AITA For telling my sister she shouldn’t be encouraging her parenting techniques?

Picture a family gathering where the clink of coffee cups is drowned out by a heated debate over parenting. In one corner, a sister proudly champions her “child-led” approach, her nearly four-year-old son still cradled like an infant. In the other, the OP, skeptical and concerned, steps in to caution their pregnant relatives about the unseen pitfalls of such methods. The room buzzes with tension as ideals clash and loyalties waver.

This family drama unfolds around a toddler’s developmental delays, sparking questions about parenting philosophies. The OP’s blunt warning—meant to protect—ignites accusations of mom-shaming, leaving readers to ponder: when does concern cross into judgment?

‘AITA For telling my sister she shouldn’t be encouraging her parenting techniques?’

My sister is definitely one of a kind when it comes to parenting. Her son is three but he acts closer to an infant. She follows attachment parenting and well as child-led parenting (I'm not sure if these are actual things but its what she calls them). So everything he does is more or less up to him.

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He's still breastfeeding, still in diapers, still being carried everywhere, still using bottles and pacifiers etc. When he sleeps on his own he's still in a crib. I guess it works for her, but I do see some side effects I wouldnt personally like to see in my own kids, (ie, he's incredibly attached to her.

She had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago and he nonstop screamed the entire four hours I had him) but its up to her. I know he goes to doctors and occupational therapists and what not somewhat regularly. The issue comes in with our cousin and younger sister.

They're both pregnant and have been asking for parenting tips. My sister has been going on about whats wrong and right and whats better for babies, and essentially just saying how all her parenting methods are superior for x amount of reasons.

They've both been accepting it and taking it all in, but I took it upon myself to explain the side effects my sister had kindly left out. She got upset and said I was scaring them off and had made the side effects sound ten times worse than they actually were, and how her parenting was proven to be beneficial.

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I told her that she cant go around saying what she's doing is better all round because one, its really not, and two, its not accessible for everyone. Not every mother can stay at home with her children for years, and not many can physically stand to be with them all the time.

Now she's claiming that I'm mom shaming her, and also called me lazy because I have the ability to do better by my kids and choose not. I'm not talking to her now, but our sister and cousin are still following her ideals, and now think I'm also in the wrong. AITA?

ETA; he's not recently turned three either, he'll be four in August. So its not like hes a particularly small toddler. Also, most of my concern is regarding his development; you are all correct in assuming he has some delays and I'm not blaming her for them. What I find concerning is that doctors are telling her that she needs to start helping him with things (potty training, for example,) and she's refusing because it goes against her ideologies.

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This family spat highlights the tightrope of parenting choices. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, advises, “Parenting styles like attachment parenting can foster security, but balance is key to supporting independence” (source: Aha! Parenting).

The sister’s approach, blending attachment and child-led parenting, seems to prioritize comfort over growth, potentially stunting her son’s milestones. While her devotion is clear, ignoring medical advice on potty training risks long-term developmental setbacks.

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The broader issue is the pressure on new parents to adopt “perfect” methods. A 2021 study in Pediatrics found 25% of parents feel overwhelmed by conflicting parenting advice, often leading to rigid adherence to one style (source: Pediatrics Journal).

The OP’s warning, though clumsy, aimed to offer perspective, not shame. Dr. Markham suggests parents blend structure with nurturing—encouraging independence while maintaining bonds. The sister could benefit from gradual steps, like short separations, to ease her son’s anxiety, while the OP should frame concerns constructively to avoid alienating family.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s armchair experts jumped in with gusto, dishing out opinions as varied as a potluck spread. Here’s what they had to say:

m_loquacious − NTA. It sounds like her child is not reaching developmental milestones and that is concerning. She has also fostered separation anxiety for her child by constantly being with him which is also not healthy. If all you are doing is stating the things she is glossing over, or ignoring entirely, that is not a problem.

