AITA For telling my sister-in-law that her “side hustle” makes her a bad person?

The cheerful chaos of a toddler’s birthday party, with balloons bobbing and cake crumbs scattered, took a sharp turn when a family chat veered into murky waters. A man, surrounded by wrapping paper and tiny sneakers, learned his sister-in-law was turning their freely given baby gear—cribs, toys, onesies—into a “side hustle,” selling them online for pocket change. Her casual brag about cashing in on family generosity hit him like a sour note, sparking a fiery clash.

His blunt words—she’s a bad person for profiting off gifts meant for her kids—lit a fuse. She fired back, defending her hustle amid economic woes, while his brother played referee. Now, with family ties strained and opinions split, he’s left wondering if his judgment was fair or too harsh. Let’s dive into this sticky saga of hand-me-downs and hard feelings.

‘AITA For telling my sister-in-law that her “side hustle” makes her a bad person?’

A birthday bash turned battleground when a side hustle revelation stirred the pot. Here’s the man’s story, straight from Reddit:

My brother (33M) and his wife (30F) have 2 young boys (3 & 1). My wife and I have a 5-year-old son so over the years we have given them quite a few items that we no longer used/needed. Crib, clothes, toys, various baby items, etc. Most of the things were just taking up space in our house and we knew they would put them to use so we had no problem giving them away.

We visited them a couple weeks ago for their 3-year-old's birthday party. During the party, SIL mentioned that she has been selling off a bunch of baby stuff as a 'side hustle.' Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn't keep track of them all.

Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. She was basically bragging about it. I told her that is a pretty crappy thing to do considering that these items were given to them as gifts that they willingly accepted and were expected to use.

I asked her if they had sold some of the things we have given them and she laughed and said that she was sure she did because we've given them a lot of stuff. I told her that if I had known she was going to sell those items off, I would have given them away to someone else or donated them to a local non-profit that helps young mothers in need.

She got defensive and told me that it's not like she's making a lot of money off these things, just a few bucks here and there. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she's taking advantage of them.

She went off about how hard things are with the economy right now and how they need all the help they can get financially. Mind you, both she and my brother have college degrees and work full-time. I know raising kids is expensive, but they aren't in dire straits.

I told her that she probably shouldn't expect us to give them anything else in the future and I would probably suggest to my other siblings that they refrain from doing so as well and look into other options for donating things. She got defensive again and told me that she doesn't feel like she's doing anything wrong.

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I told her she's entitled to feel that way, but my opinion of her as a person is now lesser because of this. She said that selling things they don't use to make a few bucks doesn't make her a bad person and I told her that considering they were given these things for free, it kind of does.

By this point other people had noticed our conversation and my brother stepped in to end the conversation before things got too heated. He told me I should mind my own business and that if I don't want to give them anything else in the future, that's my choice. But that I took this too far by calling his wife a bad person for selling things they don't use.

A party’s joy curdled when hand-me-downs became a hustle, pitting family generosity against personal gain. The man’s outrage at his sister-in-law’s reselling stems from a sense of betrayal—items given to help her kids were flipped for profit. Her defense, citing financial strain despite dual incomes, feels flimsy to him, especially when she bragged. Yet, once given, were those items hers to sell?

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Gift-giving carries unspoken expectations. A 2023 study from the Journal of Consumer Psychology found 61% of givers feel slighted when gifts are repurposed (Source). The sister-in-law’s actions, while legal, breach this social contract.

Ethicist Dr. Randy Cohen says, “Generosity assumes mutual respect for intent” (Source). Her hustle, framed as necessity, ignores the giver’s goodwill. He could donate future items elsewhere, while she might communicate needs to avoid excess. Both should clarify expectations to mend ties.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s dishing out a mixed bag on this family fracas, from shade at the sister-in-law’s hustle to calls for the man to chill. Here’s the community’s vibe:

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HonestSector4558 - Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn't keep track of them all.. Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. Just to clarify, these are not 'gifts.'

A hand-me-down is an item someone else has already used but no longer wants. That's very different from them purchasing something brand new for a specific person. A lot of people who give hand-me-downs are just happy to be rid of those things, because they no longer use them and are taking up space.

They also have the option to try and sell or repurpose these items, but if they choose to give it to someone else that's on them. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she's taking advantage of them.

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Full stop, this is a huge reach on your part. Tons of people resell used items or other things for a few bucks on various apps or at garage sales. Should all of those people not be allowed to resell things? They're putting in the work to market the item, and they're probably selling it for very little profit.

I think YTA for trying to insist something that is perfectly normal is somehow inherently wrong. She is not taking advantage of people, she is putting in time and effort to make what sounds like a minimal profit off items she has an abundance of.

fallingintopolkadots - Ehhhh. Knowing that you AND your siblings were all giving (giving not gifting) her hand-me-downs, you had to think that mayyyyyyyyybe they were being given more than they could use. Just as these things were taking up space in your house, they are now taking up space in theirs. After you give them all away, you lose the right to say what's done with them.

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Could she have donated what she didn't want / use / didn't need anymore? Sure. But she decided to sell them (and I'm going to assume she's selling them as used, so not for a huge amount of money). You could have done either of these things, too, but you (and your siblings) just assumed they would need all of your unneeded stuff.

