AITA for telling my sister-in-law to sit down and shut up infront of her new husband?

In a cozy dining room, the clink of dessert plates mingles with a man’s quiet pride in his rediscovered sewing hobby. But when his sister-in-law’s sharp-tongued jabs about his “grandma” ways cross into personal territory, a family dinner turns into a verbal showdown. This Reddit tale stitches together humor and hurt, as a husband’s retort leaves his sister-in-law reeling and his wife fuming.

Readers are hooked, debating where playful teasing ends and disrespect begins. Was the man’s sharp clapback a justified stand, or did he unravel the evening’s harmony? As needles of tension prick the family fabric, this story asks: how do you thread the line between defending yourself and keeping the peace?

‘AITA for telling my sister-in-law to sit down and shut up infront of her new husband?’

I M37 grew up with 3 sisters. my mom worked as a seamstress. She had a machine but as kids we weren't allowed to use it, Only the needle and the thread so my sisters could learn and help, also design their own clothes as they grew up. I spent most of my childhood sewing. no playing out or hanging with friends.

I loved sewing because I got to make my own stuffed toys, favorites shirts, and scarfs (my mother helped tremendously) I was also benefiting by selling the toys I made to other kids.. I've gave up on my hobby and got busy with life But months ago I decided to go back to sewing so I got the tools I needed and started sewing 4hr every day.

I was able to make 3 stuffed toys for the kids and currently working on one of my sister's upcoming birthday present. My...lovely SIL (43) got married recently and she and her new husband came to town to visit, we only met him 4 times on formal occasions. They got married fast This's her 3d marriage and all were younger guys.

Maybe she thinks that by marrying young guys, she still gets a chance for a baby. Which is..(and this might sound misogynistic but..) backward logic. but that's not my business. She makes fun of my hobby and has been calling me 'grandma' because I sew everyday. She'd joke about it tirelessly and I'd be lying if I say I wasn't getting fed up.

So they came Wednesday for dinner. We didn't talk much and after we finished. SIL was helping my wife put the dessert on the table. SIL was standing with her plate while I quickly grabbed my plate and excused myself to go work on my project. SIL chuckled and said 'oh grandma has some sewing to do, ha?'.

Then turned to my wife and asked if 'grandma' is still functioning in the bedroom and how she isn't completely turned off by my weird grandma behavior...'. I looked at her husband for a second and we both had a 'what the heck' moment.. To say that I was pissed n' embarrassed is an understatement.

I told her well, We have 3 kids so we're doing just fine and that she had no business asking about private matters and needed to sit down and shut tf up. SIL looked pale and her eyes widened up. Visibly upset. The entire room got silent. SIL grabbed her stuff and left shortly. My wife was at the door with her and it sounded like she was crying.

My wife started arguing with me the entire sewing session talking about how I embarrassed her sister infront of her new husband and rubbed our children in her face knowing how sensitive this topic is for her. Said I was a passive-aggressive a**hole for not taking a joke and spoiling the night for them.

I pointed out how her sister was being rude but she said she made an innocent joke but I went too far with my behavior. Then finished by saying 'I see what you're doing, don't try to alienate me from my sister'. Then walked out the room. I was upset I kept sighing the entire time. I apologized later but she's still mad at me for what happened. ATA?

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A family dinner can unravel when boundaries are crossed, as this sewing saga shows. The sister-in-law’s mockery, escalating to inappropriate bedroom jabs, pushed the husband to snap. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Disrespectful teasing can erode trust, especially when it targets personal passions” (Gottman Institute). The husband’s retort, though harsh, defended his dignity, but mentioning his children may have stung his sister-in-law’s sensitive spot.

The sister-in-law’s comments weren’t innocent—they aimed to belittle, possibly to impress her new husband. A 2020 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 70% of family conflicts stem from unaddressed boundary violations, like here. The wife’s defense of her sister, accusing her husband of alienation, suggests loyalty conflicts, leaving him unsupported.

