AITA for telling my sister she deserves to be miserable?

A quiet family gathering turned into an emotional battlefield when one sister’s cruel words cut deeper than a knife. The original poster (OP), a 31-year-old woman grappling with the heartbreak of infertility, stood vulnerable, sharing her pain with loved ones. Instead of comfort, she faced a stinging jab from her older sister, whose smug remarks about motherhood twisted the knife further. The room, once warm with chatter, grew heavy with tension, as OP’s raw grief collided with her sister’s callous disdain.

This story, raw and relatable, dives into the messy reality of family dynamics, where love and resentment often tangle. OP’s outburst—calling her sister miserable and fake—ignited a firestorm of opinions, with cousins cheering her on and parents clutching their pearls. It’s a tale that tugs at the heart, raising questions about empathy, envy, and the weight of societal expectations around motherhood.

‘AITA for telling my sister she deserves to be miserable?’

Throwaway my family uses reddit. I (31f) have been struggling with infertility. I really wanted to have kids but that's not really possible and it's very dangerous to even try it so I just vent to my friends about my disappointment so I can accept the fact I'll never have kids and go on with my life.

My sister (36f) has two lovely kids, a 8 year old girl and a 1 year old boy. My sister has always been very hostile with me due to the fact that I refused to live by social norms and decided that I'll live my life for me and my own happiness with my own terms. My sister was always a more Conservative person and didn't like that for me.

When I broke the news after the multiple doctors visits, when I was finally sure I'm infertile, my sister said to me 'Don't worry, we won't miss out on your babies anyway'. Then proceeded to show off about how wonderful it is to have kids and that women who are childless have no true meaning in life.

I broke down that moment started crying and screaming at her how she's a mean person, called her out for staying with a man she doesn't love just so she can pretend she's a serious wife and mother and how she's so sad and pathetic with her own life choices that she projects it onto me.

I ended up saying she's a miserable person so her fake displays of happiness should be taken elsewhere and not be done out of pettiness towards me and that she deserves to be miserable in her life. Many of my cousins took my side but my mother, father and a couple of aunts claim I'm TA for telling my sister she deserves a bad life and say I'm bitter because I'm infertile and she's not. So AITA?

Edit: Thanks everyone for the nice comments and even the not nice ones. One question I get is why I don't adopt. I'm not from the US idk how the adoption process works there but in my country its a really broken system that doesn't allow anyone to process it.

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I'm middle class, I'm considered well off financially, I don't struggle, I have a stable high paying job but I'm still not considered filthy rich and that's the #1 condition to adopt in my country. Being filthy rich. Secondly, the adoption process even for the rich and privileged is a really lengthy process that could take up to 5-10 years.

So my chances are small to non existence. If the system is making it this hard for the rich and privileged, imagine how hard it would be for a middle class person. I've been diagnosed with a couple of health issues after my infertility and I don't wanna risk stressing myself out with the adoption process and worsening my own health too. I'm gonna move on and accept I'll not have kids, adoptive or biological.

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That was not the point of the post, while I appreciate the advice, it was about my sister calling me less of a person for not having kids. Also even if I adopted, my sister would still not consider me a real mother, she's made her views on adoption very clear in the past. So it was about my sister's words, not whether I could adopt or not.

Edit 2 : An answer to everyone telling me to be the bigger person. Yeah being the bigger person is ideal but I'm not perfect. I've been the bigger person multiple times against her attacks and that didn't get me anywhere. Sometimes I ignore her, sometimes I respond kindly to her insults, try to kill her with kindness as they say. And that's never gotten me anywhere.

She walks all over me without any consequences since my parents always take her side. I had enough. Her talking to me that way while I was venting to my family was the worst thing she could do to me. Its like she was happy that I am enduring that. If I didn't confront her and tell her to be miserable she'd probably throw a party right now to celebrate my infertility.

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Family conflicts often unearth deeper wounds, and this sisterly clash is no exception. The OP’s raw pain over infertility met a wall of insensitivity, sparking a fiery exchange that’s all too human. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Contempt is the kiss of death in any relationship” . The sister’s mocking tone reeks of contempt, dismissing OP’s grief while elevating her own choices. This isn’t just a sibling spat—it’s a power play rooted in differing life paths.