Knowing that it's so many of you who want to offload onto her, and that they could realistically only want or need so much of it, it would have made SO much more sense to show her what you were looking to get rid of (or ask what she needed) and then tell her to pick what she wants and that you'll deal with the rest.

With the rest, you could have found someone else who needed things to offer them to, donated to an organization / place of worship, or sold them yourselves. It would have been your choice. But you didn't. You all gave her more things than she could actually use and it was all just taking up space their home.Selling it is what she decided to do with it. YTA for criticizing her for it.. What ya'll do it in future, however, is up to you and they seem fine with that.

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ETA: Damn, what blinding black/white vision so many of you have. Have you ever thought about low-income parents that have no access to charities, no social network of friends/family willing to give them things, and not enough time / energy / bandwidth to search out ways to get free baby stuff?

Low-income people who are not the parents but want to gift something to someone they know and love having a baby and would like to choose something? Perhaps a low-income parent that would like to spend a few bucks to pick something they exactly want for their child? People that just prefer second hand as opposed to new, but would like to be able to pick what they want?

While, sure, it would be nice if OP's brother and SIL gave the things to someone else for free.... but they found a gap in the market and people wanting and willing to purchase these things. Why should we tell these people that want to purchase these things that they can't because they should be getting them for free from a charity?

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thesilveringfox - YTA. you gave her family some stuff. at this point the stuff was no longer yours. she can do whatever she wants with it: sell it, burn it, whatever. you get zero say. yes, you’re perfectly entitled to no longer give her hand-me-downs (i.e., your trash), that’s your choice.

YTA mostly because you’re judging her for what she does with her (family’s) stuff. enlisting the rest of the family to follow your lead? low. they get to make their own decisions.. eyes on your own work, superchief.

Ok_Discount_7889 - NTA. I’m with you on this one. Selling a bulky item here or there wouldn’t be a big deal to me (the second hand market for baby stuff is huge and a discount on a big ticket item can be a win-win for both parties), but calling it a side hustle and bragging about how much money she’s making off of her family’s generosity doesn’t sit well.

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Guess she’s never heard of the concept of paying it forward. I don’t think you’re going to convince her you’re right though, so I would just avoid the subject moving forward. And donate your things to a charity or local Buy Nothing group instead.

OkRice7589 - NTA. There was a post on here not that long ago about a woman selling stuff she had gotten for free and she got bashed for it, this is exactly the same thing and somehow this is okay?

Make it make sense making profit off something you got for nothing just makes you pretty crappy and to brag about that? Gross, they sound like greedy money hungry people. If you can’t see what’s wrong with this then it shows the kind of person you are.

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Zealousideal_Till683 - YTA. Your brother is entirely right. If you don't approve of what she's doing, don't give them more stuff. It's a terrible idea to insult people because you disagree on the best way to handle things. Your sister-in-law has a slightly different moral compass than yours, she didn't burn down an orphanage.

wlfwrtr - NTA Sounds like SIL is accepting things she knows she can't or won't use to sell them. You never said she was a bad person just that you no longer think so highly of her.

If she used the things then sold them because she had no one to pass them on to but it doesn't sound like that's what she does. End the gifting to her but some people may not mind what she does as long as they don't have to go to the hassle of trying to get rid of things no longer want.

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Impossible_Rain_4727 - YTA: You gave her a gift. You don't get to dictate how she uses and disposes of it.. You don't get to demand that she donates her personal property. It would be nice if she gave unwanted items to those who need them. However, the fact that she isn't as altruistic as you, doesn't make her a bad person.

EidolonVS - There's going to be a big divide here. Most people on this sub probably don't even have kids. Once you have kids, and you've been through the whole donating/handmedown cycle on both ends, perhaps there would be a change in attitude. Personally, I wouldn't care too much unless the person boasted about it like something to proud of. In which case it's crass AF.

But I'd also stop giving things to that person and donate to someone else instead. Clothes and toys go to family first, then to friends. If family or those friends don't need it, the stuff go into the community- either donation bins or posted up on some local group.

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There are many Facebook groups for local communities that will pass on childrens' clothing. It's very explicit in these groups that if you sell stuff that people donate to you, you will be ostracised and booted.

FoldWild2772 - NTA considering she’s claiming it as a side hussle, she is definitely looking for things that she won’t use and then sell. If it was just a couple big items they used and were done with, then you’d be the AH. But it seems like she’s trying to milk every penny out of everyone’s generosity and I’m guessing has talked about how expensive baby stuff is etc etc so the family is like here take this stuff if you need it to use, not need it to sell it.

She could also say well we don’t really need that or someone else has given us something similar to give you the choice of giving to her, selling yourself or giving it to someone else, but I’m guessing she didn’t do that so she can side hussle it.

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These Reddit takes are a lively mix, but do they unravel the ethics of this hand-me-down hustle? Was the man’s moral jab on point, or did he overstep?

This tale of cribs turned cash and a family’s fallout spins a web of generosity gone awry. The man’s blunt call-out of his sister-in-law’s side gig stirred a hornet’s nest, leaving bonds frayed. Should he stand by his judgment or soften for family peace? If someone sold your gifts, how’d you react? Drop your thoughts and let’s untangle this tangled mess of motives and morals!

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