollen and gets hives and sneeze and generally be miserable on her own wedding day? A wedding like this one doesn’t take place without a bride. Guess who is not strictly essential to this wedding - your sister.

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If they are OK with the bride being miserable, then these people are not interested in celebrating you as a couple. They can stay home And please, send them this post so that they can see from the comment just how awful they are being.

Also, given that it is only for a few hours, and depending on the severity of her condition, is it possible to work out a solution? Like she constantly checks her blood sugar during the ceremony, and then goes home after that?

Or has a designated person with her to check on her and administer insulin or food when she needs it? I know that it is not the same as having a dog that can anticipate the changes in sugar levels, but it is worth thinking if there are alternatives.. ETA: NTA

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[Reddit User] − From a service dog haver, NTA.. Especially a diabetic alert dog. Tell her to test her blood.

dryadduinath − cool. kate can’t come to the wedding, and also can’t come to your house. these two have conflicting needs, which means having to decide who takes priority in a situation. in gemma’s wedding, gemma’s home, gemma’s events in general, that will be gemma. at kate’s home and kate’s events that will be kate.

so when it’s kate’s event, kate’s home, gemma can take medication and wear a mask, or not attend. when it’s gemma’s event, gemma’s home, kate can leave her dog home and monitor her diabetes in other ways, or not attend.. and your mom needs to mind her business.. nta.

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DogsReadingBooks − NTA.. This is your future wife’s and your day.. Your girlfriend should absolutely be able to enjoy her wedding without her allergies acting up.. As you said: your sister’s dog being a service animal doesn’t cancel out the allergies.

toffifeeandcoffee − NTA and it's nice so read that you support your future wife like this and have her back. not often here on reddit

These hot takes spark debate, but do they untangle the knot of medical needs versus wedding dreams?

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This story exposes the messy intersection of health, family, and celebration. The groom’s choice to shield his bride’s comfort stirs family drama, but it’s a stand for her moment in the spotlight. How would you handle a clash between a loved one’s medical needs and a milestone event? Share your thoughts or experiences below—where do you draw the line in family conflicts?

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