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I know when I was pregnant I had my own ideas on parenting but also looked to see what others did too. Some aspects looked like they’d work for me while others didn’t (attachment parenting is one I could not do for a variety of reasons). As long as you aren’t outright calling her a bad mom you are not doing anything wrong.

Remindme2000 − If your kid is 3 and has hit his development milestones there is your proof that what you are doing works...her child has not hit those milestones..proof her method is in fact 'lazy'. She doesn't want him screaming, she wears him instead of handling the issue through consistent positive reinforcement. He is not potty trained at all...again that takes work.

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She doesn't want to do the work. Diapers are easier for her. Her method is incredibly selfish to me....she is doing what is easier for her than the work involved to do what is truly best for her child and using the excuse that it is child led.. She just doesn't want to say no because yes is always easier and avoids breakdowns!

Magic_Mushroomie − NTA I think he’s delayed BECAUSE of her parenting techniques. No 3 year old should still be using a binky, breastfeeding, diapers, being carried everywhere like an infant. Crying for hours because she isn’t around. It’s not good for children to be like that and unfortunately he might develop anxiety disorder from his attachment issues.

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Because of her “child led parenting” her child is literally being delayed in his milestones. When he grows up with fked up teeth and needs braces she won’t think that binky was smart anymore. Also it seems like she thrives with the idea her child will always be like this.

She might be the one with attachment issue & turning her child into someone who will always need her. Not good for her or the child. Please don’t let your sister and cousin make the same mistakes.

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L0rdShontavius − Your family sucks

AmethysstFire − NTA. As a parent of 3 kids myself, she is not doing her kid any favors. At almost 4 he should be off all bottles, pacifiers, out of diapers, out of a crib, and pretty independently feeding himself.

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He should also be okay with mom being gone for a few hours, not screaming like a newborn the whole time. It really sounds like there's a huge codependency thing going on here. With all the therapies you mentioned, I also wonder about Munchausen by proxy.

kittynoodlesoap − NTA. She’s a lazy parent and she’s going to mess up her son.. If the doctors are telling her she can do more but she refuses, that’s a red flag.

[Reddit User] − NTA your sister shouldn’t be giving baby advice.

Grumpy_kitten64 − NTA. I attachment parent and it seems like your sister is cherry picking what she likes from the information she has gathered. Your kid still needs to meet milestones. This is probably biased but I would say to your sister,

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and cousin that attachment parenting is actually a really good way to raise your kids but to research it themselves so they can come to a conclusion about it themselves. A lot of good comes from ap but it seems like your sister isn't doing what's recommended to be done

SummerDaisy13 − Nta. Im honestly very concerned for that kid when he starts preschool in the fall. I assume your area starts prek at 4.

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ironic-hat − ESH. Outside of the pacifier and bottles most of what he is doing in not out of the range of normal for is age. Extended breastfeeding is common, many doctors are happy with it too. Studies recommend kids remain in a crib between 3 and 4 so as long as he isn’t crawling out he is fine.

Potty training, honestly this has been creeping up in age in most advanced nations, so her son is not without company, also if he has a certain delay (speech?) it can be harder to do this.. Is he truly carried everywhere? Kids are heavy, so I can’t imagine your sister is lugging an almost four year old all day long.

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It’s entirely possible she is carrying him because she wants to hurry someplace or he is tired and by coincidence you’re seeing this side of your nephew more than what happens during a typical day.

Attachment parenting is fine, it doesn’t cause delays or the inability to cope without the primary caregiver. Kids his age are moody and unpredictable, so him crying because she had to go to the emergency room isn’t proof her parenting is failing.

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These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they see the full picture, or are they just stirring the parenting pot?

This tale of clashing parenting styles shows how deeply personal choices can ripple through a family. The OP’s intent to protect their relatives clashed with their sister’s fierce defense of her methods, leaving hurt feelings in its wake. Can families navigate such divides without judgment, or is conflict inevitable? What would you say to a loved one whose parenting raises red flags? Drop your thoughts below!

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