The OP’s sister, wedded to conservative ideals, seems to wield motherhood as a badge of superiority. Meanwhile, OP’s choice to live authentically, unbound by norms, threatens her sister’s worldview. This tension reflects a broader societal issue: the stigma of childlessness. A 2023 study from the Pew Research Center found 44% of childless women face judgment for their status . The sister’s words echo this, framing OP’s life as “meaningless.”

Dr. Gottman’s advice to rebuild connection through empathy applies here. The sister could have offered support, but instead, her cruelty amplified OP’s pain. For OP, standing up was a reclaiming of dignity, though her harsh words stirred family backlash. To navigate this, OP could set boundaries, calmly addressing her sister’s behavior without escalating. Family therapy, as suggested by experts at Psychology Today, could help untangle these knots, fostering understanding.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and the comments were a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s what the crowd had to say, dishing out both fist bumps and eye rolls:

SaraRainmaker − NTA - Normally I would say that everyone sucks here, because of your reaction, but the woman literally attacked your infertility and **that is so far up on the a**hole scale that she broke the damned meter**. It soared past calling babies and brides ugly, and flew right up there with abuse. She deserved every ounce of s**t you threw her way, and probably more.

K-no-B − NTA. I think when you tell someone after years of trying that you’re infertile and they reply like your sister did, anything that comes out of your mouth in the next 30 minutes pretty much doesn’t count.

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MPFX3000 − NTA - she really said no one will miss out of your babies? What a g**tesque comment!!

[Reddit User] − NTA ! SHE CAN DISH IT OUT BUT SHE CAN'T TAKE IT

AggravatingPatient18 − NTA. Your sisters cruel remarks warranted an appropriate reaction.. Yet again Reddit can't cope with basic physics: **For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction**. Newtons 3rd law. Sod the high road.

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ParentingTATA − I'd listen to your cousins before your parents. Parents tend to agree with whoever has their grandkids. I suspect it's because they don't want to risk losing access to them. Your sister seems like the type who would be petty. I was a second class citizen in my family until my sibling with the kids went NC.

About 5 years later I finally met the man I was holding out to meet. When we had kids, the speed of the back peddling on both sides could have won a few Olympic medals! I'm sorry I don't have a good suggestion for you (besides considering adoption if you haven't already-there are always kids who need love!), just hugs, and support because I know this road very well! Hugs!

caesarsaladslut − NTA. I see a lot of people saying everybody sucks here but I disagree. This might be the therapist in me talking, but you broke the news about something that was upsetting to you and she responded by basically saying “lol good, we didn’t want to see you procreate.  also, I have kids and I’m so happy and it must suck to be you lmao, you have no true meaning in your life”.

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It was cruel. She was kicking you while you were down. And you’re also responding to this after she’s already so been hostile to you. This was a breaking point, it wasn’t unprovoked and it wasn’t an isolated incident. She was being cruel, and it was purposeful.

[Reddit User] − NTA - she needed to hear it and it needed to be said. Are your parents and aunts not angry at what she said to you?

BishiBoi25 − NTA. and its kinda funny how everyone that took your sister's side was old lmao.

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IndigoStarseed86 − No, nta. I’m so sorry but f**k your sister and your parents. As a 35 year old woman who also doesn’t have kids OUR LIVES ARENT MEANINGLESS! Just bcuz a person is capable of procreating doesn’t mean their life is meaningful.

These Redditors rallied behind OP, with many calling her sister’s words downright vile. Some saw OP’s clapback as justified, while others noted the family’s bias toward the sister with kids. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This story lays bare the sting of family judgment and the courage it takes to stand up. OP’s pain, met with her sister’s cruelty, reveals how deeply personal choices can fracture bonds. Yet, it also highlights resilience—OP’s refusal to be diminished is a quiet triumph. Families are messy, and this tale reminds us that empathy, not superiority, builds bridges. What would you do if you faced a loved one’s harsh words in your most vulnerable moment? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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