AITA for telling my sister that I’m nothing to her nor her child?

A family secret, whispered across continents, unraveled with a single social media post. A 32-year-old woman, living far from her Indian family, discovered her sister’s pregnancy not through a heartfelt call but a cousin’s casual online update. The sting of exclusion cut deep, especially for someone who’s embraced her role as godmother to five children despite her own infertility. The family’s choice to “protect” her by hiding the news sparked a fiery confrontation, leaving her questioning her place among them. Can good intentions justify such a painful omission, or is this a betrayal too far?

The emotional weight of this discovery lingers like a monsoon cloud, heavy with unspoken assumptions. Her family’s secrecy, rooted in cultural sensitivities or misguided care, turned joy into isolation. Readers can’t help but feel the ache of her exclusion, wondering how a family could misjudge someone so resilient. This story dives into the clash between protection and honesty, exploring how silence can wound deeper than words.

‘AITA for telling my sister that I’m nothing to her nor her child?’

I (32f) can’t have kids now before you judge I’ve never been the woman to cry or throw tantrums when my family/friends got pregnant. In fact I’m godmother to 5 beautiful children. I wish every pregnant person out there a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery with healthy babies because my misfortune is no one’s problem.

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But it doesn’t stop my family to basically baby proof everything pregnancy related because of me. Which brings me onto my only sisters,she’s 8 months pregnant and i didn’t know till a cousin posted about it!! Now we I live in a different country to my family so everything since 2020 has been FaceTime with us.

Apparently I didn’t get the email she was pregnant nor the was I invited to the gender reveal or her baby shower. Apparently there’s been a family group chat I wasn’t apart of which my cousin explained. I obviously called my sister and she said “we thought it was better you didn’t know and at the right time tell you”. When I asked “when seriously when were you going to tell me?”.

She handed the phone to our mother who said some bs about doing it for me and that when the baby was born it would be different. So in my upset stage I said I told her I wanted nothing to as title ether Of them and that even my parents have done more harm than good. So I’m Indian so you can guess the amount of people have been telling I’m wrong and I’m overreacting that family is everything.

Family secrets, even those wrapped in good intentions, can unravel bonds faster than a heated argument. This woman’s exclusion from her sister’s pregnancy highlights a delicate balance between sensitivity and honesty. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments” (source: The Gottman Institute). Here, the family’s choice to hide the pregnancy slammed that door shut, prioritizing assumptions over trust.

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The woman’s pain stems from being defined by her infertility rather than her strength. Her family’s decision, possibly influenced by cultural stigmas around infertility in South Asian communities, reflects a broader issue: the tendency to sideline those who don’t fit traditional expectations. A 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that exclusion from family events can amplify feelings of rejection, especially when tied to sensitive personal circumstances (source: SAGE Journals).

Dr. Gottman’s insight suggests that open communication could have bridged this gap. By assuming the woman’s fragility, her family robbed her of agency. A simple, private message about the pregnancy, as suggested by some Redditors, could have honored her resilience while keeping her in the loop. Instead, their secrecy reinforced a narrative of pity, not love.

Moving forward, the woman could initiate a candid conversation, expressing her hurt while setting boundaries. Therapy, especially with a culturally attuned professional, could help her process this betrayal. Families navigating similar dynamics should prioritize honest dialogue over protective silence, ensuring no one feels erased from the family story.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of sass. Here’s what the community had to say:

DinaFelice − NTA. After you have a chance to collect yourself, you should consider having an honest conversation with them about what the problem with their behavior truly is: 'What you are doing is cruel. The only reason you are excluding me from these important family events is because of my infertility.

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Which means that, no matter how good your intentions are, you are telling me that the most important thing about me is my inability to have children. You are not being kind. You are not being sensitive. You are being extremely cruel. I want to be part of this family. But if you are unable to treat me as a full member of this family, be honest with me so I stop wasting my energy on you.'

PuzzleheadedTap4484 − NTA. Not overreacting. That was cruel to keep it from you. I would go no contact as well. S**ew them. They owe you a big SINCERE apology if they want you back in their lives.

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RainbowDMacGyver − NTA. The courtesy with infertile people (hi...) is to announce to them via a simple text, email, or voice message. That allows us time to collect our thoughts and respond when we're in a positive place. Maybe immediately, maybe after a little while. Even though we're happy for our loved ones who get pregnant, no infertile person wants to be surprised in person with that info.

In the future your family should take note of this. But the big problem here is excluding you on the basis of your fertility problems. All that does is increase your sense of loss! Your family are trying to be sensitive, but are TAs for not simply asking you how you want to be included.

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PattersonsOlady − My advice is to send out a family wide email.. “I may not be able to have children but I still am happy to hear about everyone else’s pregnancies. Just like Aunty x can’t run in a race but she still would love to hear if Please can everyone stop hiding pregnancies from me as if I am so selfish that I cannot be happy for my beloved family! “

thirdtryisthecharm − NTA. But this is really strange. Is there some additional family history here?

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LunasH00man − Hey OP!. First of all, you are NTA. I am an Indian, mid 30s going through infertility. I hear you and I see you. South Asian culture places the entire burden of infertility on the female partner (even in cases of unexplained infertility).. My question is did your immediate family not disclose your sister's pregnancy to you. a) Because they were treating you with kid gloves or

b) Because an infertile woman is considered an ill omen. (It's a very s**tty, misogynistic and toxic aspect of south Asian culture). Your family is TA for both the options. But if it is because of option b, take a long hard look at your family. It is going to get rougher and tougher from here on. In this case, it is ok for you to not have any relationship with them till you are comfortable. Protect yourself.

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Also, find a support system. Based on your statement about being a godmother to 5 kids, it looks like you have people who love and cherish you. Find comfort in your found family. Also, if possible try and talk to a mental health professional. They might help you process this better. Even better, if they are from a similar cultural background.. Hope this helps. Sending you positive vibes ❤️

OneMikeNation − Info: did you recently find out you can't have kids or isn't his something you known for a while (years)?

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Sailorjupiter97 − INFO: additional family history of relationships needed. And how recent was the discovery of you not being able to carry children? But NTA just based off this. They still should have sent a card or called to tell you way earlier. That’s hurtful

Aristillion − NTA - If I'm understanding correctly, your family thinks you should be sad about your sister's baby because you can't have any of your own, but you're not. So they keep you out of the family communication resulting in you feeling sad like they expect (want?) you to. I'm hoping this is just thoughtlessness on your families part. Otherwise it's just diabolical.

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elementalhorror − Another Indian here and yeah........no they dint ignore you for your feeling, it's because of all that bs of infertile people being inauspicious have an aunt who was excluded the same way and i have taken a vow this doesn't repeat in my generation.

These spicy opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

This story is a stark reminder that even well-meaning actions can misfire, leaving scars where love was meant to land. The woman’s journey from godmother to outcast raises questions about family, trust, and cultural expectations. What would you do if your family hid a milestone to “protect” you? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar betrayal, or would you handle it differently? Let’s unpack this together in the comments!

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