AITA for telling my sister that idc about the baby she lost?

I (20M) have always been close to my sister, especially after she lost her baby at 5 months pregnant at the end of 2022. Initially, our family rallied around her in her grief, and I did my best to help by cleaning, cooking, and even supporting her financially when she couldn’t work due to depression. Over the past year, I’ve been the primary person keeping her afloat by paying her bills while our parents eventually stopped supporting her.

Recently, when I explained that I needed to start saving money and that she should either get a job or move back in with our family, she lashed out at me, calling me terrible names. In the heat of the argument, I snapped and said, “I don’t give a fk about your dead baby,” making it clear that my help wasn’t for her baby, but because I love my sister. Now, my parents are upset with me, and I feel guilty—even though some part of me knows I was pushed to the edge. Am I the ahole for saying that?

‘AITA for telling my sister that idc about the baby she lost?’

Family therapist Dr. Melissa Carter notes that grief, especially after a profound loss like a baby, is a long and arduous process. “When someone is deeply depressed and stuck in grief, even well-intentioned support can sometimes be taken for granted,” she explains. However, Dr. Carter also emphasizes that enabling behaviors—such as continuous financial support without any steps toward recovery—can hinder healing.

Economic psychologist Dr. Aaron Li points out that when one person is forced to bear most of the financial burden, it can lead to resentment and burnout. “Your feelings of frustration are valid, especially if you feel you’re being taken advantage of, even if the root of the problem is your sister’s unresolved grief,” he says.

Additionally, relationship expert Dr. Karen Jensen stresses that effective communication in families is crucial. “Expressing your needs clearly is important, but using hurtful language, like dismissing a loved one’s loss, can cause lasting emotional damage,” she warns. While your anger was fueled by financial strain and emotional overload, it’s essential to recognize that the loss of a baby is profoundly painful, and your words may have crossed a line that could further isolate your sister.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community is divided. Many commenters agree that your financial and emotional burden is significant and that you’re not solely responsible for saving your sister from her depression. They feel that sometimes a harsh statement can serve as a wake-up call to force someone out of stagnation.

However, several users believe that dismissing your sister’s loss by saying “I don’t care about your dead baby” was excessively cruel and insensitive. Some argue that while you may be frustrated, using such hurtful language could permanently damage your relationship, even if your intentions were to motivate change.

Ultimately, while your frustration is understandable given the financial strain and emotional burden you’ve shouldered, telling your sister that you don’t care about her lost baby was a harsh and hurtful remark. It may have been a reaction born from extreme stress, but it risks further isolating her and deepening her depression.

In situations like these, it’s crucial to express your concerns without invalidating her grief. Moving forward, consider apologizing for the comment while firmly setting boundaries about financial support. Balancing compassion for her loss with your own need to protect your well-being is key.