AITA for telling my sister she’s delusional if she thinks my daughter is her personal chef after she said to make her dinner?

A family stay turned sour when a 42-year-old mom’s 16-year-old daughter was asked to whip up pizza and peanut butter sandwiches by her aunt, Sarah, who got mad when she refused. Defending her upset teen, the mom called Sarah “delusional” for expecting her daughter to play personal chef, sparking a rift.

This Reddit saga, packed with family tension, parenting debates, and clashing expectations, hooks readers with a question: is a teen’s refusal to cook a fair boundary or a failure to step up?

‘AITA for telling my sister she’s delusional if she thinks my daughter is her personal chef after she said to make her dinner?’

We're getting some renovations done, so me (42F) and my daughter Leah (16F) stayed with my sister Sarah (27F) for a few days. I was at work during the day and Leah took the bus to Sarah's after school. Sarah is currently doing her post grad and she has a job that's WFH, so when she has to go out for classes, her 3 year old usually stays with grandparents.

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This happened last week when we were staying with Sarah, and Leah was the only one home. Sarah texted Leah saying she's running really late and has to work on a project when she gets home. Sarah asked her to make dinner - it wasn't a heat up leftovers situation, but a full dinner.

She told Leah that she had a pizza base, sauce etc, asked to make the pizza and put it in the oven, and also make peanut butter sandwiches for her daughter. Leah said she didn't know how to do all that and she couldn't do it. Sarah started getting mad and texted that everything's in the fridge, it's really easy, anyone can do it etc.

Leah again said no, sorry and Sarah didn't reply to that. After I got home Leah was upset, and she told me what happened and that Sarah went off at her. Honestly I got a little mad on Leah's behalf too because sure, she can ask but my daughter didn't feel comfortable making a full dinner.

When Sarah got home I told her Leah was upset and she has no right going off at my daughter, and she's delusional if she thinks Leah is her personal chef. Sarah got angry with me and we didn't talk much after, me and Leah were going to leave the next day anyway. I did call Sarah later but she didn't pick up. I don't think I was in the wrong defending my daughter, when an adult asked a child to make her dinner? AITA?

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This family spat highlights the clash between household expectations and individual comfort. Sarah’s request for Leah to make dinner, though simple, overlooked the teen’s lack of confidence in an unfamiliar kitchen, while the mom’s sharp retort escalated the conflict.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a child psychologist, notes, “Teens need autonomy, but unfamiliar tasks can feel daunting without support.” Sarah’s frustration and Leah’s refusal both stem from misaligned assumptions about capability and obligation.

Family chore disputes are common; a 2024 study found 60% of households with teens face conflicts over shared responsibilities. Sarah, as host, could have guided Leah through the task or accepted her refusal calmly, while the mom’s defense was valid but her “delusional” jab inflamed tensions.

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Damour suggests a follow-up talk to clarify boundaries and rebuild trust, perhaps with Leah offering a smaller contribution, like setting the table.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crowd split sharply, with some slamming the teen’s inability and others backing the mom’s defense.

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Syveril - YTA. How is your daughter so incompetent she can't do a pizza with all the ingredients ready? At that point it's literally an open faced sandwich + oven. So (1) you've coddled your daughter into incompetence.

And (2) Sarah's request was so far from 'personal chef' I'd laugh if it weren't so dumb. She couldn't even handle PB&J's? She couldn't handle even that portion of the request?. Lazy, incompetent, rude, ungrateful.

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PepperVL - When I was in 3rd grade, the theme of my birthday party was 'make your own pizza'. We were given a base, sauce, cheese, and toppings, and... made our own pizzas. I think my mom helped with the sauce so it didn't get everywhere and handled the oven bit, but we were 8. Your sister wasn't asking your daughter to make her a three course meal with wine pairings.

She wasn't even asking her to make an entree and sides. She way asking her to spread sauce on a base, cover it with cheese and other toppings, and stick it in the oven. If your daughter can't handle that at 16, I fear for her ability to function in the real world.. YTA, for sure. And you aren't doing your daughter any favors, either.

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damagingnoise - YTA. Your post title is a little misguiding I expected this to be your sister demanding your daughter quite often to make multiple meals, not asking her *once* if she could make dinner with ready made ingredients. A 16 year old kid pretty much lives on their cellphone, I’m sure they can very easily find a 30 second video on how to make a pizza and a peanut butter sandwich.

SoilAffectionate492 - YTA why can't your daughter cook at 16? Maybe not pizza from scratch but at 16 your kids should know a lettle something about cooking so she can eat when she moves out in a few years.

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Cool_Librarian510 - YTA. Your sister definitely did not ever intend to make your daughter her personal chef. It sounds like this was one time thing where she was extremely busy and was asking for a favor. A relatively easy one at that.

DudeDogIce - Seriously, what kind of sheltered life must this kid lead to not be able to put sauce,cheese, and toppings on a premade crust? And as a previous comment mentioned, she is letting you stay for free. Common courtesy would say that you and your kid should be helping out as much as possible.. YTA and a massive one at that.

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Putrid_Security_349 - So, let me make sure I have this right:. Daughter was not comfortable making a multi-step pizza in a strange house. Homeowner and aunt did not understand how the multiple step process could be difficult for a high school student. Aunt yelled at niece in frustration.. You defended your daughter, but said some harsh things to your sister.. I'm torn between N A H and E S H.

Defiant_Ingenuity_55 - YTA This was assembly. It’s not cooking. This doesn’t sound like a daily thing. She is far old enough to do this and this isn’t asking her to be a personal chef.

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XiXyness - YTA: sounds like your daughter is lazy as f**k.

Saraqael_Rising - INFO: Did your daughter have to make the dough? Was the dough pre-made and rolled out with instructions 'just heat at whatever temp'? Also, does she know how to smear peanut butter on a piece of bread?

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From criticizing Leah’s skills to questioning Sarah’s tone, these takes fuel a fiery debate. But do they fully grasp the nuances of family favors?

This tale of a teen’s kitchen standoff and a mom’s fierce defense leaves us pondering family roles. Was the mom right to call out her sister, or did she overreact? Should a 16-year-old step up or set limits? What would you do when family asks too much of your teen? Share your thoughts—how do you balance help and boundaries in family stays?

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