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Dr. Gottman advises, “Clear communication rebuilds trust.” The husband could discuss with his wife how the mockery felt emasculating, seeking mutual support. A broader issue—family members enabling toxic behavior—highlights the need for boundaries. He might apologize for his tone but request respect moving forward.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s takes on this dinner dust-up are as colorful as a patchwork quilt. Here’s the scoop, with a cheeky twist:

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Austin101___ - NTA. Your wife is in the wrong here as well.

lordofthehamstrings - NTA. Why mock someone for doing something they enjoy? And your wife is an AH too.. 'I see what you're doing, don't try to alienate me from my sister'. This sounds like gaslighting, and it sounds like she is trying to make you feel guilty. Edit: As some other people have said, this isn't gaslighting really, but she is definitely trying to make OP feel guilty

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GreekAmericanDom - NTA Your wife is though. She should have put an end to your SIL's (her sister's) b**lshit long ago. All this time, instead of demanding that her sister stop disparaging her husband, she enabled it.. You reached your limit. You set a boundary, rather politely at that.. If anyone owes an apology, it is your wife to you.

gw2kpro - Your SIL thinks, for some reason, that its acceptable to come into your house, and -- right in front of you -- ask your wife if you're still able to get it up and, if so, how she could possibly stand to be with you?

If she thinks it's cool to go after that topic -- totally unprovoked and unfounded -- the gloves are pretty much off for any topic.. I think your reaction was rather tame compared to what she deserved. Let your wife know that you will be willing to see your SIL again once she has issued an apology for that s**t but not before.. NTA.

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CorgiManDan - ESH You only get the AH award because you had guests and decided to leave them to go do your hobby.

Strong-Bottle-4161 - Man your wife needs to stand up for you too.. I’d never let my brother or sister talk to my husband like that.

czekyoulater - ESH.. Your SIL for repeatedly making fun of you and your hobby.. Your wife for not standing up for you/telling her sister to cool it. You for your being judgemental about your SIL's marriages/fertility and throwing it in her face. You could have just told her to stop with the jokes. Telling anyone to sit down and shut up is a d**k move; bringing up potential infertility is *major* a**hole behaviour.

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Srato - NTA She was emasculating you and questioning your virility, so pointing out that you took up the hobby to supply toys for your children isn't exactly throwing her lack of children in her face. That's her grabbing at straws to try to take the moral high ground.

She was trying to show off to her new husband by belittling you and you shot her down; you may have been a bit more harsh with her than the comment warranted, but clearly you've been biting back the retorts to her bullying until it crossed a line for you.

The fact that your wife was so unsupportive of you and expects you to be this woman's punching bag is very disappointing. If anyone was trying to drive a wedge into one of her relationships, it was the SIL driving one into your marriage. Personally, I think your wife is the biggest AH in this story.. Hopefully your SIL learned not to needle someone wearing a thimble!

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Mom-tired_send-wine - I know this is off topic but dude... you spend four hours a day on your hobby?!? I’m assuming you work but honest question. When do you spend time with your wife and those three kids?

ShakeSlow - Sorry, but I have zero empathy for difficult situations are going through if they are being purposely malicious at that time to feel better about themselves somehow. NTA. I don't really think you were being that insensitive, given she actually brought up your s** life with your wife... In front of everyone. That was completely inappropriate from her.

It wasn't an innocent joke, because she took something personal about yourself and put that into the 'joke'. Also, it's not really a joke if no other party finds it funny.. And I can't believe your wife is actually defending her behavior, like it was somehow acceptable in some way.

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You need to sit down your wife and discuss this whole issue with her. Most people don't talk about this kind of stuff, and that talk needs to happen now if she thinks you're alienating her. Which you're not.

These Reddit zingers stitch together support and shade, but do they miss the wife’s role? It’s not just about a joke gone wrong—it’s about respect unraveling at the seams.

This sewing saga threads a needle through family loyalty and personal pride. The husband’s sharp words aimed to shut down mockery, but they frayed ties with his wife and her sister. Was he wrong to snap, or was the sister-in-law’s jab too sharp? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a family member’s “joke” cut too deep at your table?

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