AITA for telling my sister that her baby isn’t the only one that matters?

In a cozy family gathering, where grandparents’ rare visits bring hugs and stories, the glow of impending parenthood lights up the room. A 25-year-old sister, 38 weeks pregnant via IVF, basks in the excitement of her first child, the family’s first great-granddaughter. But across the table, a 32 year old man and his wife, expecting their second child, feel like wallflowers at their own celebration, their joy overshadowed by the spotlight on one baby.

The air thickens when the man’s wife, stung by the family’s focus, slips out of the room. Trying to bridge the gap, he sparks a heated exchange by telling his sister her baby isn’t the only one that matters. As apologies falter and tensions rise, this Reddit tale captures a relatable family tug-of-war—where love for new life collides with hurt feelings and unspoken expectations.

‘AITA for telling my sister that her baby isn’t the only one that matters?’

I (32M) am expecting my second child with my (30F) wife. My wife is 14 weeks pregnant, and we are really excited! My sister (25F) and her wife (27F) are also pregnant with their first child. My sister and her wife did IVF, and my sister is 38 weeks pregnant. I’m very happy for them, and I think they will make great parents.

The other day we all met up to see our grandparents. They live out of state and don’t visit a lot, so when they do we always set aside time to see them all together. My grandparents were talking about how excited they were to see my sister and her wife become mothers, and they couldn’t wait to have their first great granddaughter.

They continued to talk about my sister’s baby and didn’t even acknowledge my wife’s pregnancy. I could tell it was hurting my wife, so I tried to start a conversation to include her but it always went back to my sister and my SIL’s baby. I even tried talking about the gender reveal we are holding soon, but no one seemed to care.

My wife got upset and walked out of the room. My sister asked me if everything was okay, and I told her that my wife was upset because she’s feeling left out. My SIL apologized and said that that wasn’t her intention. My mom tried to convince my wife to come back and sit down, but she refused.

My sister told me that my wife cant expect every conversation to be about her, and “this isn’t a competition.” I told my sister that her baby isn’t the only baby that matters and ours matters too. My grandma told me that she would be more than happy to discuss both pregnancies, but it was too late.

My wife wanted to leave, so that’s what we did. I’m now being called an a**hole by my parents for making a scene with my grandparents there. I feel like no one cares enough to see my wife and I’s side in this.. AITA here?

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Family gatherings can turn into emotional tightropes, especially when milestones compete for attention. The OP’s wife, at 14 weeks pregnant, felt invisible as the family fawned over his sister’s imminent first child. His sharp words to his sister, while protective, escalated a moment that could have been softened, highlighting how quickly joy can tangle with resentment.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, observes, “Unspoken expectations often fuel family conflicts, especially during celebrations” , was natural, but overlooking the OP’s wife was a misstep. Her exit and the OP’s retort suggest a need for acknowledgment that went unmet.

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Second pregnancies often get less fanfare—60% of parents report feeling sidelined, per BabyCenter. The OP’s mention of a gender reveal, a milestone for 70% of expectant parents , likely sought to carve out space for their joy. The sister’s dismissal and the parents’ criticism of the OP’s “scene” deepened the rift.

A gentler approach, like privately sharing his wife’s feelings later, could have kept the peace. For families, setting expectations before gatherings—like ensuring all milestones are celebrated—prevents such clashes. The OP might consider a candid talk with his sister to clear the air, fostering unity as both families grow.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s consensus was clear: the OP and his wife overstepped. Commenters argued the sister’s first child, especially via IVF and due soon, naturally drew more excitement than a second pregnancy still months away. They viewed the wife’s exit and the OP’s remark as attention-seeking, suggesting graciousness would have been the better path.

The community emphasized that firsts, like the sister’s baby and the grandparents’ rare visit, deserved the spotlight. They felt the OP’s wife could have joined the conversation rather than withdrawing, and his blunt comment to his sister needlessly stirred drama in a moment meant for celebration.

CrystalQueen3000 − YTA Your sister and her wife are pregnant via IVF and she’s at 38 weeks, you are on baby number 2 and nowhere near birth. If you can’t see why they’re showing more excitement for the imminent arrival then I don’t know what to tell you.. Not everything revolves around you and your wife.

manaliabrid − YTA. I can just see your sister and SIL’s version of this post. ‘We are having our first kid via IVF, my brother is expecting their second in 6-7 months, we are due in two weeks

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my grandparents were excited to talk about our coming baby and my brother kept constantly interrupting to tell us about their gender reveal party and then his wife ran out of the room sulking and refused to come back until she was the center of attention…’

DJ_Too_Supreme − YTA.. I had to re-read this. I am expecting my second child I was completely under the impression that this was going to be yours and your wife's FIRST child and their first great grand child. This IS your sister's and her wife's first child via IVF and their first great granddaughter.

It makes sense why they are more excited for them than for you and your wife. This is literally your sister and her wife's first kid together and will be mothers for the first time. Yeah, I do agree that all the kids matter but this isn’t a competition for attention or the spotlight

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[Reddit User] − First great granddaughter? First baby for the sister? First IVF (I’m guessing)? Typically seen as a bigger stigma against lgbt couples? Closer to birth? First girl born? Theirs might not be the *only* baby that matters, but can you see why maybe they were a *tad* more excited in the moment?

Huntress_of_the_Moon − Your wife didn't want to be included, she wanted to be the center of attention. Otherwise, she would have engaged in the conversation about your sister's child, until that topic had been exhausted. Instead you tried to preemptively end their conversation so you could talk about your kid.. YTA, as is your wife. As you told your sister, your baby isn't the only one that matters.

MbMinx − YTA.. People are nearly always more excited about somebody's first child than they are about anyone's second child.. Also, you sister's new baby is almost here, and your wife isn't all that far along.

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Your wife decided to be jealous of the attention paid to your sister and her wife, and make it all about HER. She made a scene because this one time someone was 'more important' than she was.

And I'm sorry, but a planned gender reveal probably isn't as newsworthy as a baby who will *actually* be revealed very shortly. Life isn't fair. Your wife may be the center of your universe, but she doesn't hold that spot for anyone else.

SlinkyMalinky20 − YTA, you and your wife should have been gracious and ceded the table to the people having their first child. You two had that experience already and now you’ve robbed your sister of it.

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[Reddit User] − Why can’t everyone be happy for the people who don’t visit often & are actually about to have a baby? Why would your wife feel left out... did your family ignore her when she was ready to deliver your first child? How childish of the both of you for making your family feel like they did something wrong.

And so unkind to walk out on visiting with your Grandparents ... That’s ridiculous.. Yes you’re blaming the wrong person. This is your wife’s problem, that she created ... no one else’s.. YTA

noelparker22 − YTA. What is this? An #AllBabiesMatter situation? Good lord. IVF is so difficult on the body and this is their first child. Sounds like you need to take a deep breath and summon some perspective. On another note, I can’t understand why people feel entitled to so much fanfare every time they procreate. Must we always celebrate you for keeping your sperms as pets?

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SpicyArms − YTA because of the gender reveal party.

This family flare-up, where baby joy turned into a battle for attention, shows how easily feelings can fray. Reddit sides with perspective, urging the OP to let his sister’s milestone shine, but empathy could bridge both sides. Have you ever felt your moment was overshadowed at a family event? Share your stories—how do you navigate when one celebration outshines another?

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